Transphobia on ECCIE

I finally said something about the rampant transpohobia on ECCIE (<—click that for the full thread):

So. The topic is TS providers.

One thing that really, really bothers me about this board is how transgender-phobic so many of the guys seem to be.

Now, don’t tell anyone this**, but I love sex. LOVE IT. I love sex with men, and I love sex with women. Basically, I like to have sex with people I find attractive. And I’m attracted to a pretty wide range of people, especially if they can make me laugh, or think, or give me a bit of lively conversation. I’ve never had sex with a transgender person, but who knows, I might love that too. But if I don’t, you sure won’t find me criticizing other people who do.

Actually, I know quite a few men who are attracted to (and like to have sex with) transgender women. It’s far more common than some of you might think (yeah, for some reason, my guy friends feel comfortable telling me more or less everything pertaining to their sex life and sexuality). They don’t tell anyone this, of course, because of the stigma attached. They’re afraid of the backlash they may receive from other men.

Case in point:

Review: TS Jennifer: Hell of a Time

I find most of the responses to this review to be pretty mean-spirited and immature, and they don’t reflect well on the commenters. And I wholeheartedly agree with this guy’s comment:

Quote:
Originally Posted by downtownguy View Post
You all should be more respectful in your replies, or just don’t reply. I’m sure these comments cause a lot of people to not post ts reviews. The more reviews the safer we all can be.

and this one:

Quote:
Originally Posted by TeddyRuxpin225 View Post
Some terrible replies in here. People tripping all over themselves to come in and declare “not gay!” or how disgusting this is. It’s this mans personal preference and he shouldn’t be belittled or ostracized for it. This may not be my preference, but I welcome his review and others like it since there is clearly some interest in it.

Let’s hear that again, shall we?

Quote:
It’s this mans personal preference and he shouldn’t be belittled or ostracized for it.

I know this kind of behavior is just mirroring the prevailing attitudes in Real Life, but that doesn’t make it OK (obviously), and I think it’s actually, in a way, worse to perpetuate those attitudes here on the boards. So you find it disgusting? Fine then; don’t read the review–there’s a great big “TS” there in the subject line to let you know this is not the review you’re looking for. But by treating a reviewer in this manner, you’re discouraging other men from reviewing their sessions with TS ladies. And that leads to a dearth of reviews of TS providers on the boards, which makes the boards pretty much useless for any gentlemen looking for that experience. And why do we have the boards at all? Isn’t the whole point to keep the hobby fun, safe, and satisfying for everyone involved?

As it is, most TS ladies wouldn’t be able to get access to the Infoshare if they wanted it. Why? Because they can’t get VP status…because they have no reviews…because board members are shamed if they even admit to having met with a TS provider. No wonder guys don’t want to review them!

By being jerks to guys who review TS providers, you’re not just being immature; you’re denying them the same benefits the rest of us get from the boards: most importantly, a reasonable expectation of safety when an ECCIE-active hobbyist with good references chooses to visit an ECCIE-active provider with good reviews.

So stop with the middle-school-esque “OMG-I’m-sooo-grossed-out-by-who-YOU-like” fest, will ya, gentlemen?

**Yes, I’m joking. Tell everyone!!

For the record, this article by Janet Mock (a trans woman and activist) is what got me started thinking about this so much today: How Society Shames Men Dating Trans Women & How This Affects Our Lives

My Screening Practices Explained, Part 3: Scheduling a Date with an Escort & Providing References

**This is Part 3 of a three-part series explaining some of the most common screening methods escorts, providers, and other adult entertainers use to ensure safety and discretion with clients.**


“Can I use you as a reference?”

So yesterday I received an email from a client I had an absolutely amazing time with a few weeks back. This gentleman was inquiring as to whether he could use me as a reference. For those of you who aren’t that familiar with how providers and clients meet each other safely, or how we know if we even want to meet each other (i.e., will we be compatible?), allow me to explain.

Providers use many, many methods of screening (I’ve written two pretty extensive blog posts on the screening methods I use: My Screening Practices Explained – Part 1 and Part 2 – P411, Date-Check, and References.). When you schedule a date with a provider (escort, personal/professional companion, FBSM/sensual massage provider, etc.), she may ask you (the hopeful client) for “references.” What she’s asking for is permission to contact providers you have met with previously (usually two or three of them).

Why do we ask for this? Well, here’s the thing: women talk. (So do men, of course, but I haven’t interacted with many male providers, unfortunately. I’d love hear their perspective on this, though.) And in this business, we look out for each other–or at least, those of us who are decent human beings do. So, before we meet with a client, we like to consult each other to make sure the guy is safe and respectful. And sometimes, just sometimes, we might get a few insider tips on what that client really enjoys. ;)

This isn’t very different from “real-life” dating. We all exist within social circles. In the past, whenever I’ve been “romantically” (or simply sexually) interested in someone, I’ve consulted with mutual friends to get the scoop on him/her. And boy, have I dodged some bullets. But my behind-the-scenes detective work (if you can call asking a friend “So, what’s the deal with so-and-so?” “detective work”) has also led to some truly amazing, satisfying romantic encounters, relationships, and friendships.

So, when I received the following email from this gentleman (copy/pasted, in part):
Continue reading “My Screening Practices Explained, Part 3: Scheduling a Date with an Escort & Providing References”

Blue Books and Brothels: Storyville and the Legislation of Morality

A while back I met with a gentleman, and one of the topics that came up in conversation was New Orleans’s “sordid” history–namely, the period from 1897-1917 when the city set up Storyville, a red light district where prostitution was legal.

We discussed my fascination with E. J. Bellocq, a photographer working at that time who, despite earning a living photographing (among other relatively mundane things) Catholic school students’ school pictures, was drawn to the…less wholesome side of New Orleans in his art.  He is now best known for his Storyville Portraits, a collection of photographs of Storyville prostitutes taken around 1912, just five years before Storyville was shut down. These pictures weren’t found until after his death, but they’re wildly popular now–so much so that they have completely overshadowed his other work, such as his photos of the opium dens in what was then New Orleans’s Chinatown (now the CBD).

Clara Miller of Mahogany Hall, Prostitute in New Orleans's Storyville
Anyway, a couple days later, after he’d left town, I got an email from him with a link to this site.  It’s a fun little site with lots of info, but I think the most interesting thing about it is the collection of photographs of Blue Books.  Blue Books were basically guides to Storyvile–like the Eros-nola.com of paper.

It’s striking how similar the Blue Books are to the advertising methods used in the industry today.  Look at Clara Miller’s ad–her main selling points are her lovely disposition, her worldly (she’s traveled to Europe) yet relateable (she’s a local girl born near Baton Rouge) personal history, and her eagerness to please (she “can sit up all night if necessary”).  And of course, she’s a beautiful octaroon.  Sounds a lot like an elite professional companion, seeking extended dates, no?

I love the intro, in which the publishers swear that the listings contained in the book are truthful representations of the ladies and services they advertise.  “This book contains nothing but Facts,” they write.  Oh, I wonder how many men were duped by the ol’ bait-and-switch back then.  The predominant business structure in Storyville was the brothel arrangement, where several women worked in a house under a single owner/employer. It was basically the equivalent to today’s agencies. And the brothel owners (Madams) could really submit whatever information, real or false, they believed would attract customers (is this sounding familiar yet?).  I hope they made sure the girls had a chance to read the ads first!


And on that topic, what of the bait-and-switch?  Back then, since the business was legal, I guess situations like that one were much less problematic–it was just a matter of the gentleman saying, “No, thank you, that’s not what I was expecting,” and moving on to the next available lady that struck his fancy.

And what of brothels?  There weren’t really any “independent escorts” in those days; women worked for business owners, who charged them a fee for the room, the advertising, security, etc. (again, like an agency).  This is one of the reasons I’m against “legalizing” sex work–once there are strict regulations, we basically lose all control over how and where we work, and what we do with our own bodies.  Look at the situation in Nevada.  Sure, the brothels are legal, but the women working in them are dehumanized to the point that they are simply equipment, and the laws are such that the person who benefits most from their work is the employer (brothel owner).  The women are not permitted to leave the property (?!????!!!!!??), they are subjected to–and charged for–weekly medical exams*, they must pay rent, a flat grocery fee (regardless of what they eat), and several other miscellaneous fees for services and items they are forced to buy, and they are forced to directly compete with the women they must work and live with for the duration of their stay.  And before they receive their paychecks, the employer takes (from what I understand) about half of their earnings.
Continue reading “Blue Books and Brothels: Storyville and the Legislation of Morality”

Sh*t People Say to Sex Workers

I love this video by Scarlet Alliance SO MUCH, and it cracks me up every time I watch it.

(By the way: the term “Sex Worker” refers to any individual working in the sex industry whose job is to provide an erotic experience for the client. The word is used for escorts, professional companions, travel companions, massage parlor workers, porn actors and actresses, strippers, lap dancers, peep-show performers, and even phone sex operators. I am an escort and a professional companion; therefore, I am a sex worker.)

Sh*t They Say to Sex Workers

 

The ones I hear the most often:

“So, what’s the weirdest thing you’ve ever done?”

Continue reading “Sh*t People Say to Sex Workers”

This swirly script is entirely inappropriate for this post.

Last night, someone broke into the office of Women With A Vision and set fire to their files and office equipment–everything they use in their mission to “improve the lives of marginalized women, their families, and communities by addressing the social conditions that hinder their health and well-being.”

WWAV fought to change the law (Crime Against Nature) that required sex workers to register as sex offenders, effectively preventing them from securing housing, straight jobs, social services, etc. Apparently, someone had a problem with that.

Women With a Vision is a 501(c)3 nonprofit, and contributions are tax-deductible.

wwav-no.org

Continue reading “This swirly script is entirely inappropriate for this post.”