My Screening Practices Explained, Part 3: Scheduling a Date with an Escort & Providing References

**This is Part 3 of a three-part series explaining some of the most common screening methods escorts, providers, and other adult entertainers use to ensure safety and discretion with clients.**

“Can I use you as a reference?”

So yesterday I received an email from a client I had an absolutely amazing time with a few weeks back. This gentleman was inquiring as to whether he could use me as a reference. For those of you who aren’t that familiar with how providers and clients meet each other safely, or how we know if we even want to meet each other (i.e., will we be compatible?), allow me to explain.

Providers use many, many methods of screening (I’ve written two pretty extensive blog posts on the screening methods I use: My Screening Practices Explained – Part 1 and Part 2 – P411, Date-Check, and References.). When you schedule a date with a provider (escort, personal/professional companion, FBSM/sensual massage provider, etc.), she may ask you (the hopeful client) for “references.” What she’s asking for is permission to contact providers you have met with previously (usually two or three of them).

Why do we ask for this? Well, here’s the thing: women talk. (So do men, of course, but I haven’t interacted with many male providers, unfortunately. I’d love hear their perspective on this, though.) And in this business, we look out for each other–or at least, those of us who are decent human beings do. So, before we meet with a client, we like to consult each other to make sure the guy is safe and respectful. And sometimes, just sometimes, we might get a few insider tips on what that client really enjoys. ;)

This isn’t very different from “real-life” dating. We all exist within social circles. In the past, whenever I’ve been “romantically” (or simply sexually) interested in someone, I’ve consulted with mutual friends to get the scoop on him/her. And boy, have I dodged some bullets. But my behind-the-scenes detective work (if you can call asking a friend “So, what’s the deal with so-and-so?” “detective work”) has also led to some truly amazing, satisfying romantic encounters, relationships, and friendships.

So, when I received the following email from this gentleman (copy/pasted, in part):

“Hey Annie – would it be possible to use you as a reference? How best would this person get in contact with you?”

I was more than happy to oblige.

What reference info does an escort need?

Generally, when we ask for references, we’re looking for a name, email address, and a link to a website. For example:

This way, the provider can look at my website and see that I’m legit (or even search for my name on various ad, screening, and networking sites) before contacting me).

Because, of course, there’s no point in contacting me if she has no idea whether I’m a real provider or just a speedily-slapped-together email address the client made to “vouch” for himself. For instance, anyone can say they’re me and tell a provider that a potential client is a-okay. But only one person (me!) has the email addresses (annie@nolacourtesan.com, nolacourtesan@gmail.com, anniecalhoun.nola@gmail.com) listed on my website and on my ads.

I’ve got your number…

Some providers accept phone numbers as well. As for me, that’s not really my style. I prefer to contact providers through email. Why? Because frankly, I find it rude to call someone I don’t even know just to ask her to stop whatever she’s doing and do something for ME (i.e., verify that she has met with a client and he is safe and respectful). People have lives. I don’t want to interrupt her while she’s working, or at a PTA meeting, or eating dinner, or watching True Blood, or hell, masturbating. Plus, for me at least, between work, everyday responsibilities, hobbies (I’m talking art and bicycling and the like, not “the hobby”), classes I take for personal enrichment, and just plain laziness (hey, at least I admit my faults), I often don’t get around to responding to emails until it’s later at night, and therefore inappropriate to call someone I don’t know. But, to each her own.

**Sidenote: Any escort or other adult entertainment provider worth his or her salt will require SOME measure of screening, be it references, employment verification, or membership on a screening site like P411 or Date-Check (even though I hate that site and do not use or recommend it). You should NOT trust a provider who does not require screening–those who don’t require screening are meeting with clients indiscriminately, without regard for their own safety. A provider who does not require screening is either

  1. Desperate for business and taking chances (and do you really want to meet with someone in that situation?)
  2. or

  3. Not planning on actually spending time with the client anyway, and has other motives for meeting with him, or leading him to believe she’ll be meeting with him (hence her safety isn’t a concern).

So that’s what we mean by “provider references,” and that’s why we (well, some of us) accept them as part of our screening processes.

18 Replies to “My Screening Practices Explained, Part 3: Scheduling a Date with an Escort & Providing References”

    1. Hey Jason,

      If it’s your first time seeing a provider, you should probably ask if she can screen and verify you through employment information. Many providers accept this form of verification. Basically, you would give her the website for your company, and point out the page that lists your work phone number or your work email address. Then, she would either call or email you at work just this once in order to confirm your identity (and she shouldn’t contact you there ever again). For an explanation, see this post: My Screening Practices Explained – Part 1: Just Google Me, Baby!

        1. Hey there Charlie,

          If you’ve never met with an escort in the past and therefore cannot provide references, there are a couple of things an unemployed, full-time student could do to pass screening.

          Keep in mind that screening requirements vary from escort to escort. There are, however, a few that many of us have in common.

          • If you have an email address associated with your university/college, we can usually screen you with the same method we use for employment verification.

          • You could sign up with a screening service such as P411 (I no longer recommend Date-Check.com / Date-Check.net).

          • You could offer to meet the lady in a public place for an in-person screening. She would still need to be compensated for her time, of course. She may offer a special reduced rate for this type of meeting, or her regular hourly rates may apply.

          • You could ask the lady you’re interested in meeting with what you can do to make her comfortable meeting with you. You don’t have to agree to whatever she suggests, of course. But you should listen respectfully before you accept or decline her offer. Remember that the objective here is for her to ensure her own safety. After all, if she feels she’s wandered into a potentially dangerous situation, the date won’t be enjoyable for either of you.


  1. What if you work in the field and you don’t have an office with a website and you’ve never had a date with an escort. I am a young 56 year old, everything still works, am in pretty good shape. My libido has kicked into overdrive. Thank you

    1. Hi James! I just noticed your comment.

      Keep in mind that screening requirements vary from escort to escort. There are, however, a few that many of us have in common.


      • You could sign up with a screening service such as P411 (or whatever screening/verification site is popular in your area (I no longer use or recommend Date-Check.net / Date-Check.com).

      • You could offer to meet the lady in a public place for an in-person screening. She would still need to be compensated for her time, of course. She may offer a special reduced rate for this type of meeting, or her regular hourly rates may apply.

      • You could ask the lady you’re interested in meeting with what you can do to make her comfortable meeting with you. You don’t have to agree to whatever she suggests, of course. But you should listen respectfully before you accept or decline her offer. Remember that the objective here is for her to ensure her own safety. After all, if she feels she’s wandered into a potentially dangerous situation, the date won’t be enjoyable for either of you.


  2. This is all to stay safe while avoiding the law? We don’t do references in Britain at all. Just if someone seems legit from, e.g., their Adultwork profile, then you see them, and I understand that applies equally to escorts and their clients. Really interesting, if the only difference is legality.

  3. Hi
    Its my first time so I dont have any references yet. I am also self employed currently (recently graduated from college). Not sure how can I get screened in my case? Any advice would def. help.

    1. Hey there,

      If you still have access to your student email account, we can use that for screening. If not, I can sometimes screen via LinkedIn or Facebook. If you own and operate an LLC, I can sometimes screen with that information. Contact me and we’ll work something out ;)

  4. Hello Annie,

    I have a few questions about setting up a date for the first time and other info.The date is not with you but in general for other companions. I stumbled upon your blog and found it fascinating. I really love your writing style. I read all three of your verification parts. You have alot of info on your blog so I don’t know if you have talked about this info or not. I wanted to know as an absolute newbie how do I make a date with a companion either from Backpage to P411. From the blog I see you are busy and your time is valuable, however I am not looking for a synopsis but an in depth explanation. So let me clarify on my question.

    First, I wanted to know the etiquette of talking to a companion on the phone.

    How do introduce myself?

    What can I ask and what can’t I ask?

    How do I ask about making an appointment?

    How do I ask about the donation amount and how they want to receive it?

    How do I ask where to meet whether in call or out?

    How do I know if it is a cop on the other end?

    How do I ask for them to verify me as I have no references?

    (I have read your three verification posts and I had joined P411. I have had my employment verified and have a year subscription. I want to know how to bring it up and respond when they ask about my references.)

    My next question is on etiquette with the same questions but on email or P411 appointment requests.

    My third question is I live in Springfield Missouri and majority ads are on Backpage with out any reviews how do I find out if they are legit or not?( Also any other places I should look for companions other than T.E.R, E.C.C.I.E, and the monkey one in my area.)

    My fourth question is many of the companions are much older than I am but once they hear my age they want nothing to do with me. How do I get my foot through the door with my age. I am 20 Years old and a big guy. I know my age is young but I go to school and work for a living so I dont have time for relationships. Even though my weight has been a big factor in my dating scene. I still want to experience things while I try to lose my weight. Which is a long journey from now. I am very mature for my age. I am a well mannered person. I keep myself well groomed and clean as is physically possible. As a guy who ways 240lbs image and cleanliness means more than anything possible.

    My fifth question is if I do finally hit gold. What is the etiquette on the date:

    What should I wear?

    I haven’t shaved “down there” for a while, but what is the formality. Trim or bare?

    What do I say when I meet them?

    If it’s incall where and how do I place the money? Same for outcall?

    What do I talk about and don’t?

    How do I find out about what they can or don’t do without incriminating myself or sounding like an idiot?

    How do I know if they are a cop, is there certain things they say that a companion would never?

    Who makes the first move and I am a shy person in intimate matters. I have the deed once and that was when I was not sober. I barely remember it. To me that doesn’t really count as an experience. So how do I let them know about my level of expertise in general.

    My whole goal in finding a companion is not just for my own enjoyment but rather a learning experience for future non companion partners. I want to learn what makes a woman tick. How to please them and give them the pleasure that I can get. How do I let a companion know that I want to learn the ins and outs of pleasing a woman in bed. You know from beginning to end. I am weak in the “length” and physique department so I need some other things in the Arsenal until I fix the physique part lol.

    Many guys look at companions as their brute right and for their pleasure. But, I literally want to enjoy and learn things on a woman that you could not learn without being in a relationship. Let me know if you think my views on this is achievable and realistic. I have been scouring the Internet but it’s mostly Alpha Males and they’re Triumphs. Your blog is something I have been looking for. A chance of getting info from not a client side but by the companion side.

    This is everything that my mind has been searching for on this subject but I have gotten no where. I know I wrote a shit ton lol. It would mean a lot if you helped me. If you need something in return let me know. I am hopeful of your response.

    P.S. I know this email is fake. That is to make sure no one stumbles on this email message also please excuse any grammatically and punctuational errors as I have typed and formatted this on my phone. I’m not as good at writing as you are!

    Thank You

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