Ask Annie: Escorts for Threesomes with Couples – Advice for Newbies

Hey all! Thanks so much for continuing to send questions! I’m trying to answer them in the order in which I received them, but I do tend to forget about things that I’ve had on the back burner for awhile (which is why I keep a fire extinguisher next to my stove). So, if you’ve sent me a question and I haven’t gotten to it yet, give me a nudge. Mention it in the comments below, or email me! And now, for a question about newbie couples in search of an escort for a threesome.

Hi Annie, I love your blog. I was wondering what your opinion is on newbie couples. Do you think it would be advisable for the woman to have a little alone time first, to feel things out. Or do you think the couple should just jump in together and enjoy the experience together from the start? Thank you in advance for your response.


First, glad you like my blog! I aim to not only show a little of my personality, but to help educate clients (newbies and experienced clients alike) and up-and-coming (heh) escorts about this lifestyle/biz so that they can make informed decisions in order to have the best and safest experience possible.

As for my opinion on newbie couples: I love them! I love helping couples explore their sexual fantasies in healthy, honest, safe ways. Being invited to be intimate with a couple, as long as both partners are informed and eager, is something I find highly erotic. I am honored to help both individuals explore their sexuality, their adventurousness, their fantasies, and the special bond they share–which will hopefully be even more sexually charged after I’ve left. I love knowing that the excitement continues long after I’m gone–or so I’ve been told by couples I’ve seen in the past.

And I think that’s the case because I prioritize pre-date communication and planning. Anytime a couple adds a third party to the mix, it’s a delicate situation, and I understand and respect that. That’s why I think it’s important to discuss expectations and boundaries beforehand.

Threesome with an Escort: Couple with female escort
A couple in NOLA sees me pretty regularly. They are awesome. They’re 100% clear on boundaries and expectations–they even send me stick figure drawings of what they’re looking forward to beforehand, LOL


When I’m meeting with a client solo, expectations are generally pretty clear and straightforward, so it’s usually not mandatory that we discuss them beforehand (and especially not before we’re face-to-face: please don’t discuss these things via email or phone). But boundaries can be a bit…blurry. Any client who has met with me knows that I like to make sure I’m clear on boundaries. That’s why, before things get too hot and heavy, I’ll ask about boundaries.

By “boundaries,” I mean “activities in which you 100% do NOT want to engage,” or “activities that will 100% turn you off if I initiate them.” Pretty straightforward. I like to be clear on this because, even though I value communication during sex, I don’t want a client to be in a situation where he feels uncomfortable or awkward in the moment; I’d like to avoid that situation if possible.

For pretty obvious reasons, this kind of clarity is especially important with couples.

First and foremost: Please don’t “surprise” your partner unless you’re SURE he/she will appreciate and enjoy the surprise! I’ve said this before and I’ll say it again (and you’d think it would be obvious), but it bears repeating. Please be 100% sure your partner wants this.

Pre-Escort Communication: Discuss Boundaries and Expectations With Your Significant Other

In order to provide a satisfying experience for the couple, I need to be really, really clear on what the two of you are comfortable with–and what you’re not. So, discuss these things beforehand, and discuss them in detail. Who can do what with whom? Can the escort kiss the wife/girlfriend? Can the boyfriend/husband penetrate the escort? Can the escort penetrate the wife with a strap-on? Can she penetrate the husband/boyfriend with a strap-on? Can she kiss the husband/boyfriend? I’m serious. Specifics. Details. Write ’em down, even.

A couple having a threesome with a female escort, illustrated with stick figures: a guy with a massive cock, and two girls waiting to blow him.
This is also the time to discuss any fantasies you have that you’d like to try out. If the two of you are interested enough in a threesome that you’ve started the process of setting up a date with an escort, then you’ve undoubtedly fantasized about a third at some point in the past. Specifically, what activities (in the context of a threesome) do you fantasize about? Come on, you know what I mean. What gets you off when you’re watching threesome porn and flying solo? What gets the two of you going when you’re watching threesome porn together? What kind of things do you imagine when you’re bored at work and feeling horny? Be honest. This is your opportunity to make those things happen.

Before a date with a Male/Female Couple: Private Chat With the Escort

If I’m meeting with a man and woman who are in a long term relationship (marriage, long-term boyfriend and girlfriend, etc.), I prefer to chat with the “better half” (the lovely lady!) privately via phone at some point before the appointment so that she and I can go over certain specifics about what should and should not happen during our time together. This helps to avoid any complications or dissatisfaction with our rendezvous, and it helps me get a good idea of how to please both partners.

In these conversations, we go over boundaries and expectations (which the two of you have discussed, right?), ideas, questions, things the two of you may or may not want to explore, etc. I want this to be a positive experience for everyone involved–one that will fulfill expectations without crossing any lines. And obviously it should be relaxed and fun, and that’s easier to accomplish if we’re all on the same page.

But a secondary purpose of these chats is for me to establish a camaraderie with her and to reassure her that we’re on the same team. I want to dispel any worries she has about my motives or my intentions. I am not after anyone’s man. I am not going to try to upstage you. I will NOT do anything with him that you’re not prepared for and enthusiastic about. You will NEVER feel “left out.” Because, honestly, you (the wife/girlfriend) are the most important person here, as far as I’m concerned (Sorry, guys. But you’ll thank me later when this experience isn’t a source of regret.)

So, to answer your question, Nick: I think it’s important that the escort and the “better half” have time to chat privately in advance–several days in advance, preferably.

I do not, however, think it’s especially helpful for the escort and the wife/girlfriend to meet privately in person. A lot of the success of this kind of meeting depends on not just sexual boundaries, but mental/social ones, too. Compartmentalization is key. The escort is someone you saw that night, for that predetermined amount of time, in that hotel room, in exchange for that specific amount of money. Your memory of her is confined to that time and place. She doesn’t exist in your life outside of that setting. This experience belongs to you and your partner, and you should enter (gawd, I have the sense of humor of a teenage boy) and exit that experience together. To me, meeting beforehand privately with the wife/girlfriend makes things too…I don’t know. It’s hard to explain. It just feels wrong. If I’m meeting with a couple, I want you to experience every bit of me (that you choose to experience) at the same time, together. Does that make sense? Maybe not…but it’s lunchtime and I’m hungry, so it’ll have to suffice for now, lol.

My rates for couples are listed here.

Ask Annie: Client of Escort Wants “Girlfriend” Not “Girlfriend Experience”

Twitter Poll - Client wants escort to be girlfriend

A reader sent a question in the other day dealing with the topic of the escort/client relationship and how to deal with any inconvenient “feelings” that may develop:

I just found your blog here and think it’s great. I’m not new and don’t easily open up to people. I’ve been seeing a provider about the same age as me very regularly for the past several months and feel like we have developed a special relationship. I would like to broach the subject of a relationship outside of her profession but don’t want to ruin a good thing and am a little scared of rejection. I’m not looking to try and “rescue” her or anything. She is a very competent woman and doesn’t need rescuing from anything. She truly enjoys her calling and I wouldn’t ask her to stop doing something she enjoys. I’ve thought about just not seeing her anymore to save myself some heartache down the road. I would appreciate your thoughts and perspective.

Reasonable but Torn

Dear Reasonable,

So, I know how I would answer this, but of course, I can’t speak for every escort,, nor are my clients represent all clients. So, naturally, I turned to the escorts of Twitter for advice.

As you probably know (but just in case you don’t), Twitter only allows you a limited number of characters per “tweet” (post). The same goes for Twitter polls. So, I had to present a significantly abridged version of the situation in order to get my point across in such a tight space. Here’s what I hope people understood:

Question: Escorts: If a client feels he has a “special connection” with an escort close in age to him, should he attempt to pursue a romantic (non-escort/client) relationship with her?

  • Yes. The client should ask her out.
  • No. I appreciate and enjoy my clients, but that would be inappropriate and I never, ever want a client to suggest a non-professional relationship.
  • If he believes the feeling is mutual, then he should wait for her to initiate a romantic relationship.
  • Something else (please explain).

117 ladies were up to the task. Here are the results:

Screenshot here, just in case.

Soooo that’s pretty much what I was expecting. Not a whole lot of us want our clients to pursue a non-professional relationship with us.

The Danger in Having a “Regular Escort”

I talked about this a little bit when a client wrote to me asking whether I thought it was better for clients to see a variety of providers or to stick with one “regular” escort (spoiler alert: it depends on the individual client’s needs and his reasons for going the “escort” route). That client was interested in the intimacy and connection that’s only possible when you’ve known someone for longer than a few minutes or hours, but he wasn’t interested in having an actual girlfriend–just the “Girlfriend Experience.” And, most importantly, he “(understood) the basis of the provider/client relationship.” In other words, he was committed to maintaining boundaries, respecting the relationship for what it was, and not trying to make it into something more.

As for him, well…I know him, and I know his situation, and I’m pretty sure he can be trusted not to deviate from those intentions. But anything’s possible, I guess, and that’s one of the risks of choosing the “regular escort” route instead of the “variety is the spice of blah blah blah” route. Feelings can develop. Endorphins, familiarity, sex, and oxytocin are funny things, and they can interfere with the plans we came up with back when we were thinking rationally.

A Question of Authenticity

This is a tough topic for me to discuss because these relationships are unique–every relationship is–and I don’t want to be misunderstood. I don’t know you, and I don’t know the escort you’ve been meeting with, but I’m willing to bet that the special connection you feel with her is real. The fact that these relationships involve financial compensation doesn’t make us unfeeling automatons (Automatonettes? Like a Motown girl-bot group?). Sure, there are probably some girls out there who can “fake it” pretty well, but you also mentioned that you’re a regular client of hers. Very few escorts are willing or able to maintain the illusion of a real, deep connection with someone regularly, continually, and indefinitely. It would just be too labor intensive. Either you like someone, or you don’t; either you get along and “connect,” or you don’t. If you’re only going to be in their presence for an hour and then never see them again, it’s not all that difficult to overlook a personality conflict and pretend it doesn’t exist. But if it’s someone you’re seeing regularly, without any plan to end contact? Not so much.

So, it’s a real connection. You like her, she likes you. It’s understandable that you might start considering making it “real”–less “GFE” and more “GF.”


And that’s why we need to be really, really clear on boundaries before we enter this little subculture, whether we’re entering as escorts or clients. A huge advantage to this type of relationship (perhaps the main advantage) is its lack of complexity. These relationships are clearly delineated and can therefore be (more) easily compartmentalized: Yes, I will be your lover, your partner, your friend–within the confines of the time we’ve agreed upon. After that we part, and you don’t have to think about, interact with, or acknowledge me. The time we spent together and the experiences we had are ours and ours alone, separate from the lives we lead on the “outside,” and therefore the intimacy we shared doesn’t pose any threat to or conflict with with your life, the people in it, and the responsibilities it entails.

And clients should respect those same boundaries for the escort(s) they meet with. She too has a life outside of the experiences she has with you–she has friends, family, responsibilities, hopes, desires, goals, problems, heartache, struggles. She may or may not have children, or a partner, or a “straight job.” Regardless, she (presumably) became an escort as a means of supporting herself, and hopefully she chose escorting because, out of the options available to her, this was the one that seemed most enjoyable and best fit her needs. Very, very few of us become escorts because we want to find someone to love. And when you offer that to her, you put her in an exceedingly awkward position of having to remind you of that.

Heartbreaking, I know. I’m sorry.

…But wait!!

If It Ain’t Broke, Don’t Fix It

So, this girl is fantastic, right? Your absolute dream woman–beautiful, sweet, affectionate, funny, always horny, and great in the sack. And the best part is, she actually *gets you* and LIKES YOU!

It sounds like you’ve got a great thing going. That’s something that not a lot of people get to enjoy, and here you are, luxuriating in that type of intimacy on the regular. So…why do you want change it?

You acknowledged this when you said you “didn’t want to ruin a good thing,” so I know it’s part of your conundrum, as is the fear of rejection you mentioned. But what if she doesn’t reject you? What if the two of you do become an item? Is that necessarily the “happier ever after” ending/beginning you imagine it to be?

The Difference Between “Girlfriend Experience” and Plain-Old “Girlfriend”

What you’re enjoying right now is probably not what you would have in a non-professional relationship. That’s not to say that this isn’t authentic–it is. But there’s a fundamental difference between “GFE” and “GF”: “As professionals (escorts, professional companions, service providers, whatever), we’re compensated not because we can do something a girlfriend could do, but because we can do something a girlfriend can’t. We provide an idealized Girlfriend Experience: the experience of having an AWESOME girlfriend who is horny and fun and interesting and respectful for the entire time you’re together. A real girlfriend can’t do that. Why? Because you’re around her for more than a few hours. No one can be awesome 24 hours a day. A real girlfriend lives with you (or spends lots of time around you) for days, weeks, months, years. You’ll have serious conflicts. You’ll have minor gripes. Grudges will be held. Disappointments will happen.”

Right now, you’re both on your best behavior, and you don’t have time to get bored, or for your flaws to get on each other’s nerves. So you leave the toilet seat up when you’re at her incall–no big deal; you’re a guy, and guys forget to do that sometimes. But once she’s your girlfriend, there may be hell to pay. Why can’t you just fucking put the toilet seat down?? We’ve been dating for five months and I crash here at least three nights a week and I am so. fucking. tired. of falling into ice-cold toilet water at 4am!!! This is like the TENTH time!! Dammit, John, you’re SO INCONSIDERATE!!!

Yes, it’s a cliche, but it’s a stand-in for all the mundane, boring, irritating conflicts that go on in an normal relationship. You’ll have to change habits to accommodate her (put the damn toilet seat down, don’t leave your underpants on her bedroom floor, quit picking your nose when you think she isn’t looking). And she’ll do things that will bother you as well (rolling her eyes when you ask if you can borrow her car, checking her phone while you’re talking to her, fucking men who aren’t you because it’s her job). And then there are the responsibilities and obligations that come with a relationship. When you share your life with someone in a partnership–or even if you’re just dating long-term-ish–you make room in your life for them. And that means shifting other things around or even letting some go. It means making more of an effort. Is it worth it? For the right person, sure. But it can still be a pain in the ass.

I don’t mean to imply that you don’t actually want what you think you want. I just want you to consider that the Sally you see for an hour or two at a time a couple times a month is not the *whole* Sally in all her complexities as a person. You’re seeing Sally, Curated. And no one can keep that up forever. She’s showing you her best traits and hiding her not-so-great ones until you’ve left. And she’s consciously shaping the relationship the two of you enjoy together: her goal is always to make you happy and satisfied. Were the two of you dating in the traditional sense, that would not always be her goal. Your needs and desires would cease to be more important than (or even as important as) hers, and she would expect much, much more from you.


The Richard Gere to her Julia Roberts? If it’s meant to be…

I’m not going to say it never happens, because it does. Boy, does it. Not for me, but I know several escorts who have dated their clients, with varying results.

Look, maybe she’s just as into you as you are into her, and she’s been fantasizing about a “traditional” romantic relationship with you–heavy on honesty and commitment, free of compensation. Maybe she’s in love and she’s a wreck right now trying to figure out what that means for her, her professional relationship with you, and her professional relationships with her other clients.*

But you can’t be sure. And even if you ARE sure, you still should respect the boundaries that are an integral part of the escort/client relationship. No, I do not think you should pursue a romantic relationship with her. If you truly, truly believe that she wants that with you, then let her make the first move. In other words, leave your balls in her court, heh.

*I know you said that you’re not looking to rescue her, that she enjoys being an escort, and that you wouldn’t ask her to stop working as an escort, but once a significant other is in the picture, that can throw even the happiest hookers for a loop. I know, I’ve been there.

Where Do We Go From Here?

So, what now? You like her a lot, and you want to be around her, but keeping mum about how you feel can be torture. Do you keep scheduling appointments with a girl you have feelings for? Is that fair to you? Is it fair to her? That’s for you to decide, but ultimately, one of the following will happen:

  • You’re going to continue seeing her, and pine for something more.
  • You’re going to recognize that this situation breaks the cardinal rule of the escort/client relationship, take a step back, and maybe start seeing other escorts instead.
  • You’re going to be honest about your feelings, she won’t feel the same way, and she will likely stop meeting with you.
  • She’ll admit she has feelings for you, and the two of you will try the whole relationship thing.

(I’ve listed them according to how likely I think they are to happen).

Whichever you choose, I wish you luck.

Because I don’t pretend to speak for all escorts, here’s what other ladies had to say on the topic:

Danielle Evans (@MeetDanielleE) isn’t opposed to dating an FBSM (Full Body Sensual Massage) client, but she draws the line at an escort client:

Zoe Valentine (@MsZoeValentine) also speaks from experience:

(Twitter abbreviations can be hard to decipher, so just in case you’re lost, “nrg” = energy)

Giselle McPherson (@VIPMcpherson) has seen it work, and she’s also seen it…not work:

And then Melody Memoirs (@MelodysMemoirs) brought up something we haven’t really focused on–the escort’s ability to balance the unique nature of her job and her relationship:

Good question.

Hey! I’d especially love to get other opinions on this topic, so please feel free to comment below (you can even do so anonymously, if you prefer).

Are You Experienced? Escorts as Teachers of Titillation, Clients as Students of Sensuality

This is a continuation of my responses to the long list of questions sent to me by a young newbie. Today, I’m going to answer three questions on the topic of sexual experience (or lack thereof), and the role of a sex worker meeting with a sexually inexperienced client.

  • Who makes the first move? I am a shy person in intimate matters. I have done the deed once, and that was when I was not sober. I barely remember it. To me that doesn’t really count as an experience. So how do I let an escort know about my level of expertise in general?
  • My whole goal in finding a companion is not just for my own enjoyment but rather as a learning experience for future non-companion partners. I want to learn what makes a woman tick, how to please them and give them the pleasure that I can get. How do I let a companion know that I want to learn the ins and outs of pleasing a woman in bed? You know, from beginning to end. I am weak in the “length” and physique department so I need some other things in the Arsenal until I fix the physique part lol.
  • Many guys look at companions as their brute right and for their pleasure. But, I literally want to enjoy and learn things on a woman that you could not learn without being in a relationship. Let me know if you think my views on this is achievable and realistic. I have been scouring the Internet but it’s mostly Alpha Males and they’re Triumphs. Your blog is something I have been looking for. A chance of getting info from not a client side but by the companion side.

These are all such fantastic questions, and I really hope this is indicative of a broader trend–as in, I really hope that more young men think like he does. He has no reason to put on airs for me, as I’ll never meet with him (he lives far, far away from New Orleans and doesn’t plan to visit), and plus, he let me know at the very beginning of that email that he was only asking for help, not seeking an appointment with me. I’m gonna be pretty sad when I run out of questions form this guy…

Are you Experienced?

Who makes the first move? I am a shy person in intimate matters.

Who Makes the First Move?

I touched on this for a minute in the “How to Tell if an Escort is an Undercover Cop” post. There are a lot of misconceptions regarding what to do to avoid arrest when meeting with an escort, and I know I’ve seen (worthless) advice flying around the internet about who should make the first move. I don’t really even remember what the advice was, which is fine, because it’s bullshit anyway. You’re not going to be able to use the “entrapment” defense, so don’t bother adhering to a bunch of weird rules about who should touch whom first, or who should get undressed first, or who should take your pants off or whatever (I swear I saw something that said you (the client) should wait for the escort to take your pants off because that means she’s not a cop…or something. LOL yeah, that’s bullshit).

Here’s what I said in that post:

At the beginning of your time together, as I explained in my last post, introduce yourself, be normal and nice, make conversation, and treat this as a normal date. The monetary gift should already be in place. If she likes you, things will progress. Yes, you can “make the moves” on her, as you might with anyone you’re on a date with, unless she has made it clear that she does not want you to. And an escort is not going to stick around if she doesn’t want you to. She will either leave, or she will ask you to leave. Hopefully you’ll be graceful about it and won’t just reach over and grab her boob and honk it or something totally ridiculous (though I think I would crack up if that happened). If you’re really feeling confused as to how to get the physical intimacy started, ask for a backrub. Or even better, ask to give her a backrub! If you’re not sure what to do next, let your hands wander a bit and ask, “Is this OK?” You’ll probably start to undress each other at this point. WTF, I’m actually turning myself on picturing this, LOL.

So, to answer your question, it doesn’t really matter who makes the first move. If you want to, go ahead. But, since you say that you’re “a shy person in intimate matters,” then that might not be an option for you quite yet. If you’re too nervous, then chit-chat for a while, and gradually scoot over to sit closer and closer to her until she makes a move. Or maybe just rest your hand on her thigh while the two of you are talking. Or, like I said, ask for a backrub (or to give her one).

I have done the deed once, and that was when I was not sober. I barely remember it. To me that doesn’t really count as an experience. So how do I let an escort know about my level of expertise in general?

How to Tell an Escort You’re Sexually Inexperienced

Are You (Sexually) Experienced? Sexually Inexperienced?
No, not that type of experience….
Look, different people see escorts for different reasons, and I think you’ll be happy to hear that A LOT of clients–especially the younger ones–don’t have a whole lot of notches on their bedposts. Several of my clients were virgins when we first met. I know you’ve “done the deed,” as you put it, but if you don’t remember it, then I can see why this is a really big deal for you. It’s like your first time, except this time you’ll be able to actually think straight (well, until things get going, and then maybe not so much, lol). This will be the first sexual experience you’ll remember!! And the best part is, you can be really open about that, and you can ask questions and seek guidance from someone who probably won’t pass judgment, whereas it might be difficult to admit your inexperience to someone in your social circle. That’s awesome, and I’m super excited for you.

So, the answer is: You don’t have to admit your inexperience at all if you don’t want to. So you’re not a sexpert. Big deal. Even if you’re completely awkward and clumsy in bed, you’re under no obligation to tell her why (and frankly, given your age, if she has two brain cells to rub together she’ll figure it out on her own).

But if you want to let her know that you’re a blank slate, I think that’s a terrific idea. It’ll be helpful to both her and you. She’ll be prepared for any awkwardness, and she’ll be able to guide you through the experience so that you can get the most out of it. So how do you say, “This is pretty much my first time with a girl because the only time I’ve done it, I was too drunk to remember”?

Easy: “This is pretty much my first time with a girl because the only time I’ve done it, I was too drunk to remember.”

It really is that simple. Just tell her what you told me. Or make something up. As long as it gets your point across (that she should expect some awkwardness and/or ignorance on your part), you’re ahead of the game.

The Escort as Coitus Coach

Lesson: How to Please a Woman in BedSo you want to learn from an escort so that you can be a better lover when you sleep with non-escorts. I think that is so, so, so smart, and I 100% support that. Depending on the type of person you are, you can do this from the very beginning of that first meeting, or you can get a couple sexperiences under your belt before starting on your training. You can ask her for guidance that first time (“I really don’t know what I’m doing, so can you help me out? I want to learn.”). Or, you can just enjoy the experience that first time, and once that’s out the way, then you can begin your studly studies. Either way: how do you explain to her that this is your motivation for meeting with her?

Easy: “I want this to be a learning experience for future non-companion partners. I want to learn what makes a woman tick, how to please them and give them the pleasure that I can get. I want to learn the ins and outs of pleasing a woman in bed? You know, from beginning to end. Can you help me with this?”

(Those are his words, by the way.)

Or: “I really want to learn how to please a woman in bed so that I’ll be better prepared when I get a girlfriend. Do you think you can teach me some things?”

Remember that, even though she can doubtless teach you a LOT of valuable lessons, probably the most important thing to remember when you want to please your partner is COMMUNICATION. Different women like different things, so watch and listen to see if she likes what you’re doing, and if you’re not sure, ask. You’ll get better and better at this the more practice you get and the more your confidence improves.

Pleasing a Woman When You’re Lesser-Endowed

I am weak in the “length” and physique department so I need some other things in the Arsenal until I fix the physique part lol.

Oh honey, that is music to my ears. Some of the best lovers I’ve had were a bit on the shorter and thinner side. I can’t speak for all women, but let’s just say that the vast majority of ladies love love love to be licked. Plenty of women can only come through cunnilingus. And it’s not all that easy to find a guy who can do it well–especially not a young one. And what makes them able to do it “well”? Listening to their partner and doing what she enjoys. Learn the principles of muff-diving and a few techniques, remember to listen to your partner, and you’ll likely be golden with any girl who decides you’re boyfriend material.

Not only that, but as long as you don’t fall in love with a size queen, you cock is likely absolutely fine. An especially large penis is NOT necessary (unless, like I said, you find a “size queen”). In fact, all things being equal, many, if not most, women would prefer a lover with an “average” size penis to one with an especially large one, as the larger ones can be uncomfortable or even painful, and sometimes they make certain positions impossible.

And of course, I have to trot out the old cliche: “It’s not the size of the boat, but the motion of the ocean.” It really is true. If you’re a passionate, attentive, generous lover, you’ll be A-OK.

Don’t Listen to Stupid Douchebags on the Internet

Many guys look at companions as their brute right and for their pleasure.

Those guys are gross, and I feel sorry for the women around them. It sounds like you know better than to listen to guys like that. You know that sex workers are people, and as people, we deserve respect and basic human decency.

But, I literally want to enjoy and learn things on a woman that you could not learn without being in a relationship. Let me know if you think my views on this is achievable and realistic.

I do, 100%. I’ve had clients like you. I actually had one email me not long ago to tell me that he’d found a girlfriend and they were doing the whole meeting-the-parents thing. So happy for him!!! Of course he could have done it without me, but I think I helped him with his confidence level, and confidence really is key.

I have been scouring the Internet but it’s mostly Alpha Males and they’re Triumphs.

I don’t know what a Triumph is, but I see you’ve found the delightful gentleman on the “Red Pill” subreddit and on (and by “delightful gentlemen,” I mean “scarily misogynistic Eliot Rodger-types and troglodytes”)

Your blog is something I have been looking for. A chance of getting info from not a client side but by the companion side.

Awww…ladies and gentlemen, isn’t he adorable??? :)

Why Do Some Escorts Prefer Older Men? – Client Questions

About a month ago, I received the following email:

Hello Annie,

I have a few questions about setting up a date for the first time and other info.The date is not with you but in general for other companions. I stumbled upon your blog and found it fascinating. I really love your writing style. I read all three of your verification parts. You have alot of info on your blog so I don’t know if you have talked about this info or not. I wanted to know as an absolute newbie how do I make a date with a companion either from Backpage to P411. From the blog I see you are busy and your time is valuable, however I am not looking for a synopsis but an in depth explanation. So let me clarify on my question.

  • First, I wanted to know the etiquette of talking to a companion on the phone.
  • How do introduce myself?

    What can I ask and what can’t I ask?

    How do I ask about making an appointment?

    How do I ask about the donation amount and how they want to receive it?

    How do I ask where to meet whether in call or out?

    How do I know if it is a cop on the other end?

    How do I ask for them to verify me as I have no references?

    (I have read your three verification posts and I had joined P411. I have had my employment verified and have a year subscription. I want to know how to bring it up and respond when they ask about my references.)

  • My next question is on etiquette with the same questions but on email or P411 appointment requests.
  • My third question is I live in [Anytown, USA] and majority ads are on Backpage with out any reviews how do I find out if they are legit or not?( Also any other places I should look for companions other than T.E.R, E.C.C.I.E, and the monkey one in my area.)
  • My fourth question is many of the companions are much older than I am but once they hear my age they want nothing to do with me. How do I get my foot through the door with my age. I am 20 Years old and a big guy. I know my age is young but I go to school and work for a living so I dont have time for relationships. Even though my weight has been a big factor in my dating scene. I still want to experience things while I try to lose my weight. Which is a long journey from now. I am very mature for my age. I am a well mannered person. I keep myself well groomed and clean as is physically possible. As a guy who ways 240lbs image and cleanliness means more than anything possible.
  • My fifth question is if I do finally hit gold. What is the etiquette on the date:
  • What should I wear?

    I haven’t shaved “down there” for a while, but what is the formality. Trim or bare?

    What do I say when I meet them?

    If it’s incall where and how do I place the money? Same for outcall?

    What do I talk about and don’t?

    How do I find out about what they can or don’t do without incriminating myself or sounding like an idiot?

    How do I know if they are a cop, is there certain things they say that a companion would never?

    Who makes the first move and I am a shy person in intimate matters. I have the deed once and that was when I was not sober. I barely remember it. To me that doesn’t really count as an experience. So how do I let them know about my level of expertise in general.

  • My whole goal in finding a companion is not just for my own enjoyment but rather a learning experience for future non companion partners. I want to learn what makes a woman tick. How to please them and give them the pleasure that I can get. How do I let a companion know that I want to learn the ins and outs of pleasing a woman in bed. You know from beginning to end. I am weak in the “length” and physique department so I need some other things in the Arsenal until I fix the physique part lol.
  • Many guys look at companions as their brute right and for their pleasure. But, I literally want to enjoy and learn things on a woman that you could not learn without being in a relationship. Let me know if you think my views on this is achievable and realistic. I have been scouring the Internet but it’s mostly Alpha Males and they’re Triumphs. Your blog is something I have been looking for. A chance of getting info from not a client side but by the companion side.

This is everything that my mind has been searching for on this subject but I have gotten no where. I know I wrote a shit ton lol. It would mean a lot if you helped me. If you need something in return let me know. I am hopeful of your response.

P.S. I know this email is fake. That is to make sure no one stumbles on this email message also please excuse any grammatically and punctuational errors as I have typed and formatted this on my phone. I’m not as good at writing as you are!

Thank You,
[Joe Shmoe]

My Response:

There are a lot of questions here! I’m finally sufficiently inspired to start my escort/client advice client. And fortunately, this one email has provided me with a ton of material. So I’ve chosen to break them up into a few blog entries. Here’s my response to the age-old “old-age” question. Here goes!

Q: Why do some escorts prefer older clients?

A: I suspect it’s because the provider has kids your age and either it seems weird, or she’s afraid you could be a friend of her kids. How awkward would it be if you met a wonderful girl a year or two from now and fell deeply, passionately in love (partially because you’re a fantastic, skilled, generous lover, thanks to all the practice you’ve had with a skilled escort), and when she brought you home to meet her amazing family, you and her mother immediately recognize each other because mom is the one who taught you all those techniques? A sudden and unintended Mrs. Robinson moment.

A Mrs. Robinson moment with you, your girlfriend, and her escort mother.
Sure, it’s sexy in the movie…at first.
This is why some escorts don’t see younger clients.

Yikes. So yeah, besides the absolutely horrifying (and yet…maybe kinda sexy? just a little? kidding, kidding) situation you’d be in, the escort (aka your future mother-in-law) would in quite a pickle herself. I know a lot of ladies with kids have very strict rules set in place so that their children aren’t negatively impacted by their choice of work.

As for ladies who are very young, well, it’s a small world. Perhaps she’s afraid to see very young clients because, since you’re in the same age group, the chances of you having mutual friends are significantly higher.

I know that I do *usually* shy away from very young guys, especially guys under 21, mostly because I’m worried about engaging in ANY adult activity with someone that young. If I arrived and they were drinking, for example, could I be charged with Contributing? And what if they’re actually only 17, but have a really good fake ID?!?! I would be pretty nervous. You seem really mature and like you have a good head on your shoulders though, so I’d probably be OK with meeting with you…

More to come!

More answers from this list of questions:

Open Rant to SexWork Prohibitionists Everywhere

OK, I normally don’t show this side of myself here on my blog, but I think it would be disingenuous not to right now, given the recent (August 11th) announcement by Amnesty International that they now officially support decriminalization of all forms of sex work worldwide.  They’ve been discussing this for a while now, much to the chagrin of prostitution prohibitionist groups and the celebrities they’ve convinced to support them (under the guise of the “anti trafficking” cause).

Sidenote:  the term “sex worker” refers to anyone who works in the sex industry:  escorts and courtesans, exotic dancers, cam performers, porn actors/actresses, full service providers, professional companions, pro-dommes, street workers, sensual massage providers, phone sex operators, etc.  The term does not apply to people in the business who do not provide the actual services (strip club managers, porn producers, escort agency owners/managers, etc.).


As a sex worker and an activist, I often run into prohibitionists who are absolutely married to the idea that no woman would ever choose to engage in full service sex work, and that any woman who does engage in it is being exploited by a man–be it her “pimp” or her “john” (yes, they use those words, even though those words aren’t really in widespread use among sex workers themselves).  They see sex work as inherently exploitative to women, and they see women as victims in need of rescue.  I refuse to call these people feminists–anyone who insists on infantilizing women and denying them agency is not a feminist.  Anyone who refuses to help women by working to secure labor rights for all workers is not a feminist.  Anyone who advocates police brutality against and confinement of poverty-stricken women so that they can be “reeducated” and “rehabilitated” into sweatshop workers is. not. a. fucking. feminist.

“But what about the men?”

“But wait,” you say.  “What about male sex workers?  Are they being exploited, too?  And for that matter, what about trans girls (‘TS’ in the biz, or ‘T-girls’)?”

I can answer that in one (sort-of) word:  LOL.

Prohibitionists prefer to ignore the fact that men are also sex workers.  It doesn’t fit their neat, clean predator/victim paradigm.  As for trans women, well…most anti-prostitution prohibitionists don’t consider them women at all.  I’m not sure they even know that trans guys exist.

In their world, there are three kinds of people:

  1. heterosexual, male-assigned-at-birth men
  2. basically asexual female-assigned-at-birth women
  3. “enlightened” prostitution prohibitionists, er, “anti-trafficking activists”

Oh yeah, and then there’s us.  By “us” I mean the people who support sex workers rights, and the rights of all adults to have consensual sex–to share our bodies in one of the most basic, personal, human ways available to us.  This is a basic human right that people of all stripes have been fighting for for years (even in the US, there are states that still have anti-sodomy laws on the books!), and anyone with any sense of logic and/or justice supports that right…except for when it comes to women and the exchange of money, because it’s just plain easier to see the fairer sex as weak, naive, innocent, and pure than to acknowledge that adult women are sexual beings with agency and ideas, desires, needs, and goals independent of men.

The “Pimp Lobby”

And you know what the prohibitionists call us? The “Pimp Lobby.” Because they refuse to believe that we are speaking our minds, or that female providers would actually–gasp!–defend the rights of adults to engage in consensual sex, regardless of the reason. They actually believe that we are “lobbyists” for “pimps.” They believe “pimps” control us sexually, financially, and ideologically. They believe that we are paid or coerced by men to pretend we have chosen this work. I’m not sure how they explain all the research (with sound methodology even!) that points to full decriminalization being the best approach, but I guess denial is a powerful thing. Powerful enough to convince prohibitionists to ignore evidence and soldier on with their mission to force a moralistic view that results in harm to real people.

…Or maybe they don’t really believe it.  Maybe that’s just their way of convincing people to ignore us. Maybe that’s their way of persuading the public to completely disregard what is said by the people actually doing this type of labor–the very people these prohibitionists spend time and energy ostensibly trying to “protect”–since we don’t, in fact, want or need what they say we do.  Pretty sinister.

So yes, you could say I’ve got a lot of pent-up anger for these people.  Especially since they refuse to listen to sex workers who speak out, and instead insist that our voices don’t count because we’re the privileged ones, the exceptions to the rule of poor imprisoned girls who are raped multiple times a day for their pimp’s profit.  Nevermind the illogical nature of this claim (Where are these millions of imprisoned girls?  Why are they never found?  And are there really that many men willing to pay to rape a woman?  As far as I know, the vast majority of rapists just rape–they’re not going to pay another man for something they can do for free.).

“I’m not a sex worker, but I played one in a movie once…”

Anyway, so on an article about all the Hollywood celebrities (some of whom played prostitutes in movies!  So, ya know, they know all about the reality of sex work) who signed an open letter penned by CATW International urging Amnesty International not to adopt any policy that supports the full decriminalization of the sex industry, one particularly stubborn person in the comments section posted a link to a document titled “Prostitution Statistics,” referring to it as “cold, hard facts” (good lord, please take a research methods course, stat):

(Update: As of December 2016, the University of Hawaii has removed that document from their website. It appears that happened sometime within the last year–I don’t want to flatter myself, but I kinda hope someone on their web admin team noticed the sudden uptick in links to that page, which appeared to be nothing more than some undergrad’s improperly-sourced, slapped-together assignment. Too bad they didn’t do that before it was cited as a legitimate source by various nonprofits all over the internet. Still, if you’re interested, here’s an archived copy of it via the Wayback Machine.)

I couldn’t help myself.  I went on a rant and couldn’t stop, and it became a rant to every and any of these people I’ve encountered or will encounter EVER.  And here it is:

Oh, honey…those are not “facts,” much less cold, hard ones.

I’m sorry, this is going to sound incredibly condescending, but what’s your education level? Because no one who knows a damn thing about research would post that link in an attempt to gain footing in an argument. That looks like an undergrad’s report on prostitution, sourced entirely from hooker rescue projects and modern “white slavery” hysteria. How the hell would they even come up with “Most prostitutes have been victimized, at some point in their lives, by sexual violence. More than 90% suffered childhood sexual abuse…” What? And really, why would that be the focus of anyone’s research? What would that accomplish? How would that help anyone? Sex workers don’t need to justify their reasons for engaging in consensual sex; their government needs to justify its reasons for criminalizing consensual sex between adults.

And this: “At least 2/3 of prostitutes began working in prostitution before the age of 16” has been thoroughly debunked. The origins of that (and other similar “stats” you’ll hear, like “The average age of entry into prostitution is between 12 and 14”) are hard to track down, but as far as we can tell, they originate from a survey done in the early 80s with a very small sample size of participants taken exclusively from a program that worked with minors who had exchanged money for sexual services. As in, everyone participating in the survey was under 18, because that’s who the program/facility was there to serve. And then they averaged those numbers, claimed they were representative of the experiences of sex workers in general, or someone else misunderstood them. So the highest possible age of entry would be 17. Of course the average would be low. They never asked any adult sex workers their age of entry. And the media, law enforcement, advocacy groups, and people like you have been running with that number for 30 fucking years.

What you don’t understand is that your view of sex workers shows a fundamental disrespect for women. When someone’s oppressed, you don’t help them by infantilizing them; you help them by arming them with rights, and by supporting them in their fight for those rights. You don’t want people to be exploited for their labor? You support them in their fight for labor rights, fair pay, legal protection, etc. I said it before, but maybe you didn’t catch it: no one gives a shit about all the human trafficking going on in agriculture, fishing, construction, and hotel housekeeping companies, but let’s say they did. You don’t want women slaving away, cleaning hundreds of toilets for 18 hours a day, while their boss holds their papers and their paychecks, all to pay some “debt” to a “job recruiter”? Let’s talk about immigration policy. Let’s talk about fair wages and labor laws. That’s what we’re talking about, after all: exploiting sex workers for their sexual labor. You don’t want women to have to have sex with men they don’t want to have sex with and then be forced to hand over their earnings to an abusive “pimp”? Fine. Decriminalize their work so that they don’t need “protection” (in the form of an abusive man who makes them work all day and takes their money) from police. And decriminalize their clients so they don’t need “protection” from, say, a man who can rest assured his victim won’t go to police to report him, and even if she did, she wouldn’t know his name, anyway. When your work and your clients aren’t criminalized, you can easily “screen” your clients before meeting with them—your client won’t be afraid to disclose identifying info because he’s not afraid of being arrested for meeting with you. You can also employ a bodyguard or driver without your client freaking out and thinking you’ve brought some dude there to kick his ass and rob him (because, when you and your client are not committing a criminal act, you can assume that both of you are law-abiding citizens, especially if you’ve screened him in advance), and without you AND said bodyguard/driver fearing that cops will mistake him for a “pimp.”

I understand you’re fighting what you think is the good fight. Apparently, at some point in your life, you joined up with some rescue project and did some “work” that seemed incredibly important and life-affirming to you at the time. I don’t want to take that away from you—for all I know, you helped some people. But if you care about justice in the world, you will continue to educate yourself about the issues you claim to care about, no matter how much it hurts to find out you’re wrong. Decrim is the safest thing for all of us. Not just me (or other women you dismiss as “too privileged” to know anything about the business we’ve worked in for years). For ALL of us.

There is no dichotomy of “happy hooker” and “sex slave forced to endure rape for someone else’s profit.” This topic is incredibly complex and nuanced. No, not everyone enjoys sex work. No, not everyone finds it empowering. No, not everyone would choose something else were it available (I wouldn’t). Yes, some of us were sexually abused as children (as were many teachers, lawyers, home makers, doctors, social workers, etc…). Yes, some of us started very young (though most of us start when we’re in our 30s or 40s). The point is that it doesn’t matter what our individual situations are, criminalization hurts ALL of us. And yes, that includes the Nordic model.

I get where you’re coming from, though. When I first started working, I heard about the Nordic model, and honestly, I thought it sounded pretty damn good. I hadn’t been working long enough to understand how the business really works, and I sure as hell hadn’t discovered the sex workers’ rights movement. I was still indoctrinated with the media images and the statistics gleaned from sloppy, often unethical research. I didn’t have a “pimp,” and I didn’t know anyone who did, but I still assumed that the vast majority of sex workers were being forced to fuck dozens of men a day while some evil bastard kept their money and beat them for fun. So yeah, the Nordic model sounded awesome. Put those evil, money-grubbing fuckers in jail!

While I didn’t have a “pimp,” when I first started escorting, I did have a “manager.” He was the guy who answered the phone and directed clients to one of the 10 or 15 girls at the agency. We set our own prices, and we spent as many hours as we wanted with each client. We sent him $100 for each client he referred to us. I didn’t even meet him in person until maybe 3 months after I started working for him, and by then I was already preparing to strike out on my own as an independent.

Did you catch the fact that my manager would have counted as one of those “evil, money-grubbing fuckers” I imagined getting their due via the Nordic Model? I didn’t. Did you catch that I was, if you go by the definition of the loudest voices in this conversation, a “trafficking victim”? I didn’t catch that, either. I would NEVER claim to be one, but by THEIR definition—one of the many absurd ways prostitution prohibitionists define “trafficked”—I was a trafficking victim. They count all third parties as traffickers. If you are a sex worker helping to support your unemployed/unemployable/just f-in broke partner, non-minor child, or other adult family member who lives with you, that person can be considered a trafficker. If you are a migrant worker who voluntarily crosses borders to work independently, you are counted as a trafficking victim.

Soon after that, I realized how wrong I was. But I admit I had a weird, visceral reaction to letting go of my “Jail the pimps!! Go after them!” position. I sort of wanted to cling to it. I don’t know why. Did I enjoy the boogeyman simplicity? Maybe. Or was I just trying to avoid the feeling of finding out I’d been had? I’m not sure. But I guess that’s what happens when you learn more about a subject, and you realize that the facts contradict what you’ve always thought to be true—what sources you’ve trusted have always told you was true.

And the longer I’ve been in the biz, and the longer I’ve been an activist for sex workers’ rights, the more I’ve learned. There’s tons of data. There’s a reason Amnesty International, the World Health Organization and the Global Alliance Against Traffic in Women support us. And honestly, if you were to work in this business, you’d understand that common sense supports us.

The truth is, this is a very, very old problem steeped in racism and xenophobia. In the 1910s they referred to it as White Slavery (see the Mann Act), and now it’s sex trafficking. Nevermind the fact that there are more than enough willing sex workers that there’s really no need to force women into it (I hate talking about supply and demand, because it’s so much more complex than that, but in the simplest of terms, the supply already meets the demand. Trust me, usually people are whining about how they aren’t getting enough business). And nevermind the fact that, even if supply didn’t meet demand, people don’t want to pay to have sex with someone who doesn’t want to have sex with them. Rapists don’t pay to rape people; rapists just rape. But we cling to this idea that there are zillions of women all over the world being kidnapped, drugged, and forced into prostitution while men profit. Why, even though the numbers (upon inspection, and not just taken at face value) show us that this isn’t true? Well, because a lot of people have a vested interest in keeping this moral panic alive. Follow the money: it usually leads to those pushing an agenda centered on female “purity,” or those who are directly profiting, i.e., the rescue industry (Hey there, Somaly Mam!).

Please, please just stop talking about this until you’ve taken the time to listen to sex workers all over the world (Even in Eastern Europe and SE Asia!). Because you know the way you feel about your perspective? Like it’s a desperate situation and you have to fight, fight, fight for those who are in danger, are suffering injustices, and have far less privilege than you do? Yeah, that’s how I feel, too. Except people listen to you, and I’m the one who will have to deal with the consequences. They hurt me, they hurt my friends, and they hurt people all over the world every day. You’ll be able to walk away thinking you accomplished something, score 1 for the good guys, etc., and you’ll never have to look back, and you’ll never have to fully comprehend the mess you’ve made. And you’ll leave us to clean up, and then you’ll wonder why we’re so fucking angry with you.

BTW, it may not please you to know that sex workers in poor, “developing” countries can and do organize for their rights, but it’s true! And look what they have to say about decrim! Listen to them!)

And here’s more on “supply” and “demand,” in case it interests you. Here’s one on myths about sex trafficking and sex work (mostly about the Olympics, the World Cup, the Superbowl, and other major sports events being huge attractions for sex traffickers, etc., but there’s a lot of other good stuff in there, too) I found pretty fascinating too when I first got started on my mission to kick ass and take names until hookers all over the world are free to hook safely.

And here’s a flippin’ awesome rant about the rescue industry and two of the biggest figures in it (Nikolas Kristoff and Somaly Mam).


And of course I got no response.  I never do.


Via Ava Grace in Brisbane:

And here’s a little bit of perfection from Ava St. Claire:

Check out my piece about foreplay on SimplySxy

A while back, SimplySxy contacted me and asked me to write a piece on foreplay for them. Since I was already procrastinating on writing like 5 other things AND I hadn’t completed anything on my To-Do list (which was filled with weeks-overdue tasks), I figured, “What the hell, this is the perfect time to to write about sex.” So, I did. Here’s a taste:

Good sex can include a multitude of various activities: cunnilingus, fellatio, fingering, mutual masturbation, anal play, kissing, massage, breast worship, etc. And those activities don’t always happen before intercourse. Haven’t you ever stopped to change positions from, say, doggystyle to missionary, and upon glimpsing a flash of pussy, decided that instead you’d like to go down for a bit? Let’s stop thinking of sex as something formulaic and instead appreciate the spontaneous nature of it.

That said, there are reasons that people often do “other things” before the initial penetration…

You can read the whole thing on SimplySxy here: Hot Foreplay Moves that Guys Love and Fantasize About (their title, not mine).

Wait, But Why? Escort Screening & Verification 101 for Newbies

I’ve written at length about the “how” of escort screening. Right now I’m going to write a little about the “why.”

(Preface: Sometimes I get carried away. If you’re in a rush, you don’t want to hear about my love of 3-legged dogs and my hatred of mayonnaise, and you just want to be reassured that we’re not performing weird witchcraft rituals with your info or selling it to spammers for .0000000001 cent, scroll on down. I assure you, I DO have a point…)

For the Newbies…

This one’s for all the newbies out there ;)

Continue reading “Wait, But Why? Escort Screening & Verification 101 for Newbies”

Love the Ones You’re With – Bra Sizes Meme, Improved

Today I saw this stupid post going around facebook:

Stupid meme about boobs and bra sizes
Stupid meme about boobs and bra sizes

Look, I know it’s supposed to be funny, but damn, the shit that passes for “funny” nowadays…ugh. Did you ACTUALLY laugh out loud at that?? I’m guessing not, because there’s nothing particularly witty or clever or comical about it. It’s just a list of cup sizes with corresponding unimaginative, mostly negative descriptors, and the “punchline” is a reference to a 25-year-old infomercial for a safety device marketed to disabled and/or geriatric individuals.

And, as of right now, it’s been “shared” 230,989 times. 230,989!!! That means 230,989 people thought this was funny enough to repost so that all their family and friends and coworkers and ex-boyfriends and ex-girlfriends, etc. could enjoy it. Wow.

But it’s kind of thought-provoking, too. None of the descriptors are really positive.

Stupid Bra Sizes Meme Exposed

  • The first two (“A – Almost boobs” and “B – barely boobs”) are decidedly negative.
  • The third (“C – can’t complain”) might as well just say “meh, they don’t make me puke.”
  • The next two (“D – dang” and “DD – double dang”) might be positive, and they’re probably meant to be read as a positive assessment of the bosoms in question. But it’s still not exactly praise–I mean, I said “dang” the last time I saw a knocked-down stoplight on Canal Street. I was impressed, sure, but not in the “Wow, that’s amazing, and I can’t wait to bury my face in it!!!” way that I would be upon seeing an attractive set of D or DD breasts (or, for that matter, an attractive set of breasts of any size), but in the “Whoa, that’s shocking, and I hope no one got hurt” way.
  • The next (“E – Enormous”) is neither positive nor negative.
  • Then comes the inevitably disparaging judgement (“F – fake”) of women who choose to surgically enhance their breasts in accordance with what society tells us we SHOULD look like (never forget: we’re damned if we do, damned if we don’t, ladies).
  • On the other hand, women with breasts just one size larger than F are encouraged to undergo major surgery with a significant recovery period (“G – get a reduction”).  What a demanding perfectionist this list-maker must be.
  • And last but not least, women with Hs are the “punchline” of the joke. Har de har har.

Who makes this stuff up, and who thinks it’s funny? People who hate boobs? Young boys who are angry that no woman in her right mind will let him see her boobs? Women who are…angry at their boobs for some reason?

But but but but….BOOBS ARE GREAT!!! Boobs are fun! Boobs of all sizes are a splendorous gift of wonder to those allowed the privilege of seeing/touching/enjoying them.

I get that it’s always hilarious to mock women’s bodies (this is sarcasm, ladies and gentlemen), but I personally think women’s bodies (mine especially!) make life a hell of a lot more pleasurable. Well, for women and their partners, anyway, heh. I suppose strictly-gay men aren’t all that thrilled by boobs, but who knows, maybe some of them occasionally get kinky like that.

So, I made up my own list:

Bra Sizes Meme, Improved

  • AA – Adorable & Adequate!
  • A – Alluring
  • B – Bodacious (tatas)
  • C – Captivating
  • D – Deluxe
  • DD – Double Deluxe
  • E – Exceptional
  • F – Fffffffffffffffffffffff…those are impressive
  • G – Gifted
  • H – Hallelujah

I’m gonna make a quick and dirty meme and see if even ONE person shares it.

If I could get 1/10th of the “shares” as that ridiculously unfunny original one did, I swear I would legally change my name to Boobie Boobzanne McBooberson-O’Boobs (I’m apparently of Irish/Scottish descent).

I love boobs - bra sizes meme improved = AA - Adorable & Adequate! A - Alluring B - Bodacious (tatas) C - Captivating D - Deluxe DD - Double Deluxe  E - Exceptional F - Fffffffffffffffffffffff...those are impressive G - Gifted H - Hallelujah
I love boobs – “Bra Sizes” meme improved

That said, bra sizes are so arbitrary anyway. Sometimes I’m a 34C, sometimes a 32C (once even a D!), etc. And guess what size this “bra” is??

Size Small. And I assure you, my boobs are not.

(OK so yes, I was wearing it as a tube top this summer, but it’s marketed as a “bra.”)

Pick up the pace, America.

The US is falling behind, y’all. And by “falling behind,” I mean “is stuck in the freakin’ Dark Ages.” I’m not talking about education, or healthcare, or poverty, or any of the usual suspects. I’m talking about the laws that affect sex workers.

Just the other day I learned that a reporter for the New York Times is doing a story on how sex workers in New Orleans have been affected by Louisiana laws. I immediately thought of the SCAN law (in which a sex worker could end up on the sex offender registry for life for merely offering to engage in any sexual act other than vaginal sex, which were considered “crimes against nature”) ruled unconstitutional a couple years back. That’s progress.

BUT…we’ve got a long, long way to go. For instance, this law would give police more freedom to “hassle” women who they suspect are soliciting. And what might cause police to “suspect” a woman might be soliciting? Basically, loitering…while being a woman…with other women around. Yes, that’s exactly what cops need–more license to “hassle,” intimidate, and threaten women.

And, unfortunately, I doubt it will stop here. In an effort to appear “tough on crime,” politicians will introduce more and more laws that go after easy targets–poor women in poor neighborhoods who find their clients in public, on the streets. It’s so difficult to work on violent crime. But it sure is easy to go after street hookers.

And what’s the intended result? I can only assume it’s an image thing. It sure as hell doesn’t really help anyone involved. I’m eager to read the New York Times article when it’s published, but I’ve got a pretty good idea how sex workers in New Orleans have been affected by Louisiana laws: I’m betting many, many lives have been shattered–clients’ lives included–all because, for some reason, consensual sex is only OK if one person isn’t helping the other person pay her rent. Unless they’re married. Or in a relationship. Hey…but doesn’t that make relationships…oh, nevermind.

Anyway, people talk a lot about legalization, but I find the regulation of sex between consenting adults fundamentally flawed. Therefore, I lean more toward decriminalization, or something close to it. But anything’s better than giving police the right to “hassle” women they think look like sex workers. And in most of the developed world, there IS something better. For example, in Australia, the laws vary across the states, with some states having a “legalize and regulate” approach, and some having something a bit closer to decriminalization, with certain stipulations. But there’s no blanket law that criminalizes people for consensual sex in exchange for gifts, money, car rides (yes, that’s in the bill that’s going to Jindal’s office), or what-have-you.

In some of the western states in Australia, sex work isn’t regulated, other than the fact that brothels are illegal. I’m assuming this is because trafficking and exploitation, if it’s going to happen, is more likely to happen in a brothel, where the trafficked persons might be forbidden from leaving the property. That makes sense. In some of the eastern states, the laws are a bit different. For instance, in the state of New South Wales, sex work is legal and regulated. A client can visit a legal brothel (google it–there are quite a few!), call a legal escort agency, or contact the legal independent escort of his choice–and he can do so with confidence.

Why? Because it’s not some shady process of navigating the mysterious system of an underground subculture cloaked in secrecy so as to avoid attention from LE.

And, of course, this makes it easier for the sex workers themselves. An escort doesn’t have to worry about her life being thrown into tumult because a cop decides to “hassle” her while she’s trying to find clients. She can just show up at her workplace (the brothel), or check in with the manager of her agency, or advertise on the internet, and go from there. Since it’s legal, both client and escort are free meet with confidence that, should one or the other decide to try something shady, the victim doesn’t have to be afraid to seek legal/police protection. Doesn’t that make the whole process easier and safer for sex workers and clients alike??

And isn’t safety our main concern? We’re not talking about a violent crime here. We’re not talking about theft. We’re talking about legislating morality, and our insistence on doing so leads to violence, theft, and the destruction of people’s lives.

So let’s take a step in the direction of the rest of the civilized world, shall we?

See you soon!

Hello Lovelies!

I’m sorry to say I will not be scheduling any appointments until mid-November, as I’ve recently had minor surgery, and I want to make sure I’m 100% before I give 100%.

So, for those of you who I’m scheduled to see soon–we’re still on! And for those of you who were thinking of asking me out within the next two weeks, I’ll need to take a rain check. My loss. :(

But!! I do have several wonderful, gorgeous, unique, fun friends in the area, and if you’d like me to recommend one who is available while I’m not, feel free to ask. I’d love to know you’ve had fun, even if I’m not the one who’s to blame for it! ;)


Just so you non-Twitter-ers (non-Tweeters?) don’t miss out…

A certain “Admirer” was requesting new pics, so I took one last night before bed and posted it to Twitter…

Yes, I tagged this post with the word “Sex” because…well…sometimes, it only takes one to tango ;)

So, dear readers, ask and you shall receive. I love that it took all of 30 seconds to grant that wish. I’m really starting to see the appeal of Twitter–if you’re on it, follow me! But I really, really hope I don’t get addicted to posting photos of myself (especially photos of myself er…um…showing myself some love, lol).

Hah! Listen up, Ignorant Misogynists: Jezebel’s Primer on What Sex Really Does to Your Vagina and…

Because I’m so freaking tired of hearing ignorant, misogynistic jokes about women who enjoy sex regularly, and/or mothers (who have had vaginal births) having “worn out” or “loose” vaginas, allow me to present, for your reading pleasure:

A brief lesson in anatomy:

It’s not the Hallway’s Fault: Jezebel’s Primer on What Sex Really Does (and Doesn’t Do) to Your Vagina and Butthole

You’re welcome!

<3 Annie

“Valentine” (Short Fiction)

Yesterday at the gym, I pulled out my trusty New Yorker, turned immediately to the short fiction for this week, and began reading Tessa Hadley’s short story “Valentine.” I really enjoyed it–so much so that I ended up losing track of time and putting in an extra-long workout, and then I went home and read the critique here (and commented, because I can’t keep my opinion re: fiction to myself, haha). If you haven’t already, you really should pick up this issue if you get a chance, just for this story. For me, it provoked something like a bittersweet nostalgia: it’s about young love, young sex, young disappointment, and lots of other things that seem especially momentous when it’s your first time experiencing them.

And now I’m headed out to French Quarter Fest! Have a great weekend, all!

Cosmo’s Horrible Sex Tips for Women

My friend just sent me this link, and it had me cracking up. I hadn’t thought about Cosmopolitan magazine in a LONG time, and I had forgotten how downright ludicrous (or should I say lewd-icrous? har de har har) their sex tips are. And that makes up like half of every issue of the magazine!!!

I remember being about fourteen years old and picking up a Cosmo at my older cousin’s house. It was full of sex tips (something along the lines of “100 Tricks to Make Your Man Melt!”). I was a virgin, and not only did I not know a damn thing about what men really like, but I didn’t even realize that (SURPRISE!) men are individuals, and therefore not all men like the same thing. (From the looks of it, the writers at Cosmo haven’t figured this out yet.)

Continue reading “Cosmo’s Horrible Sex Tips for Women”