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New Provider / Client Screening Tool: TrustedFling

Update: As of 2/19/17, I don’t know what’s going on with this site. I know the name of the site has been changed to “bluejello.co”, but I’m not sure why. Check it out, but don’t judge me if you find it lacking; I wrote this review/recommendation when it was in its nascency.

Sometimes I tend to ramble, so here’s the short version: TrustedFling (now bluejello.co) is a new client screening site for escorts, and a new, simpler way for clients to screen out unsafe/unsavory providers without reviews.

I really like the idea behind this site, and I’d love to see it take off. Consider this your official invite:

Keep reading for details ;)

So, you’ve all heard me extol the non-virtues of the current system of escort reviews.

And of course you know that, for my safety and peace of mind, I require screening of all new clients, and I encourage other providers to screen thoroughly as well. I accept P411 as part of my screening process, and I think it’s an excellent tool when it’s used as it was intended to be. Preferred411 is perhaps the most popular screening site around, at least for my neck of the woods. But that’s not saying much because there are only two that are really used around here: Preferred411 and Date-Check. And some of you might have heard me express my frustration with Date-Check.

Recently I stumbled upon a new site, TrustedFling, and though it’s just starting out, I think it’s on the right track and has a lot of potential. Let me explain:

As I said in this post:

I have no problem with clients letting each other know that I’m safe and reputable (and sexy and awesome). But my client lamented the fact that most of the sites for escort reviews won’t allow non-explicit reviews. If you don’t include graphic details and descriptions in your review of a provider, they won’t publish it on the site. So basically, it’s: “Either write erotic nonfiction about your time with Annie, or don’t write about her at all.”

I went on to explain that there are lots of girls who don’t want clients to post explicit reviews of their time together, and there are a lot of clients who don’t want to take the time and energy out to write reviews. However, everyone wants to be safe, and no one wants to be cheated. That’s why escorts prefer to meet with clients who have been vetted, and clients prefer to meet with escorts for whom other guys can vouch. But:

when you add the number of escorts that don’t want explicit reviews on the internet (which effectively excludes them from the review system altogether) to the number of guys who don’t want to write porn in their spare time (or porn-tastic descriptions of intimate time spent with a lovely, intelligent, entertaining, funny, enchanting vixen-for-hire ::wink wink::), you get a pretty big number of reviews that aren’t being written. Reviews that could be providing relevant information to hesitant clients.

Then I suggested a few yes/no questions that a client could answer about the escort he’s met with–questions that would simply reassure other interested gents that yes, this girl is legit, safe, and recommended. It would take maybe 30 seconds to fill out, and there would be no graphic descriptions of specifics involved. Great idea, no?

Of course this wouldn’t replace the current review system; it would simply supplement it. Anyone who enjoys writing or reading reviews would still be able to do that on the sites we already have available (ECCIE, TER, etc.). But this would be another option–one that review writers and readers could use in addition to the current system, and that those who aren’t fans of reviews could use instead.

And that’s where TrustedFling comes in. It’s the first site I’ve seen that resembles what I’m talking about.

How it Works

Well, to be honest, it’s still a little clunky. I found a description, but for some reason I can’t link to it (the link leads to the wrong place on the page), so I’ll have to copy/paste:

The Safety Reference System: Safety References are positive or negative references given by providers to clients and clients to providers. A Positive Reference indicates that the refer-er considers the refer-ee to be a safe person who is not a danger to the community. A Negative Reference indicates the opposite. You can view or give references by clicking the blue “View” or “Rate” buttons on a user’s profile page.

When you receive a positive reference from another user, it only becomes visible and active after you return a reference (positive or negative) back to the sender. The website will send you a private message reminding you to check your safety references and return any that are pending a reply, and you will see any pending references highlighted in your own safety reference screen. The same applies to a positive reference that you send to another user – your reference will not be visible on their profile until they send you a reference in return. Negative references work differently – they are visible immediately in the recipient’s safety list, to protect the community from harmful people.

It seems pretty cool, and even though it’s still in its nascent stages, I decided to give it a try. Unfortunately, it won’t take off until it reaches a critical mass of providers and clients using it, so we’ll see how it goes. I do know that the owner of the site seems pretty cool, and is open to suggestions. He’s also offering free $50 Amazon Gift Cards just for referring people to the site. So, if you’ll excuse me, I’m gonna go get one of those…

Oh! And providers of all genders are welcome, as are providers of services other than escorting (BDSM, Sensual Massage, etc.).

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Who, What, When, Where? – Scheduling a Date

Hey all,

I know that arranging a meeting can be a daunting task. It really does help simplify things if, when you contact me, you provide:

  • Your name
  • Screening info (see here)
  • The date and time you’d like to meet (and a couple alternatives if possible)
  • The number of hours you’d like to schedule
  • The location you’d like to meet

If you do this, you are pretty much guaranteed to receive an email from me within a day letting you know that I’ve scheduled your appointment and reserved that time for you.

If we have to go back and forth several times before we have everything squared away, your email is likely to get lost in the steady stream of emails I receive daily. You KNOW I require screening, but here’s another thing you might not know: If you’re contacting me in advance, then yes, I will be available. If I get an email inquiry without screening info, or without a real date/time, etc., my response will be to reply to your email asking for that information, because I cannot schedule an appointment until I have it. I will then promptly forget about your incomplete request while I proceed to work my way through the zillion other emails I have in my inbox.

The problem is, I may not remember to check to see if you’ve responded tomorrow.

So, let’s be efficient. Tell me exactly what you want, right off. Give me the info I need, and I will reserve that night for YOU. It’ll be done, and neither of us will have to stress about hammering out the details. And then we can look forward to the time we’ll have together ;)

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Can a Client Have “Too Many” P411 “Okays”? – Client Questions

A Question of P411 “Okays”
Preferred411.com P411 Screenshot Client Okays
So, how many *is* “too many”?
(Screenshot of P411 Escort member’s view of a Client member’s profile)

Continued from the previous post, in which a client asked for advice on a few topics.  I’ve chosen to break them up into separate entries.  In this one, I’ll address a question regarding a client’s number of P411 “Okays.” P411 “Okays” are stamps of approval on the screening website Preferrred411 (commonly referred to as “P411”) by escorts with whom a client has met.

Also, can someone have too many “okays” on P411?

My Answer:

You know, that’s another good question. Ugh, and it’s complicated, too.

Honestly, I’ve had guys with a few hundred P411 Okays contact me, and I will admit that, yes, it did give me pause.

But really, let’s look at this a little more closely: yes, that means the client has met with quite a few escorts. But If I made a decision not to see him based on that fact, I’d be succumbing to the culturally-conditioned whorephobia that I’m so adamantly against. Why does it matter if he generously compensated his last 200 sexual partners for their time? Would it be better if he had met the last 200 girls he slept with in a bar? And, theoretically, if he has 200 Okays on P411, these 200 girls are vouching for him and saying that he’s safe to meet with and won’t cause any trouble. Therefore he is arguably one of the people I should be least worried about. And I’m going to take the same precautions with him as I do with everyone because, ultimately, my safety and well-being is my responsibility.

The Verdict? The more the merrier, in my humble (but sex-positive) opinion.

So no, I don’t think that someone can have “too many” Okays on P411. But I’m not everyone. There may be girls out there who will be turned off by “too many” P411 Okays, but I’m willing to bet this is a knee-jerk response to what society tells us about this business, sex workers, and the clients who pay for their services. You can’t really blame those girls. The idea that sex workers are dirty whores and clients are (only slightly less) dirty whoremongers is deeply ingrained in our culture, and it’s something that even we (sex workers) are vulnerable to sometimes. Either way, “too many” is relative, so I wouldn’t put too much mental energy into worrying about that. My advice is to get an OK from every P411 girl you see. (I *have* heard girls say they don’t like to meet with guys who have no *recent* OKs. I guess they figure that their account might have been taken over by someone else? I’m not sure what their reasoning is.)

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Escort Screening: No Digital Breadcrumbs? Client Advice

Hey all!  Happy New Year!  Hope 2015 is treating y’all well.  It’s brought some huge changes for little ol’ me.  Some of you know what I’m talking about; some of you don’t.  Don’t worry, I’m fine and nothing terrible has happened.  It’s ultimately a good (actually, awesome and amazing) thing, but it’s going to be to be an exciting, hectic, difficult, and scary few months…wish me luck?

Anyway, let’s get to the topic at hand.  I was going through my email inbox (which I’m pitifully behind on, by the way…sorry, y’all), and I discovered a message I hadn’t previously noticed.  I feel pretty bad for answering it so late, but better late than never, right?

…You know, I should really do an advice column.  I get so many emails from curious readers, and I genuinely do enjoy answering them (when I have the time).  Maybe that should be one of my new projects for 2015?

Here’s the email (sensitive details removed):

I’ve just read your three part blog series concerning the various reference methods you employ for clients. Very informative and helpful I might add. My situation is a bit unique and I wanted to get your take for my best course of action.

Specifically, I’m a newbie with no references to speak of. I am also (**insert profession or organization here**) holding an extremely sensitive position. With that being said, I am very hesitant about providing anything work related, to even include my email address […] Same goes for the data verification websites, as from what I gather, require the same work related information.  

So therein lies my quandary; how do I prove that I’m a respectable and trustworthy person, while at the same time protect my work identity? Is there a way to do so without providing work information, or providing it, but without a digital breadcrumb trail? Or am I screwed in the sense that I will never be able to enjoy the company of a professional companion due to my unique circumstances? Just wanted to get your perspective and recommendation on this, as I know you’re very experienced and knowledgeable in this area. 

Lastly, I want to close by saying that I completely understand the thoroughness of the verification process. To be honest with you, when searching for my first potential provider, I avoid those who don’t utilize such a process.

I’m fully aware you’re a very busy woman but any recommendation no matter how long or short would very much be appreciated. 

Thanks,

-John

Well then, “John,” here’s my answer:

First of all, I’m glad to hear that, in your search for a professional companion, you’re considering her screening requirements a requirement of your own.  That’s smart.  And I can’t really vouch for what the screening sites (like P411, or the ever-terrible and most certainly NOT recommended Date-Check) require, as I’ve never been a client applying for membership to those sites. But to answer your question…

Honestly, your situation is gonna be difficult.  It will require extra effort and/or money on your part.

Here are the options I can think of (and that I’ve used in the past):

  1. You could offer to meet the lady in a public place for an in-person screening.  This would require you both to show up at a public place (think coffee shop, bookstore, etc.), and for you to bring your ID and enough cash to cover her hourly rate (in a gift bag or a birthday card–you’ll be in public, so don’t just had her a wad of bills, obviously).  Sit down for a bit, talk with her, and show her your ID.  She can look at your ID, look at you, and verify that it’s legit. Then, you can part ways, and she can go home and do her research to make sure you’re not some kind of crazy predator.  She can then contact you and schedule a date.

    This method sounds extreme, I know. But you have to account for the fact that it’s rather extreme to expect a woman to meet alone with a man she knows literally nothing about–a man who refuses to provide her with any identifying information about himself. Honestly, when a man refuses to tell me who he is, but he wants me to meet with him alone, I think “What’s he trying to hide?”

    Perhaps there are girls who, upon meeting up with you, would feel comfortable enough to proceed with a date immediately (before returning home to research you and verify that you’re not a predator), but you shouldn’t go into the meeting expecting that.

    I used this method once with a client who was involved in politics.  It worked well for us.

  2. You could go to the source: ask the lady you’re interested in meeting with what you can do to make her comfortable meeting with you. You don’t have to agree to whatever she suggests, of course. But you should listen respectfully before you accept or decline her offer. Remember that the objective here is for her to ensure her own safety. After all, if she feels she’s wandered into a potentially dangerous situation, the date won’t be enjoyable for either of you.

  3. Set up a fake email account and “persona.”  Join a message board like TER or ECCIE.  Start contacting providers that way.  There may be a provider on there who is (unfortunately) lax about screening.  See her.  Be nice, be generous, have fun.  Hope that her recommendation carries weight with other providers.  Hope that, when you use her as a reference and another provider contacts her to make sure you’re cool, she actually responds in a timely manner with a message that says “yes, John’s a safe, fun, great guy.”  Hope that the girl trusts her and meets with you.  See her.  Be nice, be generous, have fun.  Lather, rinse, repeat.  

    Build up a list of references that way.

    There are problems with this option.

    First, you’ll have to set up a profile on a “hobby board.”  If you’re afraid of leaving evidence of your newfound entertainment options/leisure activities, this is pretty much the worst thing a snooping partner/boss/child could find.  Seriously.  Some of the people on those boards are pretty vile, and no one’s beating around the bush (pun intended) as far as subject matter.

    Secondly, you should know that many, many girls do not see guys based solely on references.  The reference system requires us to trust each other.  We’re basically on the honor system, and we’re relying on each other to be honest, charitable, and timely.

    That sounds easy enough, but you have to understand that, if Suzie emails Nancy to ask if Dick is an OK guy, Nancy has to stop what she’s doing, figure out who Dick is, try to remember if he was cool or not, and then compose an email vouching for him.

    The only person who receives an immediate benefit from the exchange is Suzie, who, presumably, now feels safe enough to meet Dick for an hour and leave a few hundred bucks richer.  Yay, Suzie!  Yay, Dick!!

    But what about Nancy?

    Nancy has lost anywhere from 2 to 20 minutes of her time (depending on how good her memory is, whether she has a smartphone with internet access, how fast/accurate she can type, etc.).  And what has Nancy won?  A warm, fuzzy feeling in her heart, because she knows she helped another provider do two things: 1) make an informed decision, and 2) pay her rent.

    But not everyone is motivated by a sense of decency/ethics/responsibility/warm, fuzzy feelings.

    Some people are lazy.  They’ll say, “What’s in it for me?”  And they won’t bother answering.

    Some will say, “I sincerely don’t remember Dick, sorry.”

    And unfortunately, some will say, “Why is Dick trying to schedule a date with the competition?  I should call him and offer him a $50 discount to meet with me instead.”

    Still others will say, “Oh, I’d better answer that email…oh shit!  Darling Offspring, is that peanut butter?  Dammit, don’t paint the dog with peanut butter!”  And then she’ll spend the next hour cleaning peanut butter out of the hair, ears, and nose of both her child and her dog, and she’ll forget she ever read that email reference request.

    So, it’s an imperfect system.  Ideally, we all cooperate for the good of the group–an extended community of sex workers whose work can be quite dangerous (due to criminalization and cultural stigma) if we don’t work together to ensure each individual’s safety.  But the world is full of real people, not ideal cogs in an ideal machine.  And some real people are real assholes.

  4. There are ways to provide work info without a digital breadcrumb trail.  Here’s one of my favorites.

…And that’s all I can think of right now, but I hope it’s helpful…

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Wait, But Why? Escort Screening & Verification 101 for Newbies



I’ve written at length about the “how” of escort screening. Right now I’m going to write a little about the “why.”

(Preface: Sometimes I get carried away. If you’re in a rush, you don’t want to hear about my love of 3-legged dogs and my hatred of mayonnaise, and you just want to be reassured that we’re not performing weird witchcraft rituals with your info or selling it to spammers for .0000000001 cent, scroll on down. I assure you, I DO have a point…)



For the Newbies…

This one’s for all the newbies out there ;)

Continue reading “Wait, But Why? Escort Screening & Verification 101 for Newbies”

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My Screening Practices Explained, Part 3: Scheduling a Date with an Escort & Providing References

**This is Part 3 of a three-part series explaining some of the most common screening methods escorts, providers, and other adult entertainers use to ensure safety and discretion with clients.**


“Can I use you as a reference?”

So yesterday I received an email from a client I had an absolutely amazing time with a few weeks back. This gentleman was inquiring as to whether he could use me as a reference. For those of you who aren’t that familiar with how providers and clients meet each other safely, or how we know if we even want to meet each other (i.e., will we be compatible?), allow me to explain.

Providers use many, many methods of screening (I’ve written two pretty extensive blog posts on the screening methods I use: My Screening Practices Explained – Part 1 and Part 2 – P411, Date-Check, and References.). When you schedule a date with a provider (escort, personal/professional companion, FBSM/sensual massage provider, etc.), she may ask you (the hopeful client) for “references.” What she’s asking for is permission to contact providers you have met with previously (usually two or three of them).

Why do we ask for this? Well, here’s the thing: women talk. (So do men, of course, but I haven’t interacted with many male providers, unfortunately. I’d love hear their perspective on this, though.) And in this business, we look out for each other–or at least, those of us who are decent human beings do. So, before we meet with a client, we like to consult each other to make sure the guy is safe and respectful. And sometimes, just sometimes, we might get a few insider tips on what that client really enjoys. ;)

This isn’t very different from “real-life” dating. We all exist within social circles. In the past, whenever I’ve been “romantically” (or simply sexually) interested in someone, I’ve consulted with mutual friends to get the scoop on him/her. And boy, have I dodged some bullets. But my behind-the-scenes detective work (if you can call asking a friend “So, what’s the deal with so-and-so?” “detective work”) has also led to some truly amazing, satisfying romantic encounters, relationships, and friendships.

So, when I received the following email from this gentleman (copy/pasted, in part):
Continue reading “My Screening Practices Explained, Part 3: Scheduling a Date with an Escort & Providing References”

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My Screening Practices Explained, Part 2: P411, Date-Check, TER, and References

 

**This is Part 2 of a three-part series explaining some of the most common screening methods escorts, providers, and other adult entertainers use to ensure safety and discretion with clients.**

 

(continued from My Screening Practices Explained, Part 1: Just Google Me, Baby!)

Soooo…

Screening Sites

In addition to the identity verification system I outlined in Part 1, I do, like many other providers, accept provider references and use P411 as part of my screening process, but I no longer accept Date-Check.

escort screening site preferred411 P411
P411 logo: Kinda looks like a logo for some kind of feminine hygiene product, doesn’t it?

P411 (or Preferred 411, if you want to be fancy and call it by its full name) is a site where clients network with providers. Basically, providers vouch for clients.

This is how it works: A provider meets with a client, and then she reports back to the site regarding whether the client is safe to meet with or not. If she feels that he was a gentleman, she will indicate that. This is called an “Okay.” If she felt that her safety was jeopardized by meeting with him, she will report him. The next time he decides to meet with a provider, she can check the “Okays” he has been given, and then contact those providers for further details. Using this system, providers can quickly and easily vet potential clients based on how other providers felt after sessions with him.

date check is terrible
Date-Check.com: Really, Date-Check? Neon yellow and fire-engine red print on a bright purple background? My eyes, my eyes!! It burns!!!!

Date-Check is similar, just uglier and clunkier. Seriously, it looks like they jumped into a time machine, traveled back to 1998, and asked a 7-year-old with a drug problem to design that website. It’s a mess. Also, the admins/owners of that site are…not the brightest of the bunch. For example, at the moment they have me listed as “retired.” Why? Because I had the gall to tell them that, if they were going require me to pay them for access to their site (a site whose main revenue comes from the traffic and paid subscriptions of clients who are searching for escorts), then they needed to pay me for access to my photos and content. You see, they elected to keep my photos, content, contact info on their site after notifying me that my account was no longer free. I’m not OK with a company using my material to pull traffic to their site and giving me nothing in return, so I asked them to restore my account or remove my profile. Somehow, they understood that as, “I’m quitting the business.” Um, no.

There are several other websites similar to these. Different sites are more popular in different locations. For example, Room Service 2000 (RoomService2000.com) is popular in Chicago. P411 is probably the most widely used in New Orleans.

Provider References

I do ask for references from clients (click here for a detailed explanation of how that works). No, this doesn’t mean I want to hear from your thesis director or your boss. This means I would like to personally contact (through email or phone) two or three providers you’ve met with. I’ll talk to that provider, and I’ll ask her a few questions that will (hopefully) let me know I will be safe and comfortable in the client’s presence, and that we will be compatible.

TER Whitelist – The Erotic Review Client Whitelist

Continue reading “My Screening Practices Explained, Part 2: P411, Date-Check, TER, and References”