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The Owl Flies at Midnight: Another Employment Verification Option

The questions about screening never end, and sometimes my clients give me fantastic ideas. For instance, the following client proposed a new way for me to screen clients via employment info, without asking them to send emails from their work email account:

Good afternoon Annie. I love all the information you are providing. Your blog is a valuable resources for those who have little to no experience, such as myself.

While I find your email verification idea promising, do you think one would find it acceptable to send an email to a clients work address then at which time the individual could in turn copy said contents of the email and respond with the message from their personal email. The reason being, some businesses track the majority of their emails and by responding to the email being sent to the their work address could sacrifice anonymity for the client.

Thank you in advance for any reply. You are fantastic.

Here’s my reply:

So, if I’m understanding you correctly, what you mean is that the escort would send an email to ClientsName@clientsemployer.com that said something like this:

Hi there,

The owl flies at midnight.

Thanks!

Then, instead of emailing her back from your work email (ClientsName@ClientsEmployer.com), you would use your regular personal email account to send her a message that looks something like this:

Dear Escort’sName,

I got your email at my work account. The message it contained was “The owl flies at midnight.”

Hope to hear from you soon,
Client’sName

This would mean that:

  1. Because you were able to tell her the unique, un-guessable message her email contained, the escort would know that you have access to that account, so therefore you must be the real Daniel Lastname, and

  2. You did this without responding to her from your work account, so there was never a back-and-forth email conversation going through your employer’s server. That way, if your employer is monitoring your email conversations, you can always say, “Yeah, I got that weird email, but I didn’t know what it was about and I didn’t recognize the name of the person who sent it, so I just ignored it. You mean that was a female escort??? Well, I’ll be a monkey’s uncle!!! What did she want with me?!? I’ve never contacted an escort in my life! Shoot, I didn’t even know they existed! I thought they were a myth! Like unicorns and Santa Claus and politicians with integrity!!” etc. etc. etc.

Yes, this type of loophole would work for me. And what a creative solution it is!

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Escort Screening: No Digital Breadcrumbs? Client Advice

Hey all!  Happy New Year!  Hope 2015 is treating y’all well.  It’s brought some huge changes for little ol’ me.  Some of you know what I’m talking about; some of you don’t.  Don’t worry, I’m fine and nothing terrible has happened.  It’s ultimately a good (actually, awesome and amazing) thing, but it’s going to be to be an exciting, hectic, difficult, and scary few months…wish me luck?

Anyway, let’s get to the topic at hand.  I was going through my email inbox (which I’m pitifully behind on, by the way…sorry, y’all), and I discovered a message I hadn’t previously noticed.  I feel pretty bad for answering it so late, but better late than never, right?

…You know, I should really do an advice column.  I get so many emails from curious readers, and I genuinely do enjoy answering them (when I have the time).  Maybe that should be one of my new projects for 2015?

Here’s the email (sensitive details removed):

I’ve just read your three part blog series concerning the various reference methods you employ for clients. Very informative and helpful I might add. My situation is a bit unique and I wanted to get your take for my best course of action.

Specifically, I’m a newbie with no references to speak of. I am also (**insert profession or organization here**) holding an extremely sensitive position. With that being said, I am very hesitant about providing anything work related, to even include my email address […] Same goes for the data verification websites, as from what I gather, require the same work related information.  

So therein lies my quandary; how do I prove that I’m a respectable and trustworthy person, while at the same time protect my work identity? Is there a way to do so without providing work information, or providing it, but without a digital breadcrumb trail? Or am I screwed in the sense that I will never be able to enjoy the company of a professional companion due to my unique circumstances? Just wanted to get your perspective and recommendation on this, as I know you’re very experienced and knowledgeable in this area. 

Lastly, I want to close by saying that I completely understand the thoroughness of the verification process. To be honest with you, when searching for my first potential provider, I avoid those who don’t utilize such a process.

I’m fully aware you’re a very busy woman but any recommendation no matter how long or short would very much be appreciated. 

Thanks,

-John

Well then, “John,” here’s my answer:

First of all, I’m glad to hear that, in your search for a professional companion, you’re considering her screening requirements a requirement of your own.  That’s smart.  And I can’t really vouch for what the screening sites (like P411, or the ever-terrible and most certainly NOT recommended Date-Check) require, as I’ve never been a client applying for membership to those sites. But to answer your question…

Honestly, your situation is gonna be difficult.  It will require extra effort and/or money on your part.

Here are the options I can think of (and that I’ve used in the past):

  1. You could offer to meet the lady in a public place for an in-person screening.  This would require you both to show up at a public place (think coffee shop, bookstore, etc.), and for you to bring your ID and enough cash to cover her hourly rate (in a gift bag or a birthday card–you’ll be in public, so don’t just had her a wad of bills, obviously).  Sit down for a bit, talk with her, and show her your ID.  She can look at your ID, look at you, and verify that it’s legit. Then, you can part ways, and she can go home and do her research to make sure you’re not some kind of crazy predator.  She can then contact you and schedule a date.

    This method sounds extreme, I know. But you have to account for the fact that it’s rather extreme to expect a woman to meet alone with a man she knows literally nothing about–a man who refuses to provide her with any identifying information about himself. Honestly, when a man refuses to tell me who he is, but he wants me to meet with him alone, I think “What’s he trying to hide?”

    Perhaps there are girls who, upon meeting up with you, would feel comfortable enough to proceed with a date immediately (before returning home to research you and verify that you’re not a predator), but you shouldn’t go into the meeting expecting that.

    I used this method once with a client who was involved in politics.  It worked well for us.

  2. You could go to the source: ask the lady you’re interested in meeting with what you can do to make her comfortable meeting with you. You don’t have to agree to whatever she suggests, of course. But you should listen respectfully before you accept or decline her offer. Remember that the objective here is for her to ensure her own safety. After all, if she feels she’s wandered into a potentially dangerous situation, the date won’t be enjoyable for either of you.

  3. Set up a fake email account and “persona.”  Join a message board like TER or ECCIE.  Start contacting providers that way.  There may be a provider on there who is (unfortunately) lax about screening.  See her.  Be nice, be generous, have fun.  Hope that her recommendation carries weight with other providers.  Hope that, when you use her as a reference and another provider contacts her to make sure you’re cool, she actually responds in a timely manner with a message that says “yes, John’s a safe, fun, great guy.”  Hope that the girl trusts her and meets with you.  See her.  Be nice, be generous, have fun.  Lather, rinse, repeat.  

    Build up a list of references that way.

    There are problems with this option.

    First, you’ll have to set up a profile on a “hobby board.”  If you’re afraid of leaving evidence of your newfound entertainment options/leisure activities, this is pretty much the worst thing a snooping partner/boss/child could find.  Seriously.  Some of the people on those boards are pretty vile, and no one’s beating around the bush (pun intended) as far as subject matter.

    Secondly, you should know that many, many girls do not see guys based solely on references.  The reference system requires us to trust each other.  We’re basically on the honor system, and we’re relying on each other to be honest, charitable, and timely.

    That sounds easy enough, but you have to understand that, if Suzie emails Nancy to ask if Dick is an OK guy, Nancy has to stop what she’s doing, figure out who Dick is, try to remember if he was cool or not, and then compose an email vouching for him.

    The only person who receives an immediate benefit from the exchange is Suzie, who, presumably, now feels safe enough to meet Dick for an hour and leave a few hundred bucks richer.  Yay, Suzie!  Yay, Dick!!

    But what about Nancy?

    Nancy has lost anywhere from 2 to 20 minutes of her time (depending on how good her memory is, whether she has a smartphone with internet access, how fast/accurate she can type, etc.).  And what has Nancy won?  A warm, fuzzy feeling in her heart, because she knows she helped another provider do two things: 1) make an informed decision, and 2) pay her rent.

    But not everyone is motivated by a sense of decency/ethics/responsibility/warm, fuzzy feelings.

    Some people are lazy.  They’ll say, “What’s in it for me?”  And they won’t bother answering.

    Some will say, “I sincerely don’t remember Dick, sorry.”

    And unfortunately, some will say, “Why is Dick trying to schedule a date with the competition?  I should call him and offer him a $50 discount to meet with me instead.”

    Still others will say, “Oh, I’d better answer that email…oh shit!  Darling Offspring, is that peanut butter?  Dammit, don’t paint the dog with peanut butter!”  And then she’ll spend the next hour cleaning peanut butter out of the hair, ears, and nose of both her child and her dog, and she’ll forget she ever read that email reference request.

    So, it’s an imperfect system.  Ideally, we all cooperate for the good of the group–an extended community of sex workers whose work can be quite dangerous (due to criminalization and cultural stigma) if we don’t work together to ensure each individual’s safety.  But the world is full of real people, not ideal cogs in an ideal machine.  And some real people are real assholes.

  4. There are ways to provide work info without a digital breadcrumb trail.  Here’s one of my favorites.

…And that’s all I can think of right now, but I hope it’s helpful…

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Wait, But Why? Escort Screening & Verification 101 for Newbies



I’ve written at length about the “how” of escort screening. Right now I’m going to write a little about the “why.”

(Preface: Sometimes I get carried away. If you’re in a rush, you don’t want to hear about my love of 3-legged dogs and my hatred of mayonnaise, and you just want to be reassured that we’re not performing weird witchcraft rituals with your info or selling it to spammers for .0000000001 cent, scroll on down. I assure you, I DO have a point…)



For the Newbies…

This one’s for all the newbies out there ;)

Continue reading “Wait, But Why? Escort Screening & Verification 101 for Newbies”

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My Screening Practices Explained, Part 3: Scheduling a Date with an Escort & Providing References

**This is Part 3 of a three-part series explaining some of the most common screening methods escorts, providers, and other adult entertainers use to ensure safety and discretion with clients.**


“Can I use you as a reference?”

So yesterday I received an email from a client I had an absolutely amazing time with a few weeks back. This gentleman was inquiring as to whether he could use me as a reference. For those of you who aren’t that familiar with how providers and clients meet each other safely, or how we know if we even want to meet each other (i.e., will we be compatible?), allow me to explain.

Providers use many, many methods of screening (I’ve written two pretty extensive blog posts on the screening methods I use: My Screening Practices Explained – Part 1 and Part 2 – P411, Date-Check, and References.). When you schedule a date with a provider (escort, personal/professional companion, FBSM/sensual massage provider, etc.), she may ask you (the hopeful client) for “references.” What she’s asking for is permission to contact providers you have met with previously (usually two or three of them).

Why do we ask for this? Well, here’s the thing: women talk. (So do men, of course, but I haven’t interacted with many male providers, unfortunately. I’d love hear their perspective on this, though.) And in this business, we look out for each other–or at least, those of us who are decent human beings do. So, before we meet with a client, we like to consult each other to make sure the guy is safe and respectful. And sometimes, just sometimes, we might get a few insider tips on what that client really enjoys. ;)

This isn’t very different from “real-life” dating. We all exist within social circles. In the past, whenever I’ve been “romantically” (or simply sexually) interested in someone, I’ve consulted with mutual friends to get the scoop on him/her. And boy, have I dodged some bullets. But my behind-the-scenes detective work (if you can call asking a friend “So, what’s the deal with so-and-so?” “detective work”) has also led to some truly amazing, satisfying romantic encounters, relationships, and friendships.

So, when I received the following email from this gentleman (copy/pasted, in part):
Continue reading “My Screening Practices Explained, Part 3: Scheduling a Date with an Escort & Providing References”

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My Screening Practices Explained, Part 2: P411, Date-Check, TER, and References

 

**This is Part 2 of a three-part series explaining some of the most common screening methods escorts, providers, and other adult entertainers use to ensure safety and discretion with clients.**

 

(continued from My Screening Practices Explained, Part 1: Just Google Me, Baby!)

Soooo…

Screening Sites

In addition to the identity verification system I outlined in Part 1, I do, like many other providers, accept provider references and use P411 as part of my screening process, but I no longer accept Date-Check.

escort screening site preferred411 P411
P411 logo: Kinda looks like a logo for some kind of feminine hygiene product, doesn’t it?

P411 (or Preferred 411, if you want to be fancy and call it by its full name) is a site where clients network with providers. Basically, providers vouch for clients.

This is how it works: A provider meets with a client, and then she reports back to the site regarding whether the client is safe to meet with or not. If she feels that he was a gentleman, she will indicate that. This is called an “Okay.” If she felt that her safety was jeopardized by meeting with him, she will report him. The next time he decides to meet with a provider, she can check the “Okays” he has been given, and then contact those providers for further details. Using this system, providers can quickly and easily vet potential clients based on how other providers felt after sessions with him.

date check is terrible
Date-Check.com: Really, Date-Check? Neon yellow and fire-engine red print on a bright purple background? My eyes, my eyes!! It burns!!!!

Date-Check is similar, just uglier and clunkier. Seriously, it looks like they jumped into a time machine, traveled back to 1998, and asked a 7-year-old with a drug problem to design that website. It’s a mess. Also, the admins/owners of that site are…not the brightest of the bunch. For example, at the moment they have me listed as “retired.” Why? Because I had the gall to tell them that, if they were going require me to pay them for access to their site (a site whose main revenue comes from the traffic and paid subscriptions of clients who are searching for escorts), then they needed to pay me for access to my photos and content. You see, they elected to keep my photos, content, contact info on their site after notifying me that my account was no longer free. I’m not OK with a company using my material to pull traffic to their site and giving me nothing in return, so I asked them to restore my account or remove my profile. Somehow, they understood that as, “I’m quitting the business.” Um, no.

There are several other websites similar to these. Different sites are more popular in different locations. For example, Room Service 2000 (RoomService2000.com) is popular in Chicago. P411 is probably the most widely used in New Orleans.

Provider References

I do ask for references from clients (click here for a detailed explanation of how that works). No, this doesn’t mean I want to hear from your thesis director or your boss. This means I would like to personally contact (through email or phone) two or three providers you’ve met with. I’ll talk to that provider, and I’ll ask her a few questions that will (hopefully) let me know I will be safe and comfortable in the client’s presence, and that we will be compatible.

TER Whitelist – The Erotic Review Client Whitelist

Continue reading “My Screening Practices Explained, Part 2: P411, Date-Check, TER, and References”

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My Screening Practices Explained – Part 1: Just Google Me, Baby!

**This is Part 1 of a three-part series explaining some of the most common screening methods escorts, providers, and other adult entertainers use to ensure safety and discretion with clients.**

I didn’t want to have to do this, but…


I’m often contacted by potential clients who seem to be a bit perplexed by my screening practices. I know that they may seem odd to some, but as I’ve said elsewhere, this is a necessary process. Now, you’ve probably either already noticed–or have been directed to–my list of accepted screening methods on my FAQ page and my Booking Page. But just to reiterate, here it is again:

Screening


Screening is required for all new friends. I accept the following methods of verification (choose one):

  • -2 provider references (links to her ad or site, and email), OR
  • -Employment Verification: Your full (real) name, the name of your employer, and your company email or direct phone number, OR
  • -If you’re on P411, you may contact me through my P411 profile.
  • -I accept Date-Check as part of my screening process.


Most clients who are sincerely interested in meeting with me understand that, by employing these methods, I am both ensuring my safety and prioritizing discretion, and they are therefore happy to supply this information.

However…


Lately I’ve gotten a number of emails from clients who tell me to simply Google their names. I’ve typed up several polite, well-thought-out explanations as to why this is not an acceptable substitute for my screening process, some of which were met with understanding and acquiescence, others of which were never answered. So, I’ve come to the conclusion that I’ve left my reasoning ambiguous, and I might better serve my clients by explaining what may seem to be an arbitrary list of requirements here.

“Here’s my name. Just Google me, Baby!”


The suggestion, “Just Google me” may seem logical to a client. After all, he may Google his name and find out even more than he’d like me to know, and therefore believe that the info on Google is more than sufficient.

But it’s not. First off, remember that I’ve got a couple Master’s degrees under my belt, so I’m well-versed in research methods, and if Google covered all aspects of client-screening, trust me, I’d be teaching classes on it.

Yes, I can find out a lot about a person just by using Google (probably more than most people realize). The problem arises when I need to verify that I am actually speaking with the person I’m Googling.

Here’s an example of a typical email exchange with a “Just Google me!” client:

  • To: Annie@NOLAcourtesan.com
    From: BobRoss1965@gmail.com
    Subject: Appointment with you tonight
    Message:

    Hey Annie,

    My name is Bob Ross. You may have heard of me. I’m a painter, and I used to have my own TV show. Remember “happy little trees?” Yeah, I started that whole thing. Anyway, I want to meet with you tonight. I know it’s short notice, but I’m sure you can accommodate a slick guy like me.

    Talk to you soon,

    Bob Ross the TV Painter

    • ——————————————————-

  • To: BobRoss1965@gmail.com
    From: Annie@NOLAcourtesan@gmail.com
    Subject: RE: Appointment with you tonight
    Message:

    Hi Bob,

    Thanks for contacting me. While I’d love to meet with you, I have not yet received your screening information, and I’m afraid I can’t schedule an appointment with you until I do. Please review the accepted screening methods I’ve outlined on my Booking page.

    Thanks again,

    Annie

    • ——————————————————-

  • To: Annie@NOLAcourtesan.com
    From: BobRoss1965@gmail.com
    Subject: RE:RE: Appointment with you tonight
    Message:

    Annie,

    I did see that list of screening methods, but like I told you, I’m Bob Ross, and all you have to do is Google me. There’s tons of info about me on the internet. I’m a very important person.

    Bob Ross, the TV Painter

    • ——————————————————-

  • To: BobRoss1965@gmail.com
    From: Annie@NOLAcourtesan@gmail.com
    Subject: RE:RE:RE: Appointment with you tonight
    Message:

    Hi again, Bob.

    I did in fact Google your name. Despite the fact that I do indeed see a lot of information related to Bob Ross, I can’t be sure you are actually him until I’m able to use an email or phone that is traceable to you.

    What I need is an email address that is associated with you publicly and professionally. For instance, if you work for PBS, and the PBS website lists Bob Ross’s email address as BobRoss@PBS.org, that will work perfectly. You can either shoot me a quick email from that account, or I can contact you through that address and you can reply that you’ve received that message. Then, I’ll know that you are really Bob Ross, the TV Painter.

    Alternatively, you can supply a phone number that is traceable to you. Let’s use the PBS example. PBS lists Bob Ross’s office contact number as (504)555-5555. I can call that number and ask to speak to Bob Ross, and all you have to say is “Yes Annie, it’s me,” and I’ll know I’ve been emailing back and forth with the right guy. However, if you only supply me with a phone number for a prepaid phone, or a number that, when Googled, is not attached to your name or business, that doesn’t really help me.

    And if neither of those methods works for you, you can also provide references (names and contact info or websites) from two established professional companions/providers/escorts you’ve met with in the past. I’ll contact them to make sure you’re safe and a gentleman. When they respond positively, I’ll get back to you and we can set up an appointment.

    Thanks for understanding, Bob! Hope to hear from you soon.

    Annie

In this hypothetical, I’m betting Bob doesn’t respond, lol.

I hope this clarifies things. If not, maybe I can show you what I mean with a little example. Let’s pretend this is the first time we’ve encountered one another. Here’s what I’ll say to you:

My name is Julia Roberts. You may have heard of me. I’m an actress–a pretty famous one. Go ahead and Google me; you’ll see lots of information about me and what I do. Now you should feel 100% confident that I’m Julia Roberts, the famous actress who is not dangerous or creepy.

Signed,

Absolutely, Positively, Without-a-Doubt, the Real Julia Roberts®

Now you can be 100% confident you’ll be meeting with Julia Roberts, right? ;)

OK so that’s a pretty ridiculous example, but the truth is, you’d be surprised how often random weirdos on the internet have contacted me claiming to be high-profile local businessmen or surgeons or whathaveyou. You might seem like a reasonable, respectful guy, but I can never be too careful with my safety.

Thanks so much in advance for understanding!

**

By the way:


If you do choose the professional email address route, and you’re concerned about my email address raising a red flag with your employer, I’ve got a solution. When I use this method, I use a separate, unassuming email address (the word “courtesan” is absent, so this email address doesn’t sound sexy.)

Here’s a copy of the email I send:

Please respond to this message for verification purposes.
If you are not the person who requested this message, please reply to this message with the word ‘Remove,’ or simply disregard.

Thank you,

AC


But Wait, There’s More!


My Screening Practices Explained, Part 2: P411, Date-Check, and References


and

Scheduling a Date with an Escort – On Providing References