I finally said something about the rampant transpohobia on ECCIE (<—click that for the full thread):
So. The topic is TS providers.
One thing that really, really bothers me about this board is how transgender-phobic so many of the guys seem to be.
Now, don’t tell anyone this**, but I love sex. LOVE IT. I love sex with men, and I love sex with women. Basically, I like to have sex with people I find attractive. And I’m attracted to a pretty wide range of people, especially if they can make me laugh, or think, or give me a bit of lively conversation. I’ve never had sex with a transgender person, but who knows, I might love that too. But if I don’t, you sure won’t find me criticizing other people who do.
Actually, I know quite a few men who are attracted to (and like to have sex with) transgender women. It’s far more common than some of you might think (yeah, for some reason, my guy friends feel comfortable telling me more or less everything pertaining to their sex life and sexuality). They don’t tell anyone this, of course, because of the stigma attached. They’re afraid of the backlash they may receive from other men.
Case in point:
Review: TS Jennifer: Hell of a Time
I find most of the responses to this review to be pretty mean-spirited and immature, and they don’t reflect well on the commenters. And I wholeheartedly agree with this guy’s comment:
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You all should be more respectful in your replies, or just don’t reply. I’m sure these comments cause a lot of people to not post ts reviews. The more reviews the safer we all can be.
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and this one:
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Some terrible replies in here. People tripping all over themselves to come in and declare “not gay!” or how disgusting this is. It’s this mans personal preference and he shouldn’t be belittled or ostracized for it. This may not be my preference, but I welcome his review and others like it since there is clearly some interest in it.
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Let’s hear that again, shall we?
| It’s this mans personal preference and he shouldn’t be belittled or ostracized for it. |
I know this kind of behavior is just mirroring the prevailing attitudes in Real Life, but that doesn’t make it OK (obviously), and I think it’s actually, in a way, worse to perpetuate those attitudes here on the boards. So you find it disgusting? Fine then; don’t read the review–there’s a great big “TS” there in the subject line to let you know this is not the review you’re looking for. But by treating a reviewer in this manner, you’re discouraging other men from reviewing their sessions with TS ladies. And that leads to a dearth of reviews of TS providers on the boards, which makes the boards pretty much useless for any gentlemen looking for that experience. And why do we have the boards at all? Isn’t the whole point to keep the hobby fun, safe, and satisfying for everyone involved?
As it is, most TS ladies wouldn’t be able to get access to the Infoshare if they wanted it. Why? Because they can’t get VP status…because they have no reviews…because board members are shamed if they even admit to having met with a TS provider. No wonder guys don’t want to review them!
By being jerks to guys who review TS providers, you’re not just being immature; you’re denying them the same benefits the rest of us get from the boards: most importantly, a reasonable expectation of safety when an ECCIE-active hobbyist with good references chooses to visit an ECCIE-active provider with good reviews.
So stop with the middle-school-esque “OMG-I’m-sooo-grossed-out-by-who-YOU-like” fest, will ya, gentlemen?
**Yes, I’m joking. Tell everyone!!
For the record, this article by Janet Mock (a trans woman and activist) is what got me started thinking about this so much today: How Society Shames Men Dating Trans Women & How This Affects Our Lives