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Can you trust an escort who doesn’t allow reviews? Client Questions

New question today! It’s a good one, too. I talk a lot about client screening, but it’s been a while since I’ve written on the topic of how to figure out if an escort is legit.

Dear Annie,

I found an escort on Eros.com. She has her own website but refuses reviews (which I understand and appreciate). I am wondering if I can trust this individual even though we only texted to set an appointment. She did ask for an email from my work account so I feel a little at ease but still question if I am being reckless with a possible sting. Thanks.

PS: The appointment is at her incall at a hotel. Thanks.

–LonelyInNashville

Ah, the whole “is she/he a cop” question. It’s a constant concern for anyone who works and/or plays in this biz. And of course, it will be, until the US wakes up and realizes that full decriminalization is the only ethical approach to sex work, the safest approach for sex workers, and the best way to protect vulnerable people from those who wish to exploit them.

But in the meantime, we have to research clients before we meet with them, and when considering meeting with an escort, clients must take great pains to do research of their own.

I tend to yammer on and on about the “why” of things before I get to the “how” because everything leads to a whole new can of worms–especially when I’m procrastinating in order to avoid something I really don’t feel like doing, like get in my un-air-conditioned car and drive to the grocery store. So sit back and prepare to read a novel, or just skip to the How to Vet an Escort Who Doesn’t Allow Reviews section.


So You’ve Found an Escort Who Doesn’t Allow Reviews

In this situation, most “hobbyists” would tell you to run the other way. Fast.

But wait! Her pics are super hot and her website and ads are intriguing as all hell and you really, really, really wanna meet this girl. Also, fuck hobbyists, they’re just jealous that she won’t give them a discount in exchange for a good review.

But you can’t just go for it without taking some precautions. For one, you want to make sure this isn’t some kind of bait-and-switch situation–you don’t want to book an appointment with a girl with supermodel good looks and wit to match, only to be met at the door by a bridge troll (LOL I kid, I kid). But more importantly, you don’t want to end up in a sting.

So what now? Well, believe it or not, many, many reputable providers do not participate in the review system, and there are other ways to verify whether an escort is legit.

Why Some Escorts Don’t Allow Reviews

Contrary to popular belief, reviews aren’t the end-all be-all to vetting an escort. Like I said, many providers don’t allow them (and for a while I actively discouraged them, and then I realized that in general, clients who meet with me aren’t the type to write reviews anyway. And besides, the occasional flattery IS kinda nice…), and the vast majority of the time, it’s not because they’re trying to pull one over on clients.

The Purpose of Escort Review Sites

The review system. Many escorts have a love-hate relationship with it, and many escorts simply have a hate-hate relationship with it. Ostensibly, review sites are a way for hobbyists to let other hobbyists know which escorts are legit, which are to be avoided, and what services a given escort offers. Sounds great, right?

Well, it is…kind of. First of all, understand that review sites aren’t providing a forum for clients to exchange info about escorts out of the kindness of their hearts. It’s a business. And as many of you might already know, there’s a lot more to this business than providing a way for clients to “stay safe,” “avoid thieves,” and “let other guys know what’s ‘on the menu'” (barf).

ECCIE's New Orleans Forum - Check out those ads!
Screenshot of the ECCIE New Orleans board. All that crap on the sides, top, and bottom of the screen is ads, most of them animated (blinking). Many of the menu items (with the ECCIE website’s styling) are actually ads masquerading as links to other pages on ECCIE. Clicking on anything that *is* legit will result in a pop-up ad you have to close (sometimes twice!) before you can see the page you meant to go to. ECCIE sucks.
Review sites are, first and foremost, in the business of selling memberships and advertising space. That is, after all, how most content-based websites make money. This is why, on sites where the userbase is escorts and their clients, you’ll see tons of pop-up ads with messages like “Don’t hire an escort! Get a free fuck buddy on AshleyMadison.com!!!!!” or “Escorts are disgusting trash; Why fuck a hooker when you can get a college coed for cheap? Come to SeekingArrangement.com and find a Sugar Baby!” Seems kinda contradictory for sites that facilitate client/escort meetings to run anti-escort ads, right? But ad revenue is ad revenue.

The “content,” of course, is the stuff on a website that people actually want to see–the entire reason they came to the website in the first place. After all, no one visits a website because they want to look at the obnoxious, blinking, tacky paid advertisements in the margins, just as you don’t watch TV because you like commercials (well, unless it’s the Superbowl, but I digress).

For a news or magazine site, the “content” is the articles. For a site about visual art (photography, paintings, sculpture, art installations, etc.) the content is the photos. For a recipe site, the content is the recipes and the images accompanying them. The website serves the content to users, and alongside it, they display ads from third-party businesses who have paid for that ad space. So, even though the users visit the site to see the content, they have to view the ads as well.

The “users,” of course, are you and me: the people who visit the website to view the content.

How Escort Review Sites Make Money–And How You Help

The genius of review sites is that the users provide the content. Therefore, the website doesn’t have to pay writers or artists or any other content creators. And often, they pay for the privilege! In the case of review sites, the “content” would primarily be the photos of escorts (created and uploaded by the escorts themselves) and the reviews of escorts (created/written and posted by clients). A secondary content type would be the discussion forums, which consist of posts written by escorts and clients.

But remember, from a business standpoint, the site is all about selling memberships to (male) users, and selling advertising space to other companies. And the only way to make it worth the buyers’ money is to have tons of content worth viewing.

And this, my friends, is why reviews that aren’t explicit will be rejected. I know it’s a common source of frustration for clients–you spend your $$, you meet with a provider, you go home and fill out the form and write a short essay about what happened, and some power-tripping schmuck (Administrator/Moderator) tells you it’s not “detailed” enough, and he won’t post it until you re-submit a version that’s extremely descriptive about everything that happened.

They’re not doing this just to be a pain (well, maybe some are). They’re doing this because they’re required to by whoever bestowed upon them the rare and coveted honor of Hooker Review Board Moderator. Moderators play an indirect role in generating money for the site. The site draws viewers via 1) pictures (and contact info, etc.) of hot escorts, and 2) written erotica (porn in text form, basically). You can’t really jerk off to “Yeah, she’s safe and legit. I had a good time. Highly recommended.” And if it’s not titillating, are you really gonna spend much time on the site, loading page after page (of ads)? Moderators are there to ensure that your reviews make good erotica–titillating content that will keep users on the site for hours, viewing those third-party ads.

So, now that we’ve established that the review system isn’t exactly a purely generous service to the community, let’s talk about how it plays out in the “real world.” Yes, reviews can still be helpful, and no, profiting from that type of content is not an inherent evil. But because they serve a purpose as erotica, drawing clients to the review site, they must be…well, erotic. So, in order to have their review accepted, clients are required to describe in detail the specific acts they participated in with the escort. That’s all fine and good until you realize:

  1. Those descriptions can be read as a very blatant admission of trading money for sex,
  2. Now that the review system exists, many escorts rely on it as their sole means of advertising,
  3. A list of activities an escort engaged in with one client is often interpreted by future clients as a list of activities she is obligated to offer them, regardless of the fact that they are an entirely different person on an entirely different day in an entirely different situation/setting, etc.,
  4. Escorts have no control over what a client writes, so he is free to reveal as much detail as he pleases, and to embellish or even lie (the sites do not allow escorts to respond to their own reviews),
  5. Therefore clients have a lot of leverage, and the threat of a bad review (or the promised reward of a good one) can cause an escort to do things she otherwise wouldn’t–offer services she’s not comfortable with, lower her rates in response to a client’s demands, etc.

Reputable escorts put A TON of time and energy into crafting and maintaining their personas on the internet. It’s how we advertise and promote. It’s how we show just enough of ourselves to entice clients without revealing too much to the public. It’s the face of our business, and for those of us who really, really love what we do and want to keep doing it, it would be absolutely devastating if someone shattered the whole thing in an act of vengeance, jealousy, or just plain nastiness. So it’s no surprise that some ladies would rather avoid this altogether.

So, when you find a provider who has opted out of the “hobbyist” escort review system, how do you know if she’s legit?

Another photo, just as a reward for reading this far, heh:

Black Corset and Boobs - New Orleans GFE Escort Annie

How to Vet an Escort Without Reviews

Luckily, there are tons of ways to vet an escort who doesn’t allow reviews. Onward!

Reputable Escort vs. Undercover Cop

OK first, you need to know what you’re looking for. Think about it: what kind of evidence would convince you that she’s most likely not a cop? Remember, reputable escorts do not want to put their business in jeopardy, so we’re very careful to maintain our image on the internet. If we were to participate in a sting (which doesn’t happen, but let’s play this game), it would take a matter of hours (or at most, days) for word to get out, and the business we’ve worked so hard to create would be destroyed in a matter of minutes. So the idea is to find an escort who is well-established, and use caution with anyone who appears fly-by-night.

Here are just a few things that might reassure you that she’s an established escort, not a cop:

  • An in-depth, long-running website with photos and text that doesn’t look like it was slapped together in 2 minutes (or stolen)
  • Ads with carefully-created photos and text that have been up for a while–not something quick-n-dirty that first appeared two hours ago.
  • An active, established social media presence
  • Profiles on escorting-related web forums and communities, and an established presence in those forums (comments, etc.)
  • Membership to a client screening site
  • Real reviews from real clients

Obviously, this isn’t a checklist–she doesn’t have to have everything on the list to be considered legit. And none of these is absolutely guaranteed to prove she’s not a cop. This is simply a guide to finding evidence that will help you make an informed decision.

Google is Your Friend!!

Never underestimate the sloppiness of some people. A lot of people simply don’t care enough, or aren’t smart enough to cover their tracks.

Ever heard of “catfishing”? It’s when someone (with evil intent) pretends to be someone else over the internet, usually via the use of stolen photos. Predators posing as escorts do it all the time, as do escorts who are afraid that their own photos wouldn’t attract clients.

In a sting situation, the ad photos have to come from somewhere. It’s highly unlikely that LE would be willing to arrange and pay for a sexy photoshoot for which they’d have to pay a photographer, a model, and possibly even a hair and makeup person. And it’s pretty damn unlikely that an undercover female cop is going to go through the trouble of a sexy photo shoot–nor should she, and I hope that if one were ever pressured to do so by her superiors, she’d sue their fucking badges off for sexual harassment. But the photos have to come from somewhere, right?

If you know how to use a computer (or even a smartphone), it’s pretty easy to find photos of an impossibly beautiful Brazilian model or a hot escort from another country or region (so that potential clients don’t recognize her, and she’s not likely to be checking to see if any escorts in Randomtown, USA are using her photos in ads), download them, and then use them in your own escort ads. So easy that it happens all the time–people have stolen my photos and used them in their own ads a few times. I imagine this is the same method LE uses when setting up a sting.

The good thing is, as long as the original owner of those photos hasn’t deleted them from whatever website they were originally on, those photos still exist somewhere on the internet. This is where Google Image Search comes in. If you think the pics of the girl in the ad are TGTBT (Too Good To Be True) do a Google Reverse Image Search. It’s easiest in the Chrome browser–just right-click on the photo, and when the drop-down menu pops up, click on “search Google for this image.” Easy. I’m sure there’s a way to do it on Bing, but I don’t use Bing, and I don’t feel like looking it up right now. If you’re a Bing user, just Google “How to do a reverse image search on Bing.” ;)

You can also Google a small but unique block of text from her ad (or site) to see if it appears on any other websites–if the ad was slapped-together with copy/pasted bits from other providers’ sites out of concern for time and a need to “sound authentic.”

Next, just in case, you can Google her phone number, just to see if anyone has put out an “alert” to the community about her when she was using another persona. This is pretty unlikely, but you never know. Maybe she was working with the cops (or maybe she’s otherwise dangerous). Some people just don’t bother changing their phone number after they ruin their own good name. Put the entire phone number in quotes, like this: “504-XXX-5309”

“Busted Escorts” Sites: Bullshit

You may find sites like “EscortBusts.com” or “BustedEscorts.com” or whatever. If you Google a girl’s number, one of those sites may come up and say something like, “DO NOT SEE HER, SHE IS WORKING FOR THE POLICE, YOUR STUPED IF YOU GO SEE HER DONT SAY WE DIDN’T WRAN YOU.” If you do, don’t freak out. Take a deep breath and think this through.

I can’t believe I have to explain this, but…I’ve seen way too many guys (and girls) freak out about these sites. THESE SITES ARE NOT LEGIT. Look at them with a critical eye. Why would a site like this exist? Does it serve any purported purpose other than hand-wringing over a girl supposedly working with the police? Would someone set up a site specifically and solely to warn unwitting would-be clients? How would they pay for that site? Ah, yes. The ads. Notice what those sites tell you, once you get over the shock and horror that OMG YOU JUST ALMOST WALKED INTO A STING (no, you didn’t). See how they seem to be directing you to other, “safer” options (companies or sites) via links? There’s the ad revenue. Scroll to the bottom of the page. There’s probably a “Contact” option, and it might even say “Contact us to remove your information from our site.” Bingo. They want the escorts pictured on these sites to pay them (usually around $100) to remove their names, photos, and numbers from the site. It’s a form of extortion. That’s why these sites exist. They have software that “scrapes” content (photos, text, phone numbers) from other sites (usually Backpage or other highly-trafficked websites with little oversight) and then they upload that same content onto their own site–add a little “OMG OMG OMG YOU IDIOT SHE’S A COP YOU ALMOST FUCKED UP!!” to accompany each photo/name/phone number, and watch the money roll in. How do they get away with it? Well…they’re fucking with escorts, who don’t really have the law on their side, or at least they don’t understand it enough to make a case for themselves. As for the sites they scrape from? It’s a copyright violation, but the highly-trafficked sites like Backpage don’t have time to bother with protecting the content on their site from theft.

BustedEscorts.com screenshot: "YOU GONNA CALL MOMMY TO BAIL YOU OUT?" (followed by big paid link to "safe" escort site)
Screenshot of BustedEscorts.com: “YOU GONNA CALL MOMMY TO BAIL YOU OUT?” (followed by big paid link to site with “safe” escorts)

Screenshot of BustedEscorts.com: "CAUTION: She is an undercover police officer" (followed by paid link to site with "legal" escorts)
Screenshot of BustedEscorts.com: “CAUTION: She is an undercover police officer” (followed by paid link to site with “legal” escorts)


Social Media

Social media is another way escorts will establish their legitimacy. More than that, though, it’s free publicity, and it’s a way to interact with other escorts, keep up with their clients, and quickly add pics and announce availability. Does she have a Twitter or Instagram or Snapchat or whatever account that’s been around for a while? Does she have more than just a few followers? Does she actually post stuff every once in a while? Like I said before, in general, LE isn’t going to go through the trouble of setting up and maintaining all these details years in advance of a sting, lol. Especially for a misdemeanor.

The same goes for webforum activity. Check sites like TER (The Erotic Review), TOB (The Other Board), NightShift, ECCIE, SouthernGFE, or whatever is popular in your area.


Screening Sites, etc.

Is she a member of a client screening site like P411 (Preferred411.com) or RS-AVS.com? RS-AVS.com isn’t used in my area, but Preferred411 (P411) is pretty popular, and from what I can tell, it’s used pretty widely, at least in the US. P411 has been infiltrated in the past, but if I remember correctly, LE were targeting escorts, not clients. Either way, P411 is a walled garden of safety precautions, which can be really frustrating when you’re new, but it is what it is. Not just anyone claiming to be a provider can join P411. You have to provide some info to the site’s administrator, and you have to prove that you are really, truly an escort. How does one do that?

Well, in order to be accepted to P411, an escort has to provide proof in the form of….
…
…
(wait for it…)
…
reviews from established clients.

No shit. So yeah, if she’s on P411, it’s a pretty good sign that she’s legit, or that her persona was at some point in the past. Perhaps she originally got a couple reviews just to get access to P411 (that’s what I did), and then went “No Reviews Allowed.” Or maybe she used to accept reviews, but then she got to the point that she no longer needed them, nor did she want the type of clients they attracted. It’s very difficult, but an escort can sometimes get reviews removed from a site (usually she has to fight tooth and nail with the admins of the site, and then she’s essentially unwelcome on that site forever).

Or maybe her old reviews are still up somewhere, she just doesn’t promote them as an advertising tool. You might wanna check.

Lastly, remember that, regardless of her “no reviews” policy, if an escort is trouble (a thief, a bait-and-switch, violent, or working with LE, for example), people WILL post about it. It’s not like she has any recourse.

Anyway, I hope that helps. No, there’s no way for me to guarantee you’re safe (or unsafe) from a sting if you meet this girl…but maybe these tips will help you use your best judgment.

Have fun and play safe!!

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Ask Annie: Will Younger Escorts See Older Clients? Client Questions & Advice

Happy Lundi Gras, everyone!! I’ve had a chaotic day, and I finally have a chance to sit down and chill. So, I thought I’d answer a question I received from a reader about a week ago. The topic: older gentlemen and escorts. Specifically:


Annie,

first of all, I would like to thank you for taking the time to generate this enormously helpful blog of information for those of us who know nothing about your profession. Thank You!

And so on to the topic no one wants to think about, older people and sex; Do they actually allow them to do that after 50? I am a gentleman in my mid-60s who lost his wife about 10 years ago to health issues. Without going into a “poor miserable me” diatribe, let me just say that the older you are, the harder it seems to fit into the dating scene, especially if you have no interest in developing another “serious” relationship after half a life time of a wonderful marriage. The fact remains, however, that the loss of a spouse does not necessarily equate to the loss of a mature gentleman’s sex drive. So, in my humble opinion, herein lies the perfect solution; perfectly pragmatic female companionship through professional escorts.

That brings me to my few questions: I notice that most escorts are much younger than me. I don’t normally see an acceptable client age range given on escort’s webpages. So, should I expect to find female escorts who would be willing to accept clients in my age range? My second question regards screening. Having never used an escort’s services, I cannot give references. Also, being retired, I am not able to furnish current employer information for a background check. How would you recommend establishing trust with prospective escorts?

I appreciate your time and indulgence.

Signed,
Oldy but Goody

Hey, Oldy!!

I am so, so sorry to hear about your wife. I can only imagine how difficult it must be to lose the person you’ve shared your body, heart, and life with for so many years. It’s understandable that you’d have little interest in building another serious relationship–but lots of interest in recreational boot-knockin’.

As for whether they “actually allow them to do that after 50”: I know you’re kidding, but HELL. YES. Lemme tell you this: practice makes perfect, and generally, the older you are, the more “sexperience” (practice) you’ve accumulated. So there are a lot of things that older gentleman know that many younger gentlemen haven’t figured out yet. Ahem.

Plus: My personal philosophy is that, as long as you’re alive, you’re never too old for sex. The sex you have at age 93 may not be exactly like the sex you had at age 23, but the happiest, most satisfied people are able to grow and adapt to changing situations. We’re all gonna get old sooner or later, if we’re lucky. Don’t let inevitable changes get in the way of the all-important HankyPanky.

So, a few observations:

Jack Nicholson and Diane Keaton in "Something's Gotta Give": Sexy AND Older? That's crazy talk, right??
Nope, we don’t let these people do this. Not allowed. At all. Ever. Too. Damn. Old.

“I notice that most escorts are much younger than me.”

Well yes, there are a lot of younger women in the game. But there are also many megawatt hotties (Cat Elliot, Cecilia Dahl, Lea Madisson, and Elisabeth Whispers are just a few escorts I know of who identify as “Mature”) who aren’t SO young that the sight of you in public with one of them on your arm would raise eyebrows. Turn heads and stop traffic? Sure. But the age difference wouldn’t scandalize the masses, unlike a certain other couple who made a bit of a splash this week. Bonus: Remember how I said “practice makes perfect,” and older gentlemen often know things that the younger gents have yet to learn? I can only assume it’s the same for ladies…

But I know that wasn’t really your question. So, moving on:

Will younger escorts see older clients?

I don’t normally see an acceptable client age range given on escort’s webpages. So, should I expect to find female escorts who would be willing to accept clients in my age range?

You know, that really depends on the escort. But you’re doing everything right: you’re checking their websites and doing research in a due-diligence effort to determine whether you make the cut. If she doesn’t explicitly state that clients must be under a certain age in order to be eligible for a date with her, I would assume she’d be happy to meet with older guys. Honestly, I don’t know any escorts who refuse clients simply because they happen to be older.* But, when in doubt, you can always email her and ask.

*I do, however, know of several escorts who will not meet with younger clients.

Next up: screening!

Screening: Special Cases

Having never used an escort’s services, I cannot give references. Also, being retired, I am not able to furnish current employer information for a background check. How would you recommend establishing trust with prospective escorts?

So, here’s the thing with screening: the vast majority of newbies think they’re a “special case” (“But I’m married!” “But I have a Really Important job!!” etc.), and they are absolutely, capital-W Wrong.

You, however, are a legitimately Special Case. You can’t be expected to provide references if you’ve never seen an escort. And you can’t provide employer information if you’re now retired. So what’s a guy to do?

  • P411 and Other Escort-Client Screening Sites

    • Well, there are a few options. First, you could join a screening site like P411 (Preferred411.com). You are required to provide documentation of your identity (I’m not exactly sure what kind, but I’d assume a state-issued ID or an equivalent) before you are approved and granted access to the site. Once you are approved, you can contact escorts through the site, and if they use P411 as it was intended, they’ll want to confirm that you are indeed that P411 account holder (and you aren’t sharing your account with buddies, or you haven’t sold it to someone who couldn’t get approved, etc.) when they meet you. Once you’ve seen an escort or three (or twenty–whatever, I don’t judge) from P411, you’ll have someone (or several someones) to personally vouch for you–provided you were respectful, gentlemanly, and safe. Then, when you want to meet with a provider who doesn’t use P411, you’ll have references who can vouch for you.

    A caveat: Some of the escorts on P411 will not meet with you until you’ve earned two or more “Okay”s (meaning you’ve met with two escorts who have marked you on the P411 website as safe and “Okay” to meet with). This is a personal preference, and once they can confirm with other ladies that you’re fine and dandy, they’ll consider meeting with you.

  • Non-Traditional/Unorthodox Screening Options

    • There are other options, and different providers will have different requirements that you’ll need to meet before they consider you as a client. I have an option that I offer to SOME “Special Cases,” and it involves certain social media sites or a personal website or blog. I have also accepted a photo of a potential “Special Case” client’s driver’s license when we were scheduling our first date, and then I checked to make sure it was legit when I met with him. I’m really glad I did, because he is awesome and if I hadn’t been flexible (but still thorough) with screening, I never would have met him. And that would have been a shame. So, explain to her what your situation is, and ask her what you can do that would satisfy her need for personal safety. Some providers will work with you to come up with a creative solution; some won’t. But it never hurts to ask ;) Hey, that should be my motto, now that I’m doing this advice column thing!

Well, I’d blather on loquaciously for another hour, but dinner’s ready, and I’m starving. Also, I just used the word “unorthodox” in the context of escort screening. I think I’m done for the night, lol.

— Annie

Update: 3/6/17

A friend on Twitter contacted me to explain his experience with the initial verification and membership approval on P411. Screenshots below; scroll down for transcribed messages. Hope this helps!

Twitter message conversation about what Preferred411.com requires for client membership approval: For P411 to approve me, I had to show my water bill in my name I thought that was strange. --Lol it is. Do you mind telling me what else you had to show them? No pressure, it's just helpful info A copy of my (driver's license)...address blanked out. My work (phone number). --But then they wanted your water bill? That has your address on it! No, address blanked out...name matched.. --Ohhh ok --That makes more sense haha They couldn't verify my (phone number)... I googled it. It said owned by XXX. They couldn't verify it. Weird
Twitter message conversation about what P411 (Preferred411.com( requires for client membership approval, part 2: Anyway, I didn't renew with them since I don't travel. --So you weren't approved? Yes, I was..water bill did it. How can you not google a phone number? Very odd I was with them 1 year. I has 5 okays...but thought..that's proof of what I was doing.


“For P411 to approve me, I had to show my water bill in my name I thought that was strange.”
–Lol it is. Do you mind telling me what else you had to show them? No pressure, it’s just helpful info
“A copy of my (driver’s license)…address blanked out. My work (phone number).”
–But then they wanted your water bill? That has your address on it!
“No, address blanked out…name matched.”
–Ohhh ok. That makes more sense haha
“They couldn’t verify my (phone number)… I googled it. It said owned by XXXXX. They couldn’t verify it. Weird. Anyway, I didn’t renew with them since I don’t travel.”
–So you weren’t approved?
“Yes, I was…water bill did it. How can you not google a phone number? Very odd. I was with them 1 year. I had 5 okays…but thought…that’s proof of what I was doing.”

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Etiquette 101: Calling an Escort and Talking on the Phone – Client Questions

Escorts 101 for newbies: How to call an escortThis is a continuation of my previous post, in which I shared a list of questions a young newbie sent me a while back. I get questions in my email inbox often (from clients, potential clients, potential escorts, and people who aren’t part of the escort/client world but happened to find my blog and were interested enough to write). At some point I’ll get around to answering all of them. But since this list is from a newbie, and since these are questions a lot of newbies have, I thought it would be good to put this info up for ALL the newbies out there. Also, I’ll admit I was a bit amused by the sense of urgency with which he asked these questions, and I was charmed by his apparent concern for getting the etiquette right when calling an escort on the phone. Good job, Anonymous Newbie. You’re off to a great start.

I answered a relatively easy question first (Why do some escorts prefer older men?), so if that’s something you’ve wondered about in the past, please check out my extremely short and sweet answer, lol. Also, if you know the artist for the image from The Graduate, please let me know. It looks like it was taken from an original poster for the film. I love that movie, and I love Anne Bancroft in it. Mrs. Robinson one of my idols when it comes to assertiveness and the art of seduction.

Anyway, today I’m addressing his question about calling an escort–a question that is actually many questions in one. So, without further ado, here are his questions and my answers:


I wanted to know as an absolute newbie how do I make a date with a companion either from Backpage to P411. From the blog I see you are busy and your time is valuable, however I am not looking for a synopsis but an in depth explanation. So let me clarify on my question.

First, I wanted to know the etiquette of talking to a companion on the phone.

OK, here’s where I admit that I’m a little out of my element. I generally am not available on short notice, unless I happen to have had a cancellation. My clients tend to contact me well in advance, and they don’t necessarily need an answer this second. I do understand that not all providers work that way, though. Many providers go to their private incall (or book a hotel room) and devote their entire day(s) to seeing clients. Those providers probably appreciate phone calls because it’s a quick way to schedule something immediately.

Personally, I don’t like to set up dates over the phone. Why? Because I’m all over the place all day long–rushing to a yoga class, going to the gym, WAITING FOR THE REPAIR GUY FOR THE THIRD DAY IN A ROW (grumble grumble), hurrying to get ready for my day job, etc. If the phone rings, I can’t always drop what I’m doing, pull out my calendar, check my schedule, and then jot down screening info (contact info for other providers, and/or info to verify client identity [within reason], etc.). And sometimes, the only time I really have to do all that is late at night, when it’s not appropriate for clients to call me (or for me to call them).

So, I much prefer to get all the important info out of the way via email, and then confirm by phone/text as necessary. However, there are times that I may go several days without checking email, and in those situations, I appreciate a call or a text to say “Hey, I’m trying to set something up with you. Can you get back to me ASAP on this?” Some clients (who know me and my tendencies all too well, lol) will even call me first and say, “Hey, I’ll be in town for a conference next week. I’m about to email you my schedule; let me know if you can meet up any of those nights.” Then, as soon as I have a chance to sit down and focus for a few minutes, I can read the email he sent, check my calendar, figure out a time and day that works for both of us, reply to his email, and confirm the day, time, and location of our date.

That said, I have occasionally set up dates via phone in the past, especially with clients who weren’t very internet/computer savvy. So, I’ll try to answer these questions as well as I can.

  • How do I introduce myself?

    • The same way you’d introduce yourself to anyone else. “Hi, Sally. My name is Joe Shmoe. I saw your ad/website/whatever, and I’d like to spend some time with you later today/next Wednesday/February 29th/whatever.”


  • What can I ask, and what can’t I ask?

    • Well, what do you need to ask? You should know the important stuff before you even contact that girl whose ad you’ve been drooling over. Let’s make a list, shall we?

    Important Stuff You Should Know Before Deciding to Call That Escort

    1. Is she legit?

      2. Is the girl in the ads the same person as the girl you’ll meet on the date?

    2. Is it dangerous to meet with her?

      3. Does she have any problems that have caused her to behave recklessly with clients in the past? Does she attract the attention of law enforcement by being indiscreet about escorting or recreational drug use, or by disturbing the peace? Is she law enforcement?? Is she prone to violence? Has she stolen from or assaulted former would-be clients? These are things you can generally figure out with a little poking around. If there’s not much info about her, well…I guess you have to do a cost/benefit analysis. I don’t advise seeing anyone who is not a well-established provider. But the risks are yours to weigh.

    3. What are her rates?

      4. These will be somewhere on her ad or website. You should not have to ask. If she has them listed on her ad and/or website and you ask her what her rates are, she may become suspicious as to why you’re asking. Perhaps you’re going to try to haggle with her. Or maybe you’re trying to negotiate price for specific activities. She would be right to be suspicious of your motives.

      If her rates aren’t listed on her website, there should be a good reason for that (maybe the site she’s advertising on doesn’t allow her to list her rates, or maybe she’s finding clients via Craigslist personals or Backpage personals, and a list of rates would get her flagged by other site users).


    So, back to your question: What can/can’t you ask?

    Date/Time/Location: You can ask if she’s available on the specific day and time that you’d like to meet. If you’re not sure, you can ask if she does outcalls/incalls.

    Activities and gifts/compensation: This is personal preference, but unless you’re 100% sure she doesn’t mind, you should not ask about sex or money via the phone. She is an escort. If you’re respectful, clean, and nice to her, things will get physical.

    Maybe there’s one specific act you’re looking for, and it’s a dealbreaker if she doesn’t offer it. Still, don’t ask about it on the phone. In that case, you need to either find another girl who explicitly offers that–she might say so on her website, ad(s), or online escort board profile(s), if that’s allowed (though she’s not obligated to do that with you, even if she does it with other clients). But keep in mind that many providers will never explicitly state which activities they “offer.” So, you may need to gamble. By “gamble,” I mean that you book an appointment, place the envelope/gift in plain sight, and see what happens–will she or won’t she be into that thing you really, really enjoy? If you don’t have your answer once things are hot and heavy, you can ask then.* If she says no, there’s your answer. Consider it a learning experience. Now you know she doesn’t offer that–wwell, not to you, at least). If you think it’s important that other guys know that ahead of time, let them know that she did not offer it to you. Remember, “YMMV” (Your Mileage May Vary) applies to every. single. provider. She does not have to participate in the same exact activities with every single client.

    If she doesn’t advertise her rates, I suppose the safest question to ask would be: “What should I bring (for you)?”

    *Communication and consent are SO important. Get used to asking for what you like and talking/checking in to make sure everything’s a-ok during sex. I promise you, it’s cool, it doesn’t break the mood, and most people do it without even thinking about it anyway. Plus, you can learn a lot of new things by communicating with your partner in bed ;)


  • How do I ask about making an appointment?

    • “Hi, Sally. My name is Joe Shmoe. I saw your ad/website/whatever, and I’d like to spend some time at my hotel/your incall/my home with you later today/next Wednesday/February 29th/whatever.”

    You can get all of this out in one blurt. Trust me, this is a lot better than beating around the bush, so to speak. These days, lots of us are pretty awkward on the phone with strangers (ahem, not that I am one of those people…OK FINE, I AM), and those weird clumsy silences can be painful. Just say hello, introduce yourself, and tell her when(day & time) and where (your hotel or neighborhood, or her incall) you’d like to meet. She’ll either accept your invitation, or she’ll ask for an alternative day/time.

    Then, if she’s smart and cautious, she will screen you. More about this later.


  • How do I ask about the donation amount and how they want to receive it?

    • Again, her rates should be posted somewhere on her ad or website. If you can’t find them anywhere, proceed with caution. Use careful phrasing. I would ask, “What should I bring for you?” If she’s clueless as to what you mean by that (and oh lord, I really hope she catches your drift because otherwise I’d begin to doubt her mental competency), you can ask something like, “What should I put in the envelope for you?”

    As to how the provider wants to receive her money, I can’t speak for everyone, but I like it to be in a plain white envelope in an easily-visible, obvious location when I arrive. It’s also nice to put my name on it ;)


  • How do I ask where to meet, whether in call or out call?

    • Again, that will usually be on her ad or website. Some providers (like me–I don’t host) only do outcalls. Some providers (like a few friends of mine, who’d rather stay in one place) only do incalls. In my experience, clients usually know where they want to meet. The vast majority of the time, they know I don’t do incalls, because I make that pretty clear on most of my ads/profiles, etc., and that’s perfectly fine with them, because they don’t want to leave their fancy hotel (and I don’t blame them!). But every once in a while someone will contact me and assume he can come to me. Alas, that’s where he and I part ways, because I have no plans to host clients at a private incall location anytime soon.

    If you don’t know whether she provides incall, outcall, or both, then decide what you’d prefer, and ask for that.

    If you want an outcall: “Can you meet me at the Ritz Carlton at 8pm tonight?” You can give her your room number then, or if you’re feeling chivalrous (or the elevators require keycard access), you can ask if she’d like to come directly up to your room, or if she’d rather you to meet her downstairs in the lobby, or out front of the hotel, or at the bar. Keep in mind that her time starts when she meets you. So, if you decide you’d like to chat over drinks at the bar for 45 minutes before heading upstairs, you should either prepare for a quickie, or ask if you can pay her for more time.

    If you want an incall: “Can you host?” If she says yes, then ask her for her location. Easy peasy. Some girls do a two-call system: She’ll first tell you the general area (like her apartment complex, her hotel, her neighborhood, or her street), and she’ll tell you to call her back once you get there so that she can give you the exact address/apartment number/room number.


  • How do I know if it is a cop on the other end?

    • You don’t, unfortunately. Cops can and do lie. They do that (and worse) to sex workers all the time. I wish I could tell you otherwise. I wish I could say there was a foolproof, fail-proof trick to tell whether you’re talking to a cop or not. But I can’t.

    The best you can do is to be smart and careful. Do your research. Has she been around for a few years, as is evidenced by an active website and/or blog and/or social media accounts and/or activity on online boards (TER, ECCIE, etc.) and/or reviews? If someone’s maintained an active online presence for years, it’s pretty unlikely she’s a cop. But I guess anything’s possible, and you really never know. I can’t promise anything. That’s why a lot of clients find a provider they like and stick with her.

    Please don’t go out there calling the numbers on random, thrown-together ads willy-nilly. I don’t want you to get robbed or arrested. If all you suffer is a simple bait-and-switch, consider yourself lucky. Do your homework!


  • How do I ask for them to verify me as I have no references?

    • She’ll ask. When she asks for references, tell her you have none because you’re a newbie. She might want to verify you via employment verification. She might just Google your phone number. She might not screen you at all. Let’s hope you find providers who care enough about their safety to do some sort of screening.

    You mentioned that you’re on P411, but you don’t have any “Okay”s yet because you haven’t seen any providers yet. Some providers will see you anyway, because they know your identity has been verified by P411.

    The level of screening can vary quite a bit from provider to provider. Many will ask you for provider references (contact info of providers you’ve previously met with who can vouch for you). Some require employment verification (they may want to make a quick call to your office while you’re there to make sure that yes, you really are Dr. Joe Shmoe, podiatrist, and not Creepy Carny Clyde, the drunken tilt-a-whirl operator who just got out of prison for the attempted murder of his ex-wife). If she’s like me, she’ll prefer to do this via email, and she probably has a boring, unassuming email address that she uses for that purpose only. Others may simply check your phone number to make sure no one has posted an urgent warning about you, Clyde.

    To learn more about screening and why we do it, check out Wait, But Why? Escort Screening & Verification 101 for Newbies

    Posted on

    Can a Client Have “Too Many” P411 “Okays”? – Client Questions

    A Question of P411 “Okays”
    Preferred411.com P411 Screenshot Client Okays
    So, how many *is* “too many”?
    (Screenshot of P411 Escort member’s view of a Client member’s profile)

    Continued from the previous post, in which a client asked for advice on a few topics.  I’ve chosen to break them up into separate entries.  In this one, I’ll address a question regarding a client’s number of P411 “Okays.” P411 “Okays” are stamps of approval on the screening website Preferrred411 (commonly referred to as “P411”) by escorts with whom a client has met.

    Also, can someone have too many “okays” on P411?

    My Answer:

    You know, that’s another good question. Ugh, and it’s complicated, too.

    Honestly, I’ve had guys with a few hundred P411 Okays contact me, and I will admit that, yes, it did give me pause.

    But really, let’s look at this a little more closely: yes, that means the client has met with quite a few escorts. But If I made a decision not to see him based on that fact, I’d be succumbing to the culturally-conditioned whorephobia that I’m so adamantly against. Why does it matter if he generously compensated his last 200 sexual partners for their time? Would it be better if he had met the last 200 girls he slept with in a bar? And, theoretically, if he has 200 Okays on P411, these 200 girls are vouching for him and saying that he’s safe to meet with and won’t cause any trouble. Therefore he is arguably one of the people I should be least worried about. And I’m going to take the same precautions with him as I do with everyone because, ultimately, my safety and well-being is my responsibility.

    The Verdict? The more the merrier, in my humble (but sex-positive) opinion.

    So no, I don’t think that someone can have “too many” Okays on P411. But I’m not everyone. There may be girls out there who will be turned off by “too many” P411 Okays, but I’m willing to bet this is a knee-jerk response to what society tells us about this business, sex workers, and the clients who pay for their services. You can’t really blame those girls. The idea that sex workers are dirty whores and clients are (only slightly less) dirty whoremongers is deeply ingrained in our culture, and it’s something that even we (sex workers) are vulnerable to sometimes. Either way, “too many” is relative, so I wouldn’t put too much mental energy into worrying about that. My advice is to get an OK from every P411 girl you see. (I *have* heard girls say they don’t like to meet with guys who have no *recent* OKs. I guess they figure that their account might have been taken over by someone else? I’m not sure what their reasoning is.)

    Posted on

    A variety of providers vs. a regular escort? – Client Questions

    My latest question from a client/reader is on the topic of sampling a variety of escorts vs. repeatedly enjoying a “regular” (a client’s “regular” provider). Read on for the question in his own words, below:

    (Y’all, I think I’m doing an advice column now. I kinda love the idea…)

    Hi Annie,

    I respect you as a professional and appreciate the information on your blog. Plus you’re a really cool person too. I’ve often thought you should start an advice column for hobbyists. ;)

    Question – I understand that everyone is different, but do you think it’s better to see a variety of providers or better to find someone that you connect with and become a “regular”? I’m kind of struggling with that now.

    I’m not trying to change my life, but I enjoy the connection, the intimacy more than the physical sex. When I see someone I prefer to approach the time together more as a date. That’s why I like to start with drinks and get to know the person before moving on to the fun.
    I know variety can be fun, but I’m not sure it’s what I’m looking for.

    At the same time I understand the basis of the provider/client relationship. I’m not looking for a girlfriend either.

    Do u think there is a middle ground out there?

    Also, can someone have too many “okays” on P411?

    I know you’re busy, but if you get a chance I’d love to get your perspective.

    Thanks.

    My response:

    Oh wow, that is a really good question…And I just drank a ton of coffee, so honestly, I could write a master’s thesis on this right now. But instead, I’ll just continue reading…

    “I’m not trying to change my life, but I enjoy the connection, the intimacy more than the physical sex. When I see someone I prefer to approach the time together more as a date. That’s why I like to start with drinks and get to know the person before moving on to the fun.
    I know variety can be fun, but I’m not sure it’s what I’m looking for.”

    Well, I think you just answered your question, didn’t you? It sounds like you’re a the kind of guy that might do best to pick someone you like and stick with her.

    The Safety in Being a “One-Escort-Man”

    There are a lot of advantages to choosing a “regular.” First off, there’s the basic security issue. Once you know someone, you don’t have to go through screening, and neither of you have to fear that the other might be dangerous or otherwise problematic.

    Knowing What to Expect

    Second, you know what to expect. Sometimes, in an attempt to market their services in an eye-catching manner, people use photos that are outdated (no longer representative of her appearance) or over-edited (inaccurate representation of her appearance). I know that occasionally clients choose to meet with a certain young woman, but due to the fact that they’re incapable of time travel, they end up spending the evening with that same woman, just 15 years and 3 kids later. And that’s not always a total disappointment–I’ve spoken with lots of clients who fully admit that they when first met their ATF (all time favorite), they were expecting a much younger, thinner version of her. But it isn’t always a pleasant surprise. And that’s a problem you avoid when you have a regular go-to girl.

    Familiarity

    Third, you develop an intimate understanding of each other. Put simply, you know how to turn each other on. She knows what you like, you know what she likes, and you know how to have fun with her.


    Client Gifts for his Regular Escort: Crawfish Champagne Chocolate Envelope

    I’m always happy to make new friends, but I’ll admit that being someone’s “regular” escort is AWESOME. There’s a lot to be said for someone who knows you this well ;)

    But Then Again…

    There are lots of advantages to seeing a variety of girls, too. But I’m going to save that for a blog post, because I’d really like to finish this before the sun goes down, lol.

    And then there’s always the middle-of-the-road option for people like me who aren’t very good at choosing. There’s no rule that you can only have one “regular.” Maybe you’d like two or three. Maybe Suzie does it for you on days when you’re stressed to exhaustion, and maybe you like to celebrate with Nancy on those days when everything’s going your way. And if you’re splitting your time between two or more cities, this option makes even more sense.

    Successful “Long-Term Arrangements” Require Clear Boundaries

    At the same time I understand the basis of the provider/client relationship. I’m not looking for a girlfriend either.

    Perfect. You’re coming into this with the right attitude and realistic expectations. That’s what we like. Especially if you’re gravitating more toward the “regular girl” option.

    There are clients out there who, after they’ve met with a lady several times, begin to confuse the roles of “girlfriend” and “professional companion.” Boundaries are important. That’s why we’re professionals. People who understand this business get that you can’t distill it down to some pithy one-liner like “Hurr hurr, you don’t pay her for sex, you pay her to leave!” or “Harr harr, only losers who can’t get laid pay for it!” It’s not that simple. And it’s not stupid or insulting to either person involved.

    The (Idealized) Girlfriend Experience (GFE)

    As professionals (escorts, professional companions, service providers, whatever), we’re compensated not because we can do something a girlfriend could do, but because we can do something a girlfriend can’t. We provide an idealized Girlfriend Experience: the experience of having an AWESOME girlfriend who is horny and fun and interesting and respectful for the entire time you’re together.

    A real girlfriend can’t do that. Why? Because you’re around her for more than a few hours. No one can be awesome 24 hours a day. A real girlfriend lives with you (or spends lots of time around you) for days, weeks, months, years. You’ll have serious conflicts. You’ll have minor gripes. Grudges will be held. Disappointments will happen. Working through those things together can strengthen and enrich a relationship and ultimately add to the value and beauty of it.

    But let’s be honest. That’s a huge time investment, and a lot of work. And sometimes you just want to skip to the good part–you just want to have uncomplicated fun with a cool girl who’s down to fuck. And that’s why we’re here.

    Do u think there is a middle ground out there?

    Hah! I’m one step ahead of you. Scroll up.

    Also, can someone have too many “okays” on P411?

    I’ve decided to answer this question in a separate post.  Check out “Can a Client Have “Too Many” P411 “Okays”? – Client Questions” for my answer.

     

    Posted on

    Escort Screening: No Digital Breadcrumbs? Client Advice

    Hey all!  Happy New Year!  Hope 2015 is treating y’all well.  It’s brought some huge changes for little ol’ me.  Some of you know what I’m talking about; some of you don’t.  Don’t worry, I’m fine and nothing terrible has happened.  It’s ultimately a good (actually, awesome and amazing) thing, but it’s going to be to be an exciting, hectic, difficult, and scary few months…wish me luck?

    Anyway, let’s get to the topic at hand.  I was going through my email inbox (which I’m pitifully behind on, by the way…sorry, y’all), and I discovered a message I hadn’t previously noticed.  I feel pretty bad for answering it so late, but better late than never, right?

    …You know, I should really do an advice column.  I get so many emails from curious readers, and I genuinely do enjoy answering them (when I have the time).  Maybe that should be one of my new projects for 2015?

    Here’s the email (sensitive details removed):

    I’ve just read your three part blog series concerning the various reference methods you employ for clients. Very informative and helpful I might add. My situation is a bit unique and I wanted to get your take for my best course of action.

    Specifically, I’m a newbie with no references to speak of. I am also (**insert profession or organization here**) holding an extremely sensitive position. With that being said, I am very hesitant about providing anything work related, to even include my email address […] Same goes for the data verification websites, as from what I gather, require the same work related information.  

    So therein lies my quandary; how do I prove that I’m a respectable and trustworthy person, while at the same time protect my work identity? Is there a way to do so without providing work information, or providing it, but without a digital breadcrumb trail? Or am I screwed in the sense that I will never be able to enjoy the company of a professional companion due to my unique circumstances? Just wanted to get your perspective and recommendation on this, as I know you’re very experienced and knowledgeable in this area. 

    Lastly, I want to close by saying that I completely understand the thoroughness of the verification process. To be honest with you, when searching for my first potential provider, I avoid those who don’t utilize such a process.

    I’m fully aware you’re a very busy woman but any recommendation no matter how long or short would very much be appreciated. 

    Thanks,

    -John

    Well then, “John,” here’s my answer:

    First of all, I’m glad to hear that, in your search for a professional companion, you’re considering her screening requirements a requirement of your own.  That’s smart.  And I can’t really vouch for what the screening sites (like P411, or the ever-terrible and most certainly NOT recommended Date-Check) require, as I’ve never been a client applying for membership to those sites. But to answer your question…

    Honestly, your situation is gonna be difficult.  It will require extra effort and/or money on your part.

    Here are the options I can think of (and that I’ve used in the past):

    1. You could offer to meet the lady in a public place for an in-person screening.  This would require you both to show up at a public place (think coffee shop, bookstore, etc.), and for you to bring your ID and enough cash to cover her hourly rate (in a gift bag or a birthday card–you’ll be in public, so don’t just had her a wad of bills, obviously).  Sit down for a bit, talk with her, and show her your ID.  She can look at your ID, look at you, and verify that it’s legit. Then, you can part ways, and she can go home and do her research to make sure you’re not some kind of crazy predator.  She can then contact you and schedule a date.

      This method sounds extreme, I know. But you have to account for the fact that it’s rather extreme to expect a woman to meet alone with a man she knows literally nothing about–a man who refuses to provide her with any identifying information about himself. Honestly, when a man refuses to tell me who he is, but he wants me to meet with him alone, I think “What’s he trying to hide?”

      Perhaps there are girls who, upon meeting up with you, would feel comfortable enough to proceed with a date immediately (before returning home to research you and verify that you’re not a predator), but you shouldn’t go into the meeting expecting that.

      I used this method once with a client who was involved in politics.  It worked well for us.

    2. You could go to the source: ask the lady you’re interested in meeting with what you can do to make her comfortable meeting with you. You don’t have to agree to whatever she suggests, of course. But you should listen respectfully before you accept or decline her offer. Remember that the objective here is for her to ensure her own safety. After all, if she feels she’s wandered into a potentially dangerous situation, the date won’t be enjoyable for either of you.

    3. Set up a fake email account and “persona.”  Join a message board like TER or ECCIE.  Start contacting providers that way.  There may be a provider on there who is (unfortunately) lax about screening.  See her.  Be nice, be generous, have fun.  Hope that her recommendation carries weight with other providers.  Hope that, when you use her as a reference and another provider contacts her to make sure you’re cool, she actually responds in a timely manner with a message that says “yes, John’s a safe, fun, great guy.”  Hope that the girl trusts her and meets with you.  See her.  Be nice, be generous, have fun.  Lather, rinse, repeat.  

      Build up a list of references that way.

      There are problems with this option.

      First, you’ll have to set up a profile on a “hobby board.”  If you’re afraid of leaving evidence of your newfound entertainment options/leisure activities, this is pretty much the worst thing a snooping partner/boss/child could find.  Seriously.  Some of the people on those boards are pretty vile, and no one’s beating around the bush (pun intended) as far as subject matter.

      Secondly, you should know that many, many girls do not see guys based solely on references.  The reference system requires us to trust each other.  We’re basically on the honor system, and we’re relying on each other to be honest, charitable, and timely.

      That sounds easy enough, but you have to understand that, if Suzie emails Nancy to ask if Dick is an OK guy, Nancy has to stop what she’s doing, figure out who Dick is, try to remember if he was cool or not, and then compose an email vouching for him.

      The only person who receives an immediate benefit from the exchange is Suzie, who, presumably, now feels safe enough to meet Dick for an hour and leave a few hundred bucks richer.  Yay, Suzie!  Yay, Dick!!

      But what about Nancy?

      Nancy has lost anywhere from 2 to 20 minutes of her time (depending on how good her memory is, whether she has a smartphone with internet access, how fast/accurate she can type, etc.).  And what has Nancy won?  A warm, fuzzy feeling in her heart, because she knows she helped another provider do two things: 1) make an informed decision, and 2) pay her rent.

      But not everyone is motivated by a sense of decency/ethics/responsibility/warm, fuzzy feelings.

      Some people are lazy.  They’ll say, “What’s in it for me?”  And they won’t bother answering.

      Some will say, “I sincerely don’t remember Dick, sorry.”

      And unfortunately, some will say, “Why is Dick trying to schedule a date with the competition?  I should call him and offer him a $50 discount to meet with me instead.”

      Still others will say, “Oh, I’d better answer that email…oh shit!  Darling Offspring, is that peanut butter?  Dammit, don’t paint the dog with peanut butter!”  And then she’ll spend the next hour cleaning peanut butter out of the hair, ears, and nose of both her child and her dog, and she’ll forget she ever read that email reference request.

      So, it’s an imperfect system.  Ideally, we all cooperate for the good of the group–an extended community of sex workers whose work can be quite dangerous (due to criminalization and cultural stigma) if we don’t work together to ensure each individual’s safety.  But the world is full of real people, not ideal cogs in an ideal machine.  And some real people are real assholes.

    4. There are ways to provide work info without a digital breadcrumb trail.  Here’s one of my favorites.

    …And that’s all I can think of right now, but I hope it’s helpful…

    Posted on

    Wait, But Why? Escort Screening & Verification 101 for Newbies



    I’ve written at length about the “how” of escort screening. Right now I’m going to write a little about the “why.”

    (Preface: Sometimes I get carried away. If you’re in a rush, you don’t want to hear about my love of 3-legged dogs and my hatred of mayonnaise, and you just want to be reassured that we’re not performing weird witchcraft rituals with your info or selling it to spammers for .0000000001 cent, scroll on down. I assure you, I DO have a point…)



    For the Newbies…

    This one’s for all the newbies out there ;)

    Continue reading “Wait, But Why? Escort Screening & Verification 101 for Newbies”

    Posted on

    My Screening Practices Explained, Part 3: Scheduling a Date with an Escort & Providing References

    **This is Part 3 of a three-part series explaining some of the most common screening methods escorts, providers, and other adult entertainers use to ensure safety and discretion with clients.**


    “Can I use you as a reference?”

    So yesterday I received an email from a client I had an absolutely amazing time with a few weeks back. This gentleman was inquiring as to whether he could use me as a reference. For those of you who aren’t that familiar with how providers and clients meet each other safely, or how we know if we even want to meet each other (i.e., will we be compatible?), allow me to explain.

    Providers use many, many methods of screening (I’ve written two pretty extensive blog posts on the screening methods I use: My Screening Practices Explained – Part 1 and Part 2 – P411, Date-Check, and References.). When you schedule a date with a provider (escort, personal/professional companion, FBSM/sensual massage provider, etc.), she may ask you (the hopeful client) for “references.” What she’s asking for is permission to contact providers you have met with previously (usually two or three of them).

    Why do we ask for this? Well, here’s the thing: women talk. (So do men, of course, but I haven’t interacted with many male providers, unfortunately. I’d love hear their perspective on this, though.) And in this business, we look out for each other–or at least, those of us who are decent human beings do. So, before we meet with a client, we like to consult each other to make sure the guy is safe and respectful. And sometimes, just sometimes, we might get a few insider tips on what that client really enjoys. ;)

    This isn’t very different from “real-life” dating. We all exist within social circles. In the past, whenever I’ve been “romantically” (or simply sexually) interested in someone, I’ve consulted with mutual friends to get the scoop on him/her. And boy, have I dodged some bullets. But my behind-the-scenes detective work (if you can call asking a friend “So, what’s the deal with so-and-so?” “detective work”) has also led to some truly amazing, satisfying romantic encounters, relationships, and friendships.

    So, when I received the following email from this gentleman (copy/pasted, in part):
    Continue reading “My Screening Practices Explained, Part 3: Scheduling a Date with an Escort & Providing References”

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    My Screening Practices Explained, Part 2: P411, Date-Check, TER, and References

     

    **This is Part 2 of a three-part series explaining some of the most common screening methods escorts, providers, and other adult entertainers use to ensure safety and discretion with clients.**

     

    (continued from My Screening Practices Explained, Part 1: Just Google Me, Baby!)

    Soooo…

    Screening Sites

    In addition to the identity verification system I outlined in Part 1, I do, like many other providers, accept provider references and use P411 as part of my screening process, but I no longer accept Date-Check.

    escort screening site preferred411 P411
    P411 logo: Kinda looks like a logo for some kind of feminine hygiene product, doesn’t it?

    P411 (or Preferred 411, if you want to be fancy and call it by its full name) is a site where clients network with providers. Basically, providers vouch for clients.

    This is how it works: A provider meets with a client, and then she reports back to the site regarding whether the client is safe to meet with or not. If she feels that he was a gentleman, she will indicate that. This is called an “Okay.” If she felt that her safety was jeopardized by meeting with him, she will report him. The next time he decides to meet with a provider, she can check the “Okays” he has been given, and then contact those providers for further details. Using this system, providers can quickly and easily vet potential clients based on how other providers felt after sessions with him.

    date check is terrible
    Date-Check.com: Really, Date-Check? Neon yellow and fire-engine red print on a bright purple background? My eyes, my eyes!! It burns!!!!

    Date-Check is similar, just uglier and clunkier. Seriously, it looks like they jumped into a time machine, traveled back to 1998, and asked a 7-year-old with a drug problem to design that website. It’s a mess. Also, the admins/owners of that site are…not the brightest of the bunch. For example, at the moment they have me listed as “retired.” Why? Because I had the gall to tell them that, if they were going require me to pay them for access to their site (a site whose main revenue comes from the traffic and paid subscriptions of clients who are searching for escorts), then they needed to pay me for access to my photos and content. You see, they elected to keep my photos, content, contact info on their site after notifying me that my account was no longer free. I’m not OK with a company using my material to pull traffic to their site and giving me nothing in return, so I asked them to restore my account or remove my profile. Somehow, they understood that as, “I’m quitting the business.” Um, no.

    There are several other websites similar to these. Different sites are more popular in different locations. For example, Room Service 2000 (RoomService2000.com) is popular in Chicago. P411 is probably the most widely used in New Orleans.

    Provider References

    I do ask for references from clients (click here for a detailed explanation of how that works). No, this doesn’t mean I want to hear from your thesis director or your boss. This means I would like to personally contact (through email or phone) two or three providers you’ve met with. I’ll talk to that provider, and I’ll ask her a few questions that will (hopefully) let me know I will be safe and comfortable in the client’s presence, and that we will be compatible.

    TER Whitelist – The Erotic Review Client Whitelist

    Continue reading “My Screening Practices Explained, Part 2: P411, Date-Check, TER, and References”