My Summer Vacation

Beach with palm tree and cocktail
Hah! I wish. No, my summer was pretty much the opposite of this.

OK, so I know I’ve been absent for a while, and I’m truly sorry for any frustration that may have caused. But before you read me the riot act, let me just say one thing (and this is the first and last time I’ll say this, because y’all know I absolutely adore you):

I don’t wanna hear it.

It’s not anything you’ve done, and I’m not dealing with any life-shattering tragedy or anything. It’s simply been a long, arduous summer. The past couple months were just a series of complicated, expensive, urgent problems. Here, allow me to list a few:

Summer 2017: A Comedy of Errors

  • As you know, my dog had to have surgery for several tumors, one of which was cancer. That was quite an ordeal, as was her recovery with the Cone of Shame.
  • I realized a few weeks ago that I had made a very, very, very serious mistake with my homeowner’s insurance last year, and I basically spent significantly more than I was supposed to. I was able to get some of the money back, but only after a lot of headaches and regret. And a sizeable chunk of the money is gone forever. That was a real kick in the gut.
  • Short version: I began work on a drainage issue on my property that was causing damage to my house’s foundation. Over the course of the past few months, I’ve done a ton of the physical labor myself–I have moved literally about 15 tons of material with nothing but a shovel and a wheelbarrow. Why? Because there’s no physical way to get heavy machinery into my backyard. Anyway, the issue turned out to be more complicated than we at first thought, and right when the project was almost finished, I realized that someone (not me!) had made a huge mistake, and a lot of the work needed to be torn out and redone. Cue almost two weeks of the runaround. Then it flooded, thereby making the problem so much worse.

    Think about the situation this way: Imagine you’re having your roof repaired. Something goes wrong, and there’s a delay, and your roof is temporarily left half-done. Then it rains. And since your roof is mid-repair, it doesn’t do what it’s supposed to do (keep rain out of your house). That’s a pretty good analogy, I think. Oh, and guess what?
  • It’s not just an analogy–that also happened. Yay!
  • At some point, while doing tons of physical labor, I chipped a tooth. I then proceeded to have an amazing dinner at Antoine’s, where I was treated to probably the best wine I’ve ever had in my life. Red wine. Which, ya know, stains. My dentist was not happy with me. I REGRET NOTHING.
  • That flood I mentioned? Yeah, it was nothing compared to the one that happened August 5th. And yes, I had flood damage to my home. Thankfully, only one room had damage–a small room that’s not elevated like the rest of the house. Too bad I was storing a ton of important stuff in that room. But I’m one of the lucky ones–many homes in the area were badly flooded. I’m grateful, but I’m also a little nervous about what’s to come.
  • On top of everything, my fence collapsed. Because I can’t afford to spend 4 grand on ~70 feet of fence, I’m building the damn thing myself. Digging new post holes is a nightmare, y’all.
Painting: The Hell - Hans Thomas
Okay FINE, it wasn’t that bad.

I’ll admit I brought a lot of this on myself. My New Year’s resolution for 2017 was to finish a few major projects on my house–things that needed to be done and really should have been done long before I even bought the house.

And I have a bit of an obsession with completing things I’ve started. If I begin a project, no matter how complicated it turns out to be, and no matter how harrowing (and expensive!) it becomes, I won’t stop. I won’t let it beat me. It’s the sunk cost fallacy, and it is absolutely irrational and stupid, and I am so, so, so guilty of it.

But! It wasn’t all bad. I’ve learned some pretty valuable lessons:

Lessons Learned Summer 2017

  • Can I drain my flooded backyard with nothing but a really long hose and a VERY basic knowledge of fluid dynamics? You’re damn right I can.
  • When I grow impatient with that method, can I then use three little fountain pumps and several feet of spliced-together old hose and pex and random tubing to quickly drain the rest of it? You betcha!
  • If you shovel literal tons of sand and gravel for a few weeks, your arms/shoulders will start looking pretty sweet.
  • If you shovel literal tons of sand and gravel for a few weeks, wear gloves, dumbass. Your hands will thank you.
  • Just because someone has experience doing something, that doesn’t mean they have experience doing it right. And if they don’t have experience doing it right, then congratulations! You just flushed money down the toilet, and now you have to dismantle their “work” and do it your damned self.
  • New things are scary. Construction is scary. But from now on, I will not be passive and deferential to people I have paid to work on my property. I’ve been in the habit of assuming that the “professional” I’ve hired always knows best, and I should just keep quiet. God forbid I’m seen as a “difficult” customer. But over the past couple months I’ve learned that there are “professionals” who either don’t know best, or they do, but they’ll take advantage of my reluctance to speak up.
  • I really need a f-ing Sawzall.
  • Last but not least: building things, home repairs, and manual labor are HARD WORK. It’s even harder when you’re doing it alone. And when you’re working alone and you’re impatient, you do stupid, dangerous things. But there’s no sense in getting angry that it just took half an hour to do something that would have taken 30 seconds if you had someone there to help. Slow and steady beats frustrated and sloppy every time–and you’ll have fewer smashed fingers in the end.

I’m tired of being dirty and sweaty and covered in bumps and bruises and scrapes and bad sunburns. I’m ready to get back to real life. I took the day off yesterday and had a good long soak in the tub, painted my nails, and didn’t touch a hammer, shovel, impact driver, post hole digger, or any tool whatsoever. I wore pretty lingerie and did my hair and makeup, just for the hell of it. Just for me. And it felt so damn good.

So, I’m back. The bulk of the work is done, but there’s still a substantial bit to go. But that’s OK. I may not finish it tomorrow, but I’ll finish it. In the meantime, there’s more to life than dirt and lumber and tools and literal blood, sweat, and (almost, a few times) tears. I’m just going to have to try something new: patience.

Calling the Client’s Workplace, Escort Earnings: Questions from a would-be escort

Yay, new question!! Well, semi-new, because it came in like 2 weeks ago and I’m just now getting to it. This one’s a little different from most of the others–today I’m going to answer a couple questions not from a client, but from a woman who is considering working as an escort in New Orleans.

Greetings Annie!

My name’s [redacted], and I’m trying to figure out how to break into the escorting business in the way that feels most right. I started by looking up “escort agencies in Nola” and, while I heard back immediately from one, when it came time to call them, I just couldn’t silence this little voice inside saying there is a better way, and a smarter way, for me to go about this. I started searching online for someone, anyone, that I could reach out to who’s in the business, in New Orleans, doing it independently, and who seemed, well, “real.” You’re the first one.

First of all, thank you for being genuine and being classy. My online searching experience with this business so far has left me a little grossed out. Don’t get me wrong, I’m all about getting nasty in the bedroom if it fits the mood and energy of the moment; I mean “grossed out” by way of the rampant tackiness, sloppiness, and lack of genuineness I see all over the place. So thank you SO MUCH for putting so much time and effort into your website and image. Your personality really shines through and it’s a massive breath of fresh air.

Sorry, I’m trying to keep this as short as I can. I have two questions:

  1. When a client gives you their employer’s phone number for reference, what do you say in that call? Is it just a simple “could you direct me to [client’s name] please?” And if/when they do, then you just give a quick “thanks” and hang up? Or is there a different way you like to handle it?

    Also, how often do clients even give their employer’s phone number for their reference? Just curious.

  2. This question I’m pretty nervous to ask you, because I don’t want to come off as being rude or disrespectful. So feel free to decline answering! But do you make, financially, a really good living doing escorting in New Orleans? It’s just that I have no idea how lucrative the business is in Nola as opposed to other U.S. cities.

I’m wondering if I’d be better off moving somewhere with a larger population like Chicago or Boston, but it’d probably be best to get a feel for how I’d do in New Orleans first. It is the nearest large city to me and I plan on moving to a new location in the country anyway. What did the income from escorting sort of look like when you first started out? And has that income grown since?

Apologies for the length; and thanks so very much for your time! You are profoundly appreciated!

OK first of all, thanks so much for the compliments. I’m blushing ;)

One of the great things about this business is that there’s something for everyone. No matter what a client is into, if it’s a decent-sized city, they’ll probably be able to find a provider who is offering that type of experience. BBW? We got that. GFE? Yep. Porn Star experience? Check. Intimacy on a cerebral and physical level? Got it. College co-ed type? MILF? Amazon woman? Dominatrix? Bimbo fetish? Submissive? Extra-kinky? Trans girl? Latina/Black/White/East Asian/South Asian/Pacific Islander/Carribean/European/etc.? They’re all out there if you look.

And not everyone is concerned with projecting a “classy” image or coming off as “genuine.” In fact, some like their women just a tad on the “trashy” side (sorry, I had to). Lots of providers actually prefer that clients never see their “real-life” personality. And that’s cool. Not all clients are looking for that. Mine, however, usually are, and that’s why they’re drawn to me.

OK, so on to your actual questions:

When a client gives you their employer’s phone number for reference, what do you say in that call? Is it just a simple “could you direct me to [client’s name] please?” And if/when they do, then you just give a quick “thanks” and hang up? Or is there a different way you like to handle it?

Screening via Employment Verification by Phone

Ugh. I really, really hate screening via phone, and I do everything in my power to avoid it and screen via email/internet instead. Realistically, I know the receptionist isn’t going to hear my voice and immediately launch into a tirade:

“I can tell by the way you said ‘Hello, may I speak to Mr. X?’ that you are a Lady Of the Evening! How DARE you call this respectable place of business, you HUSSY!!! The founders of this company, God rest their souls, are absolutely TURNING IN THEIR GRAVES!!!!”

But, ya know. It could happen.

In all seriousness, I have a few good reasons why I prefer to screen via email. If I need to screen via phone, I have to remember to do it before the business day is over. Sometimes I’m busy all day, and then it’s 5pm. But there’s no time limit on the internet, so I can do screening stuff at 10pm, or if I suddenly wake at 3am and remember that I’ve forgotten to complete all the screening for Mr. X, I can fire up the laptop and do it right then and there. Plus, I just don’t like calling people’s workplaces and talking to the receptionist. What if I pronounce the guy’s name wrong? What if the Jehovah’s Witnesses stop by AGAIN and they ring my doorbell and my dogs start barking and I can’t shut them up? And then, by the time I finally do, I’ve forgotten the guy’s name and I have to scramble to find it while the receptionist waits on the other end of the line? Argh! So many things can go wrong. Or what if everything goes fine and then she puts my call through to Mr. X, and Mr. X and I proceed to have an awkward chat about nothing for the next 20 minutes, most of which I can’t understand because I get bad reception in my house and I have to go outside if I want to hear the person I’m talking with semi-clearly, but outside is where my neighbors are, and they’re old and always want to chat, and plus I’d rather not talk about work loudly on my front porch. See? Phone screening is a catastrophe waiting to happen!!!

I kid, I kid. Yes, I prefer email, but let’s say you gotta do it via phone, because sometimes you just do. And now that I’ve finally gotten to it, the answer to your question is pretty damn simple: When a client gives you their employer’s phone number for screening purposes, just ask the client what he would like you to say. That’s it. Maybe he’ll tell you to tell the receptionist that you’re from his dentist’s office, or his kid’s school, or that you’re Pam from Dunder-Mifflin. Or maybe it’s a direct line to his office, and you won’t have to use any kind of clever trickery beyond dialing the number he’s given you (which yes, I know, is not clever trickery, and would only be regarded as such by a time traveler from the year 1870, but whatever, the sentence is already written and that’s how it’s gonna stay).

And in my experience, nah, they don’t go this route all that often. They generally seem to prefer email communication as well. But I bet that varies a whole lot, depending on the type of client, the industry they’re in, etc.


But do you make, financially, a really good living doing escorting in New Orleans? It’s just that I have no idea how lucrative the business is in Nola as opposed to other U.S. cities.

Financials: How much money do escorts in New Orleans make?

This is a difficult question to answer, because my definition of “a really good living” may not be the same as yours. Do I make a million dollars? LOL no. But I don’t stress about money all the time like I used to, and to me, that has been so, so, so valuable. I’m able to be selective with clients, and I don’t have to meet with every client who comes my way. Then again, I don’t have children, nor do I have a fancy car to pay off, etc., so my expenses might not be as high as some other people’s.

You can ask 100 escorts from all over the New Orleans Metro Area what they think of the business here and how lucrative it is, and you’ll probably get 100 different answers. How much money you make will depend on a lot of things.

Factors that affect your earnings as an escort, especially in New Orleans:
  • Are you willing to maintain a private incall location? This will allow you to tap into the locals market, but it also necessitates you paying rent and bills for a second place every month. You could, of course, work out of your own home to save money, but I don’t really recommend that. And unless you live in a place that is discreet, convenient, and in a “good neighborhood” (which is really, REALLY hard to define in New Orleans), many of the local “hobbyists” will either decline to see you, or even talk shit about your neighborhood on the boards. I have several friends who have scheduled an appointment with a client, and after he was a NC/NS (No Call/No Show), they discovered that he had posted something to this effect on the local board:

    “When i drove up, there was a black guy outside, and it just seemed sketchy, so I left. Watch out for this one, guys. Don’t think I’ll contact her again, and I advise you not to, either.”

    The implication here is that either the provider has a “dangerous” “pimp,” or that the whole thing was a set up, and the “hobbyist” was about to get robbed. How do you think that affects her business for the next several months?

    In one case, it was her fucking neighbor sitting on his own goddamn porch on a pretty day. In another, it was a group of (black) teenage boys carrying baseball bats…because they were walking a block to the baseball field where the neighborhood team plays. In another, it was a black guy walking down the street. I shit you not, the dude was minding his own business, literally WALKING DOWN THE FUCKING STREET, and this was enough to scare the little bigot off back to the ‘burbs, where he immediately hopped on the computer to “warn everyone” that that my friend had a pimp.

  • Are you willing to be “on call” 24/7, including last minute appointments? I turn a lot of appointments down, because I am not gonna roll out of bed at 1am, get all gussied up, and drag myself over to some drunk/coked-up/whatever guy’s hotel room. Not only would I be worried that he’d be passed out or gone by the time I got there, but I just…wouldn’t be my best “me.” Being “on call” every moment of the day would undoubtedly get you a higher total of appointments per week, but for me, it’s not worth it. I like my job, and I have no desire to stop doing it any time soon. The last thing I need is to do it in such a way that I would grow to hate it.
  • Are you willing to have your life revolve around this job? Are you willing to spend most of your waking hours going back and forth with potential clients, clients, time-wasters, other escorts, etc. via email, phone, text and messaging systems on several different escort/client websites, and maintaining an internet presence via social media and boards? If you can do this, by all means, enjoy your burnout.
  • Speaking of burnout, do you plan on taking occasional week-long or month-long breaks? If you don’t, your work may suffer in the long run. If you do, you’re passing up business.
  • Are you willing to participate in the review system (“hobbyist” boards), and all the political crap and drama that comes with it? Many providers use the system to their advantage–they get great reviews and lots of them, and that attracts other reviewers/hobbyists. However, a bad review from some douchebag flexing his “I’m a Very Important Person on this Very Important hobby board” muscles can really hurt you. And don’t think they don’t use that to their advantage.***
  • Do you fit the physical description of the typical “high earner”? Are you white, in your late-20s-to-30s, and conventionally attractive? It’s fucked up, but in general, white providers’ rates are higher than non-white providers’ rates, and conventionally attractive providers generally have higher rates than, say, BBW providers (that’s Gypsy of Chicago, by the way, and she is awesome and has TONS of info on escorting and sex work on her youtube channel). THERE ARE MANY MANY MANY EXCEPTIONS TO THIS “RULE.” It’s purely a generalization, but it’s not totally off-base. Just remember: we all set our own rates. Regardless of your “type,” don’t aim low (unless you really want to). Your time and energy is valuable, and like me, you may prefer quality over quantity.
  • Are you willing to travel (“tour”)? Lots of girls tour. While it looks kinda fun, and from what I understand, it’s often pretty lucrative, it also looks like a big fat risk to me. I don’t like the idea of paying a ton of money to fly to another city, pay for a nice hotel, and then wait around for clients who end up needing to cancel. Plus, traveling is a pain in the ass for me (I’d have to hire a housesitter/dogsitter, make sure my job doesn’t need me, etc.).



There are all kinds of other factors, and these are just a few of them. I know a provider who has so much business she never goes more than 3 days without a date. I know a provider who works 4-5 times a week. I know a provider who prefers multi-hour dates, and may only work once a week. I know a provider who only works when she’s in a financial bind, which might happen a few times a year, but definitely isn’t a regular thing. It really all depends on your goals and the type of clients you target.

And of course, the rules change based on the city you’re in. Would you make more money in New York City? Probably. But I have friends who work in NYC or have in the past, and their expenses sound…burdensome. As for me, I’d rather stay right here in New Orleans and work as much as I like, no more, no less ;)



***Yes, yes, yes, I understand #NotAllHobbyists do this. Most are perfectly nice people, but power-hungry, bitter people exist, and they have a right to pay for VIP membership on a website, too.

PS: Here’s a pic of my butt my friend took the other day. Real pics to come, this was just a casual snapshot :)

Corset and Stockings and Butt, oh my! - Annie, New Orleans Courtesan and GFE Escort, in a black corset, black panties, and a pair of thigh-high black stockings.

Mea Culpa Mea Culpa Mea Maxima Culpa – Old House Woes

Really bad drywood termite damage and rot in a wall of my historic home

Y’all, I am so sorry I’ve been MIA. I’m gonna be honest here–I haven’t even opened my email inbox in like a week. I feel terrible about this. And the worst thing is, I received such nice gifts over the past week–a Dyson vacuum (OMG OMG OMG I have finally achieved the level of luxury of which I’ve always dreamed!!!), a rain barrel for my backyard (yay water conservation!), an absolutely adorable pair of boots that I can’t wait to wear (pics coming soon, once my legs are suitable for photographing), and something else that I haven’t allowed myself to open yet because I first need apologize for being MIA. So. I am really, really, really sorry for my absence and whatever frustration and inconvenience I may have caused due to my failure to read, much less respond to, my emails in several days. I hope you can forgive me.

You may be wondering WTF I’ve been doing that prevented me from spending a measly little hour or three each day corresponding with clients and potential clients. Well. It’s a long-ish story (isn’t it always?).

First, I got the fantastic idea to clear out the storage room/shed/laundry room in the back of my house. If you don’t know already, I bought a historic home in New Orleans (my hometown) about a year and a half ago. The majority of houses in NOLA are pretty old, so I had experience dealing with the quirks of old houses as a renter. If you’ve ever lived in an older home (I don’t mean a mid-century ranch; I mean a house that’s about 100 years old or more), then you know that they’re a pain in the ass. And I knew this one was going to be a pain in the ass when I first walked through the front door. But, never one to choose the easier option, I fell in love with it and bought it anyway.

So yeah, I decided to clean out this back storage room. And while I was doing that, I figured I might as well move the washer and dryer to a place where they made more sense, even though it meant I’d have to re-do some plumbing stuff. So, I started on that…while also still cleaning out the storage room. Of course this just added to the chaos, but I was still ready and raring to go! So full of vim and vigor! So optimistic! And enjoying all the pain and sweat and filth involved!

dirty girl  3-19-17
You should have seen this outfit by the end of the day…

I’m pretty sure this room qualifies as what’s called a “historic addition”–an add-on to the original house that someone slapped on a long, long time ago. And my house, like houses in many of the oldest neighborhoods in New Orleans, has suffered neglect for the past several decades. As I was throwing things away, wiping down shelves, and moving things around, I realized one wall felt particularly…flimsy.

So, I started pulling down the badly-installed, ugly sheetrock that someone nailed onto the studs sometime in the past 10 or 15 years, and found…

Really bad drywood termite damage and rot in a wall of my historic home
Yep, this sucker’s done for.

…really bad drywood termite damage and rot, all throughout the wall. It’s gonna need to be rebuilt.

That was, of course, a bit of a blow. I hunted for the little buggers, but this appears to be old damage from an old infestation that is no longer active, thank God. But just to be sure, I ordered termiticide and applied it to this portion of the house.

To cheer myself up, I decided to go hunting for the original fireplace in my kitchen. There’s a fireplace in the room on the other side, and if you look up into the chimney you can tell it’s joined up with another behind it. The wall bumps out awkwardly in the kitchen, so I’ve always figured the old fireplace was still there. So I started digging, first at the baseboards, then through a couple layers of plywood, until a little avalanche of dirt fell and I saw brick. Woo hoo! I can’t wait to uncover the whole thing and repair it. I think it’ll look pretty cool. I didn’t take any pics because damn, it looks really gross. There’s decades of dirt and grime in that wall. I’m kind of scared to uncover it alone right now because I’ve heard old fireplaces can collapse on people and man, that would be a stupid way to go. Anyway, at least now I had something to look forward to.

So, I went back to the termite wall. The more I thought about it, the more I wondered if the termites had moved on to greener pastures (or more intact 2-by-4s, as it were). One of the walls perpendicular to this one was free of sheetrock and I could see that the studs, etc. were fine. But the sheetrock nailed to the one across from that one–a wall that had once been the exterior wall of the house–made me suspicious. So, I started ripping it down, and I found…

Hidden window

A window!!! Bet you thought I was gonna say “more termites,” huh? Well, I didn’t find any, but I’m having a pro come in anyway. The point is, I have a window I didn’t know about (but kind of suspected, once I had decided to pull the sheetrock down). So at some point this year, I’m takin’ my window back, y’all.



hidden window - my house has a window I didn't know about!
It’s a really weird size, though. Different than all the other windows in the house.
hidden window - my house has a window I didn't know about!
I promise, it’s gonna look really cool when I’m done!



It still looks pretty gross right now, but I promise it’ll be great when I’m done. I need to clean up and repaint the old siding (I’m going to leave it exposed because I think it’ll look a hell of a lot better than sheetrock, plus it maintains some of the historic integrity of the house), and then I’m gonna remove the kitchen cabinets from the other side of that wall and put a window in. That way, my kitchen will look out onto an enclosed porch (it will no longer be a storage/junk room). Oh, and that window will be straight across from my kitchen fireplace, which won’t be hiding behind a stove anymore.

So, it’s been over a week of maintenance, cleaning, assessing damage resulting from years of neglect (grumble grumble), and coming up with various plans to undo some of the “remuddling (a term I’m stealing from this guy, whose blog is awesome, btw) that’s been inflicted upon this poor house over the past century. As it turns out, it’s a pretty difficult (and expensive) task. Ah, if only some moron hadn’t replaced most of the house’s original windows with cheaper windows held up by plastic spring-tension thingies sometime in the 80s–or, for that matter, completely ripped out and walled over the back window, which doesn’t appear to be a standard size. If only they hadn’t decided that drop ceilings were a good idea. If only they hadn’t paved over the brick courtyard/backyard. If only they hadn’t made an awkward mess of the front of the house by bricking over the original facade and the two floor-to-ceiling windows it had.

“Old buildings are not ours. They belong, partly to those who built them, and partly to the generations of mankind who are to follow us.
The dead still have their right in them: That which they labored for … we have no right to obliterate.
What we ourselves have built, we are at liberty to throw down. But what other men gave their strength, and wealth, and life to accomplish, their right over it does not pass away with their death…”

~ John Ruskin 1849

It’s like somebody slapped a coat of spray paint on a Model T and hung a pair of Truck Nutz on the back. And then they snapped off the hood ornament and threw it in the river. And then added hydraulics.

It might take me a really long time, but I’m gonna leave this house in a much better state than what I found it.

I’ve already filled up like 15-20 contractor bags, just in the past several days. And I have to say, as badass and competent and powerful as all this physical labor makes me feel…

I’m over it. I’m ready to feel pretty and sexy again. And I’d kill for a glass of wine and some conversation with someone other than the dogs.

How to Tell if an Escort is a Cop, How Not to Incriminate Yourself, What to Say

More, more, more! This is part…what, 4 now? of the questions sent to me by a young newbie. Today, I’m going to address a couple questions that EVERYONE asks at some point when they first decide to start dating escorts, or some might say, when they first “enter the “hobby” (I hate that term for it, but ya know…when in Rome…). Guys usually ask how they can tell if an escort is an undercover police officer, or if she’s working with law enforcement in some other capacity. Strangely enough, that’s one of the questions we (escorts) all ask when we first start in the biz. Seems like we have similar fears…

So, here’s how he phrased it:

 

How do I know if they are a cop? Are there certain things they say that a companion would never say?

First: How do (you) know if an escort is a cop?

The Bad News:

The answer is pretty simple: the same way you know if the guy sitting next to you at the bar is a cop. And the same way you know if the bartender is working with the police. And the same way you know if the guy in the car in front of you is an undercover cop. And the same way you know if the woman behind you in the grocery store checkout line is a police officer.

In short: you don’t. There’s no surefire test. Cops can and do say whatever they need to to get the job done, truthful or not. Asking an undercover cop “Are you a cop?” does NOT obligate them to answer truthfully (and it’s hilarious that people still think that’s true). Asking an undercover cop if something is illegal also doesn’t work.

 

The Entrapment Myth

The vast majority of people do not understand what “entrapment” means. It’s not a loophole for people who would be breaking the law anyway. You don’t get to prove that an undercover police officer misspoke, or lied, or misinformed you, and therefore “didn’t play fair.” The situations where “entrapment” actually applies are few and far between. Basically, they have to force or coerce you to do something illegal that you didn’t want to do and weren’t planning to do. I’m assuming the “entrapment” defense came about as a way to prevent what would essentially be wrongful arrest and false imprisonment: a scenario where we live in some dystopian society where law enforcement, out of boredom or the desire to fill jail cells or god-knows-what, is motivated to arrest and detain citizens, whether they are criminals or not. In that environment, undercover police officers could pose as burglars, break into your house, put a gun to your head, and force you to steal a shopping cart or wrestle a bear and then arrest you for doing so.

So that’s the bad news.

However…

"Sexy Cop" escort arrests not-so-sexy "John" (client)
Pictured: Not me, and hopefully not you.
The Good News:

The good news is, meeting with an escort is not illegal, nor is working as an escort. This is important: Escorts accept compensation for their time. This is not a bullshit statement to be taken lightly. Escorts do not sell sex. If you pay for an hour with an escort, she is under no obligation to engage in sexual activity with you (for that matter, no one is ever obligated to have sex with anyone else, paid or not).

We (and by “we,” I mean “the royal we”) interrupt this blog post for a brief message about sex workers’ rights and the whorearchy:
I want to make this very, very clear: I do NOT look down on people who sell sex. I do not consider escorts to be “above” street sex workers (which is what most people think of when they hear the word “prostitute”). I don’t consider myself somehow “better” than a woman who advertises certain sexual activities for money. I, along with damn near every authority on the subject (including, but not limited to: Amnesty International, the World Health Organization (WHO), the Global Alliance Against Traffic in Women (GAATW), Human Rights Watch, and sex-workers’ rights advocacy and sex-worker-led organizations all over the world) support the full decriminalization of all sex work–that is, work in the adult entertainment and services industry–as that’s the best approach where ethics, public safety, and public health are concerned. But until that happens, we should all be mindful of the distinction between what is legal and what is not, even when that distinction seems silly (hey, just add a camera, and it’s porn, which is 100% legal!).

Do escorts sleep with clients? Sure, if they want to. Consensual sex between adults is not illegal. So arrive on time, freshly showered and smelling nice, and place the envelope on the dresser (or wherever she has specified on her website). Be in a good mood, be respectful, and just be a nice person. Anything that ends up happening between two consenting adults is simply…what sometimes happens between consenting adults. ;)

 

Time vs. Sex

The problem here is that many, many, many people confuse selling time with selling sex. This is why you may see “escorts” (women who call themselves escorts, anyway) offering certain sexual activities for certain dollar amounts. Oh, and phrasing it as “50 ‘Roses'” or “200 ‘Kisses'” is not only cheesy; it’s pointless. Same with using acronyms and code words. Asking “How much for a BJ?” or “Do you allow MSOG?” or “Do you charge extra for Greek?” is NOT going to help you avoid arrest, dumbass. Come on. Cops aren’t stupid. Do you really think they’ll be fooled? Do you really think “BJ” is going to throw them off? Do you really think they have no idea what “Greek” means? Furthermore, the law isn’t stupid. “But officer, I didn’t offer her 160 dollars; I offered her 160 roses!” isn’t going to keep you out of jail.

So if you don’t want to be arrested, don’t do anything illegal, and don’t meet with “escorts” who are doing anything illegal.

 

Don’t Ask For Advice From Idiots on the Internet

There are lots of tips on the internet that are ridiculously misguided. I saw one that said “Ask her to text you a nude photo. Cops can’t do that.” The hell they can’t. Why wouldn’t they be able to? Even if they don’t have an attractive female undercover police officer willing to get naked and take a selfie, it takes like 2 minutes to find a sexy naked selfie on the internet. Also, no self-respecting (OK fine, unless she enjoys doing that) escort is going to send you nudes for free. First off, um no, what if you know our dads or something? Secondly, there are websites where we can get paid for that nowadays, lol. Same thing with inviting her over for “nude modeling.” Um, no. I’m not going to some guy’s hotel for him to take a bunch of shittily composed, badly-lit, identifying photos of me walking around naked so that he can post them all over the internet and/or use them against me. You’re going to miss out on a lot of great opportunities if you limit yourself to people who are willing to let a complete stranger have that much freedom with their images.

 

Are there certain things undercover police officers say that a companion would never say?

Yep: “You’re under arrest.”

Well, I guess an escort might say that if you’re both into that kind of role play…but I digress.

Ok, you have to keep reminding yourself that prostitution (the exchange of sex for money) is illegal; escorting (the exchange of time and attention for money) is not.

So, if someone offers to give you a BJ for $100? Go for it if you want, but know that you are breaking the law. If you offer someone $250 for sex and she accepts, that’s all fine and good, as long as you both know that you’re engaging in illegal activity and you’re comfortable with the risk of consequences.

Escorts who are not breaking the law will not offer you sex for money. And many of us don’t like to talk about money, first because it ruins the mood and the fantasy, and second because it can devolve into a man morphing into a crasser version of himself–the version that “thinks with the wrong head,” forgets that we are people, and starts trying to negotiate dollar amounts for activities which, as you know, is illegal.

 
How to Ask What Sexual Activities an Escort Does or Doesn’t Do

How do I find out about what they can or don’t do without incriminating myself or sounding like an idiot?

Why do you need to ask this before you’ve even started? Who does that? I mean, I guess some people do, but I find that really odd, if you want to be intimate with a person, as opposed to a list of activities.

At the beginning of your time together, as I explained in my last post, introduce yourself, be normal and nice, make conversation, and treat this as a normal date. The monetary gift should already be in place. If she likes you, things will progress. Yes, you can “make the moves” on her, as you might with anyone you’re on a date with, unless she has made it clear that she does not want you to. And an escort is not going to stick around if she doesn’t want you to. She will either leave, or she will ask you to leave. Hopefully you’ll be graceful about it and won’t just reach over and grab her boob and honk it or something totally ridiculous (though I think I would crack up if that happened). If you’re really feeling confused as to how to get the physical intimacy started, ask for a backrub. Or even better, ask to give her a backrub! If you’re not sure what to do next, let your hands wander a bit and ask, “Is this OK?” You’ll probably start to undress each other at this point. WTF, I’m actually turning myself on picturing this, LOL.

Ahem, anyway. Really, all I’m doing here is telling you how to initiate sex with a woman. Escorts are women. Go with the flow, checking in along the way, and ask for what you want in the moment. Communication is key.

As for not incriminating yourself: Again, don’t exchange money for sex.

As for sounding like an idiot: we all sound like idiots sometimes, so the sooner you get used to it, the better.

 
So I’m safe, right?

All of this being said, if the police want to arrest you, they’ll find a way. Sorry, that’s the world we live in.

Your best bet is to decrease your risk: meet with providers who are unlikely to be undercover cops, and who are unlikely to be targeted by police.

Think logically. Is an escort who has been around for a while, who maintains a presence online, who obviously cares about the image she’s presenting to potential clients, likely to be a cop? Probably not. If she were meeting with guys simply to arrest them, word would get out pretty quickly. That’s the beauty of the internet. Within an hour of being bailed out of jail, the guy would be pounding away at his keyboard, making sure everyone who would even THINK about seeing an escort knew not to meet with her.

Now, think like law enforcement. The exchange of sex for money is criminalized for no good reason (other than time-honored prudery and the power of the “moral majority”), and I’m willing to bet that the vast majority of police officers couldn’t care less what consenting adults do behind closed doors and why they do it. But they don’t write the laws; they just do the job. And, for now, stings are part of the job. “Stings” happen for a reason. Usually, the goal is one of the following:

  • “Clean up the streets”: Remove sex workers and their customers from the area (the area’s being gentrified, new money is coming in, and the newcomers want “those icky people” to disappear).
  • “Be tough on crime”: There’s an election coming up–Quick! Everybody look busy! Make some arrests!
  • “Rescue sex trafficking victims”: I’ve talked about this ad nauseum elsewhere.

So:

  • Don’t go cruising around in your car offering people money for sex.
  • Don’t see escorts who seem not to consider their own safety before agreeing to meet with you (i.e., they don’t screen) (if the goal is to make arrests, law enforcement isn’t going to make it difficult for you)
  • Don’t meet with escorts who you think might be forced or coerced to sell sex, or who appear to be minors. As a matter of fact, I suggest meeting with women you’re damn sure aren’t minors (partly because you don’t want to risk meeting with someone too young to consent, and partly because cougars are hot).

OK that is a lot of writing. I’m out.

It’s #GivingTuesday! Give to causes you love!

Today is Giving Tuesday, and just in case you’re feeling generous, here are some causes I very passionately support. Click the organization’s name to go to their website to donate.

Bonus: If you schedule an appointment with me today or tomorrow and make a donation of $50 to one of the causes I support, you can take $50 off the total “donation” to me.

  • Youth BreakOUT!

    Their website is getting a makeover right now, but I can vouch for the fact that this is an awesome organization that has been fighting the criminalization of LGBTQ youth in New Orleans for years.

  • Women With a Vison – New Orleans

    You’ve probably heard me talk about them in the past. Here’s a bit about them from their website:

    Women With A Vision, Inc. (WWAV) is a community-based non-profit, founded in 1989 by a grassroots collective of African-American women in response to the spread of HIV/AIDS in communities of color. Created by and for women of color, WWAV is a social justice non-profit that addresses issues faced by women within our community and region. Major areas of focus include Sex Worker Rights, Drug Policy Reform, HIV Positive Women’s Advocacy, and Reproductive Justice outreach.

    Women With a Vision is the organization that ultimately got the Louisiana Crimes Against Nature by Solicitation law–a law that required anyone convicted of offering oral or anal sex for money to register as a sex offender FOR LIFE–changed, and got hundreds of names removed from the sex offender registry. If that’s not a win for sex workers, women, LGBTQ people, and fairness in general, then I don’t know what is. Check out their website for other awesome stuff they do/have done.

  • The Louisiana SPCA

    I love the LA-SPCA. They do everything from low-cost (sometimes free!) spay/neuter and vaccinations, to investigating reports of animal cruelty, to taking down dog fighting rings, to providing free dog food to low-income households or homeless individuals who need to feed the dogs in their care, to taking in unwanted dogs and providing them with food, shelter, medical care, a home if possible, and humane euthanasia if not. I support them because they do the dirty work that is a consequence of other people’s failure to take responsibility for their animals. Also, if you’ve lost a pet and you go up there to make a report and chat with the people at the front counter, you’ll see that, in addition to all the regular work duties they have, they spend their spare minutes of the whole damn day checking Craigslist and various Facebook pages and groups for missing pets in an effort to reunite pets and their owners. That’s pretty damn cool.

  • Humane Society International

    Street dogs are a huge problem in the developing world. Rabies kills tens of thousands of people each year, and the vast majority were infected after being bitten by dogs. Street dogs contribute to unsanitary conditions in places with substandard water and sanitation access, and vehicular accidents (and human deaths and injuries) by roaming the streets.

    And that’s just the effect they have on the human population. I’m not the type to prioritize the needs of animals over those of people, but I do think that we have an ethical obligation to prevent the suffering of the animals we interact with every day. Street dogs die of horrific diseases (in addition to rabies, there are other painful infections like parvovirus, heart worms, distemper, etc.), starvation, traumatic injuries, intentional and unintentional poisonings, and violence perpetrated by humans. But because the dogs are either stray or owned by families for whom spay/neuter and vaccination are cost-prohibitive, no matter how many die, there are always tons more sick, starving animals roaming around. In some countries, citizens are encouraged to shoot strays or kill them in whatever way gets the job done, but this doesn’t come close to solving the problem.

    Humane Society International is working on spay/neuter and vaccination programs for street dogs in developing countries and encouraging better relationships between humans and the street dogs around them. Even if you aren’t a dog person, this is huge: spay/neuter reduces the amount of nuisance animals, and vaccination programs reduce human deaths from rabies. And encouraging empathy for other sentient beings can only have good effects in the community. Everybody wins!

    In addition, Humane Society International works to shut down puppy mills, implement more humane living conditions (and more humane slaughter) for livestock and working animals, and all kinds of other good deeds. Like I said, I am realistic about the plight of animals in the world, but I believe that we should work toward systems that prevent and/or limit the suffering of the animals we eat, use, and profit from. This attitude gets me in trouble with a lot of people, strangely enough.

    Anywayyyyy…on to another organization that promotes a worthy cause that many, many people vehemently oppose:

  • SWOP-USA (Sex Workers Outreach Project USA)

    From their website:

    Sex Workers Outreach Project-USA is a national social justice network dedicated to the fundamental human rights of people involved in the sex trade and their communities, focusing on ending violence and stigma through education and advocacy.

    On the national level, SWOP helps build stronger communities and a stronger movement through technical assistance, funding, and direct support and advocacy. On a local level, our chapters address structural, cultural, and interpersonal violence individuals in the sex trade face by working to change attitudes, change policies, and create alternative community-led systems of support.

    One of these days, the US will come to its senses and decriminalize sex work.** Then, and only then, will all escorts, street sex workers, full-body sensual massage practitioners, fetish pros, et. al. be free to work safely and without fear of exploitation, violence (in the form of not only assault, but arrest/imprisonment as well), or the life-altering affects of being “outed.” Sex workers will have financial opportunities that are currently all but closed to us (home ownership, securing loans, starting small businesses with employees and payroll). Maybe we’ll even be able to unionize for health benefits! Wouldn’t that be something?

    But today is not that day. Until then, we have organizations like SWOP-USA and Desiree Alliance for the purpose of organizing, networking, activism, and advocacy. Oh, and Amnesty International, which supports full decriminalization of sex work.

    **Sidenote: If you’ve never heard me talk about decriminalization of sex work (maybe you’re new here? LOL) and you’d like to read a long, angry screed er…impassioned tirade, check out my Open Rant to Sexwork Prohibitionists Everywhere or my client-prompted explanation of decriminalization vs. legalization.

  • Desiree Alliance

    As I mentioned above, Desiree Alliance is one of the organizations that advocates for sex workers and promotes activism for sex workers’ rights in the US and beyond. They also hold a national conference every two years. I attended the Desiree Alliance conference in Las Vegas soon after I started working as an escort, and it kinda changed my life. From their site:

    Contribute to the Scholarship Fund to assist with Desiree’s commitment to social justice, inclusion and leadership for all sex workers from the most to least marginalized among us. These social justice efforts are central to Desiree’s mission and to the sex worker movement in general. ANY amount is greatly appreciated as a token of your support for social justice in the sex workers movement.

    You can donate to Desiree Alliance here.

More on my “Philanthropy and Causes” page.

Happy Halloween! Help me choose a costume?

Happy Halloween!!

As you may know, Halloween is kind of a big deal here in New Orleans.  Costuming and general mayhem–tomfoolery, hijinx, shenanigans, and especially debauchery–isn’t just encouraged; it’s almost required, to nearly the same extent as Mardi Gras. I guess you could say it’s on par with New Year’s Eve (also a Big Deal in NOLA).

However, I’m in a bit of a predicament. Tonight is Halloween, and I still don’t have a costume. I’m about to head out to hit all the local costume shops in a last-minute attempt to throw something together, but I can’t decide which ultra-offensive, lazy cliché of a costume I should don this year for All Hallow’s Eve. So, I invite you to vote on it. I’ve narrowed it down to two choices.

Stupid, whorephobic, and/or generally misogynistic costume ideas for Halloween:

 

  • Dead Hooker: Hurr hurr because sex workers aren’t people, and a dead hooker stuffed in the trunk of is car are an easy punchline that won’t make normal, respectable folk uncomfortable (unlike “dead kindergarten teacher/nurse. stuffed in the trunk of a car”). Hah!The “Dead Hooker” costume is an especially popular choice among women who have procrastinated for weeks and now, a few hours before the Halloween festivities start, find themselves needing something last-minute. Here’s an example. And another. (For what it’s worth, these girls seem like perfectly nice people, and this “costume” idea is so common that I don’t hold it against them. I’m only singling them out because their pics were some the first that came up when I Googled).

  • Geisha Girl: Oh, cool! Asian fetishism and disrespect for highly-trained sex workers? In one costume?!? Sign me up!
    Sexy Geisha Girl costume
    So authentic!!

    True Story: I once went out on a date with a girl who was dressed as a Geisha for Halloween. During said date, she informed me that she had “thought about it and decided that [she] might be OK with dating someone who does what [I] do for a living.” How flattering. :\



Hmmm…decisions, decisions, right?  Come on, help a gal out! Give me a little direction here! I’ve posted a poll on Twitter:

…or you can tell me which you like better (or suggest something else) in the comments section below!

Now Offering Doubles with Lily Kat Wood!

Sometimes clients contact me for doubles sessions (sessions with two providers and one client–essentially a “threesome,” if you will), and I’ll admit that I’m thrilled when this happens.  I absolutely LOVE doubles sessions.  Usually, if the client doesn’t already have a lady in mind, I’ll ask him to take a look at some of the ladies on Eros New Orleans and ask whichever lady interests him if she’d like to join us.  If not, then I’ll ask around for him.

However, a few days ago I had the pleasure of meeting Lily Kat Wood (see her Eros ad here, and her TER profile here).

Lily Kat Wood - Escort in New Orleans
Lily Kat Wood (click the pic for her P411 profile)

We met up, had a few drinks, and we really hit it off!  She is gorgeous and classy, and I felt like a real frump next to her–I had biked over to meet her after having worked on a home improvement/art project all day, and I was covered in this gross adhesive stuff and grout, not to mention sweaty from biking in the heat.  She didn’t seem to mind though, lol.

Anyway, we got along well and have a lot in common, and we decided that we’d love to entertain clients together (those who think they can handle both of us at once, that is) here in New Orleans.

So, I’d like to formally announce that she and I are now offering doubles sessions to interested gents.

Are you one of them?

…Will you be our first?  ;)

Ever hear of the Baby Dolls of Mardi Gras? Or Black Storyville?

Some of you might know that one of my personal goals is to never, ever stop learning (this is why I sometimes need to schedule dates around classes I’m taking, even though I’ve finished school).  And some of you might also know that I love local history, especially the history of the “adult professions” in New Orleans. I’ve written a bit about the era of Storyville in New Orleans.

Storyville was the red-light district of New Orleans between 1897 and 1917, and it was just across Rampart Street from the French Quarter. Of course, the “ladies of the evening” had been working in that neighborhood long before then, and its closure didn’t stop them–as Martin Behrman famously stated upon learning that the Navy had ordered the district shut down, “You can make it illegal, but you can’t make it unpopular.” Storyville is, of course, a fascinating topic, and it’s a neverending source of subject matter for a variety of stories and films set in New Orleans, both fiction and nonfiction. But it isn’t the end-all be-all, even for its time period. It’s actually just a small part of the story.

New Orleans is a diverse city, and it always has been. In Storyville, white gentlemen could visit white, black, or creole “ladies of the evening” in small rooms they’d rent called “cribs.” But Black men weren’t allowed to visit these ladies Storyville. In fact, Black men in Storyville were usually there to perform as musicians–they weren’t allowed to play, as it were, with the ladies of Storyville, but they could play for them and their clients.

So, what was a Black gentleman to do? Well, just uptown there was a neighborhood called “Black Storyville” where he could find a lady willing to spend a little time with him for a price. It wasn’t technically legal (like it was in Storyville), but officials turned a blind eye.

A sort of Mardi Gras rivalry between the ladies of Storyville and the ladies of Black Storyville developed, and the Baby Dolls tradition grew out of that.

Book by Kim Marie Vaz - The Baby Dolls
And lucky me! Knowing how much I love local history (especially parts of it that aren’t so well-known), one of my sweet clients bought me a book all about it: The “Baby Dolls”: Breaking the Race and Gender Barriers of the New Orleans Mardi Gras Tradition, by Kim Marie Vaz of Xavier University of Louisiana and published by LSU Press.

It’s a really fun and fascinating read about a subject most people don’t know much about. Highly recommended to anyone who’s interested in learning more about the history of New Orleans, and much appreciated by me. So thank you–you know who you are ;)

Meet the Best Stripper in the House

Just working on my house on this rainy Wednesday, stripping layers and layers of old paint from some old baseboards and trim.

But at least I’ve got some sexy company…

Citristrip is the best stripper in the house--my house!
Some strippers have a bit of an orange cast to them…but this one can really pull it off!

 

In case you were wondering:  yes, this blog post is mostly an excuse to procrastinate.

Aaaaannnndddd I guess now I’m out of excuses.

Well, back to the grind. Feel free to rescue me from the doldrums of boredom. I assure you, I won’t mind if you steal me away from this for a few hours–it’s really not that sexy.

Would “legalization” lower escort rates? Client Questions

Recently, on one of the local internet forums, I came across the following question from a client. Never one to pass up a conversation even tangentially related to the criminalization of sex work, I started to answer his question, but my explanation quickly grew and kind of veered off-topic. So, I decided to post it here instead.

I wonder though, that if sex work was ever legalized, if the value of your time would decrease? Just a question… As supply increases, demand lowers.

My answer:

This is a great question.  The short answer is “probably.”  But…

Here’s the long answer:

There’s a huge difference between legalization and decriminalization. 

Legalization

In legalization, our work is legal, but only under certain conditions determined by the state.  The problem with this is…well, just look at Nevada. Well, no. First, let’s look at Storyville.


Historic Marker for Storyville, New Orleans (Red Light District).  Sign reads: "Created 1897 and closed 1917, New Orleans' famous legalized red-light district was in this area.  Among many great jazz musicians on the scene here were "King" Oliver, "Jelly Roll"" Morton, Louis Armstrong, Tony Jackson, and Jimmie Noone."
God forbid we mention of the actual sex workers, whose work was the entire purpose of the district.

Storyville: The “Red Light District” Approach, Exploitation, and a Two-Tiered Legality

As much as we in New Orleans (myself included) romanticize Storyville, New Orleans’s legal red light district between the years of 1897 and 1917, legalized prostitution was similarly problematic back then. Women were only permitted to sell sexual services in one part of town. A girl could not legally, say, meet a client in her own home, negotiate a price, and accept payment for the time she spent with him. The only legal way to accept payment for her erotic labor was to pay a brothel owner/manager in Storyville for the privilege of working there, and pay grossly inflated rent prices to the building owner, who rented out “cribs” (tiny closet-like rooms for the purpose of prostitute/client meetings and transactions) to working girls by the day. Needless to say, lots of people got filthy rich between 1897 and 1917, and most of them weren’t the actual working girls.

OK, now jump forward 100 years and to the West 2,143.9 miles (according to Google Maps), and let’s talk bout Nevada. In a couple of counties, full service sex work is legal, but only in licensed brothels.  Workers must also go buy a license from a government office ($$, and the worker’s information becomes public, btw), and they can only work for a brothel that has permission from the state.  While working for the brothel, they cannot leave the premises.  They must also

  1. pay for rent and meals at the brothel–you’re not allowed to get an apartment or buy your own groceries,
  2. pay for weekly trips for STI tests at a doctor the state has chosen for that purpose,
  3. pay for the van trips to that doctor,
  4. allow the brothel owner to see their medical info before they can,
  5. give up (I think) half their earnings to the brothel owner, and
  6. rely on the brothel owner for pretty much anything they need for work, which means prices are inflated, etc.

Basically, it becomes a get-rich-quick scheme for the state, the brothel owner, the doctor and his/her staff, and everyone but the people doing the actual sexual labor.  Ironically, one of the justifications given for this type of system is that providers need protection from exploitation (“pimps”). So, instead of allowing a provider to work independently (advertising, screening, negotiating with and meeting clients without anyone else interfering in that process), the state requires the use of a 3rd party, who is involved in (and profits from) the transaction.

Criminalization of the Most Vulnerable, Legalization for the Privileged

And let’s not forget the fact that not everyone will be able to afford that license or all the fees required to get start working at the brothel (licensing fees, transportation costs, required brothel-owned transportation service from airport to brothel, required up-front rent, required up-front food money, etc.).  Nor will everyone who wants the job be hired to work in the brothel. 

So basically, there are a few people who can work legally, as long as they give quite a bit of their earnings to a bunch of people who don’t have much to do with the actual work being done.  And everyone else goes to jail if they get caught.

This is only one form of legalization, but it shows how problematic legalization can be. On the surface, it sounds great, especially to those who have no experience working in this business or meeting with escorts. Keep hookers hidden away from good, regular folks in society? Great! Force them to be tested weekly? Awesome–lord knows they’re vectors for disease otherwise! Require that they work under the supervision of a babysitter who knows what’s best for them? Fine idea! Mandate a government-issued license to fuck? Sounds logical to me! (This is sarcasm, in case you can’t tell).

In reality, there are several problems with the “legalization” type of approach. As I said before, those who are most vulnerable (poor people) will not be able to afford to work legally, and will continue to work illegally and suffer the consequences. And providers who may not be the brothel owner’s “type” for whatever reason (race, age, body size, looks) will also not be able to work legally, and will continue to work illegally and suffer the consequences. I don’t think it’s fair to set up a system that punishes poorer, or fatter, or older providers for doing the same thing their wealthier, thinner, younger counterparts are doing, nor is it an improvement on the system we already have.

In addition (and to me, this is the most important part), I think it’s flat-out wrong for the state to legislate who can fuck whom, as long as everyone is of legal age and is consenting. It is absurd to say that it’s OK and legal for consenting adults to have sex for this reason (love, horniness, the desire to get back at an ex, etc.) but not that one (the need to pay one’s rent or phone bill, the desire to buy a fancy new dress, etc.).

Decriminalization: What Sex Workers Want

Now, with decriminalization, it’s no longer illegal to trade sex for money.  You can pay for it.  You can sell it.  As long as both parties are of legal age and consenting, it’s your business.  There will still be certain regulations, of course, but no new laws need to be made, because laws covering those issues already exist. For example, most rational people would object to allowing the buying and selling of sex in a park or at the grocery store. Well, we already have laws prohibiting public nudity and public sex. The same goes for forced sexual labor–we already have laws against rape.

What most individuals working in the world of erotic services want is decriminalization, because then it ceases to be illegal for providers to do the work they do.  And it ceases to be illegal for our clients to…well, to be clients.* All we want is to have the right to have the same sexual encounters that everyone else is free to have without fearing arrest because someone leaves us a little monetary compensation for our time and attention.

*Please don’t confuse decriminalization with the “Nordic Model.” Advocates of the “Nordic Model” will often use the term “decriminalization,” perhaps out of ignorance, or perhaps in an attempt to obfuscate the truth–that the “Nordic Model” is almost universally opposed by sex workers themselves. The “Nordic Model” takes an “end demand” approach–sex workers are no longer criminalized, but clients are. Obviously, that’s a really shitty situation for us–would you want the purchase of your products and/or services to be criminalized? Do you think a doctor’s practice could succeed if it were illegal for patients to visit? What about financial advisers? How profitable would that business be if it were illegal to seek financial advice? What if it were legal to sell alcohol, but not to buy it? Do you think bartenders would feel “safe” and “protected,” or would they just want to go back to slinging beers to their law-abiding customers in peace? You see, we do want to right to work without fear of arrest, but we don’t want our clients to be criminalized. Not only would we have a more difficult time finding clients, but when there’s that much of an imbalance re: risk of arrest (as in, we would be taking no risk by meeting with clients, but they would be risking arrest every time they chose to visit an escort), all kinds of unexpected consequences arise. And of course, the majority of them ultimately put sex workers at risk.

The Rates Question

So, your question was whether our rates will have to drop if and when this work is legalized.  Legalized?  Well…probably not.  Legalization comes with all kinds of “you can do this, but…” caveats, and those caveats cost lots of money.  Those brothels in Nevada?  Those girls’ rates aren’t cheap, unless they’re desperate because they owe the brothel owner $$$.  Decriminalized?  Maybe.  Once there’s no fear of arrest, there will probably be more supply–more people will join the profession.  But remember, there will also be more demand.  Less people will be afraid of visiting a provider.

I have a feeling our rates would have to drop some…or at least, many of us would have to drop our rates somewhat.  However, that’s a small price to pay for being able to work without worrying that you’ll be arrested and lose everything you care about–your home, your day job, custody of your children, maybe even friends and family.  And it would almost certainly be easier to meet with clients safely because I’m betting clients would be more willing to hand over the necessary screening info if they could be sure we weren’t cops posing as providers for a sting.

Equal Power, Equal Protection

Just think about it…No one could threaten to “out” us (clients or providers) to the cops.  If a provider stole from you, you could go directly to the cops and report the incident without them giving you a hard time.  If a provider was sexually (or otherwise) assaulted by someone she met with, she could report it without worrying about being arrested for the type of work she does.

The “But Taxes!!!” Argument

People bring up taxes as justification for legalization. Many, many, many of us already report earnings and pay taxes.  Of course not everyone does, but that’s common in lots of service industry jobs (waiting tables, bartending, etc.) and lots of informal labor (babysitting, cleaning houses, fixing people’s computers in your home, etc.). Decriminalization would make it even easier to do that–either as a business owner (independent provider), or as an employee at an agency or brothel (depending on how it’s done, a provider could be an independent contractor or a regular old employee).  Imagine if doing taxes was as straightforward and easy as walking into one of those tax prep places in a strip mall and saying “I’m an escort. Here are my receipts for the year. I saw this many clients and made this much money and spent this much on advertising and supplies.” So many providers would find it a lot easier to, I dunno, be approved for a mortgage and become property owners so that they have something to show for all the work they’ve done over the years, and a real asset to hand down to their children or to cash in on when they retire. Wouldn’t that be nice?

“Sexually Deviant Fallen Women” or “Desperate, Misguided, Helpless Victims”?

For as much as society loves to either demonize us or paint us all with the “poor, helpless victim” brush, they sure don’t seem willing to do the one thing that would actually empower us–that would enable us to show that we are so, so much more.

Update as of 3/2017:

I’ve recently come across the writings of Missy Mariposa, a former independent escort-turned-legal brothel worker at Sheri’s Ranch. Her experience at Sheri’s Ranch has been overwhelmingly positive, and doesn’t resemble the restrictive and exploitative environment I imagined. I fully admit my image of brothel work was based on a couple episodes of a reality show I saw way back when, and a few descriptions I had read by workers at another legal brothel in Nevada (not Sheri’s Ranch). Missy has fully embraced brothel work, and she explains why in this post: Why I hung up my heels as an independent and embrace the brothel. Color me enlightened!

Story Time! ~ Annie and The Case of the Missing Gifts

Story time!!!

So, here’s a little story about something that happened way back in 2015.

As many of you know, I moved in early 2015. Well, when I did, I changed the address on my Amazon account, and I assumed that meant the address on my wishlist was changed, too. Nope.

Long story short, right after I realized my error, I saw that 3 items had been purchased from my wishlist: a camera in April and two pairs of shoes. And where were those packages containing generous gifts from my clients delivered to? Yep, my old house.

The next day I was in the neighborhood having a drink with a friend, so I decided to stop by my old place on the way home and ask about my packages. When I knocked on the door a woman answered, and I asked if she had received any packages for Annie. She looked kind of alarmed, then embarrassed, and then she said “Um…hold on…” and shut the door and left me standing on the porch for a few minutes. When she finally returned she said, “Yeah, um…I have your shoes, but I opened the boxes, and…um…well, um–hey, do you want to come in for a drink?”

Of course I accepted, because why the fuck not?

So I’m sitting on her (formerly my) living room floor, drinking her wine, and she’s trying to explain to me why the packages are open, but I’m pretty sure I know. She got someone else’s packages, and since she had no idea how to get in touch with that person, she said “fuck it,” and opened them. I get it. I told her it was totally cool, and curiosity probably would have gotten the better of me, too. She said she was glad I had showed up on her (formerly my) porch because she was having a moral dilemma about what to do with these super cute shoes that were her exact size but that weren’t meant for her. Anyway, hilarity ensued, and we hung out for like 4 hours drinking wine.

At some point her boyfriend came home, and she took me up to her room (the upstairs bedroom, which you can see in my videos…well you could, until YouTube deleted them, because sitting on a bed fully clothed while unwrapping presents is against their prudish policies, I guess). She told me she wanted to hang out with me, but without him, so we went back to the bar for a bit, and then then back to her (formerly my) place again. Her boyfriend was still home, so she found some excuse to show me something upstairs again, and when I got up there, I realized why she was so keen to get me alone.

If she couldn’t steal my shoes, she was gonna steal my heart, I guess.

It was a little awkward, and her boyfriend started calling up the stairs to see what we were up to (I guess he was suspicious), so no, we didn’t get very far. But it was a great ending to an interesting night, and it made for a funny story ;)

So, without further ado, here are the shoes:

 

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It’s actually really hard to take pics of your own shoes, y’all.

And the camera, with which I have taken several dirty polaroid pictures so far ;) Ask me to bring one to our next meeting if you want a souvenir!

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None of the gifts came with notes (or perhaps she lost them?), but I know who sent the shoes. I’m not 100% sure who sent the camera, but I have a pretty good idea.

~FIN~

Ch-ch-ch-ch-Changes!

Happy 2016 everyone! And happy Mardi Gras! It’s an early one this year…

I’m looking forward to lots of changes this year. Last year was full of changes for me–I moved, made my very first Real Adult Purchase, and experienced the sudden absence of someone very dear to me. Here’s hoping this year is full of new and exciting challenges (instead of dreary, stressful ones, heh).

And it seems to be panning out that way, with the exception of David Bowie’s departure from planet Earth and, presumably, his return to his home planet. He is a starman, after all…

Here are just a few of the cool things that have happened so far this year:

  • I got a new puppy! (My dog is a little miffed that she’s no longer the center of my world, but she likes the new pup anyway)
  • I learned how to change the ignitor/”glow-rod” (lol) on a gas oven!
  • I got a Mckenzie’s king cake and ate almost the whole thing!
  • I got rid of about 1/2 of my stuff and donated it to Bridge House‘s thrift store!
  • I’ve decided to formally expand my services to include domination / BDSM!
  • I got a “work phone” so that clients have another way to reach me when I neglect my email inbox (as I am unfortunately prone to doing when I’m busy with life). If we’ve met previously and you want my number, shoot me an email and I’ll give it to you. For the rest of you, my number will now be available once you’ve passed my screening/verification ;)

Help me out, guys! What would work better than “Calhoun”???

Alsoooooo, I’ve decided it’s time for a name change. I love my first name (Annie), but I’ve never really identified with “Calhoun.” I adopted that surname when I first started working because 1) I used to live on a street adjacent to Calhoun St. in New Orleans, and 2) “Calhoun” is the surname of a couple of New Orleans socialites a friend and I found especially clueless, haha. But I’ve never really felt like it was “my” last name, and though it’s served me well, I’ve lately felt more and more feel like I’ve grown out of it. I’ve considered many sexy alternatives: Mansfield, Minx, Marlowe, Harlow, West, Taylor, Davis, Bancroft (I really, really, REALLY want to be Mrs. Robinson when I grown up…), but I’m having trouble picking one, and I know I’ve thought of a zillion others. I just need someone to narrow it down for me!! Just give me your input, damnit! Help me readers, you’re my only hope! Tell me what sounds sexy!! It kind of reminds me of when I had to pick a name for my dog. I had a list of 57 candidates, and it took me forever to choose the right one, hahah. Thank God this puppy came with a name–the rescue I got her from had already named her, and it’s a name I like.

So…suggestions? You can comment anonymously below…

To clarify: I am NOT changing my first name. I just want to change my last name. Let’s just say I’m a young, sex-starved divorcée and I’ve decided to go back to my maiden name ;)

Change is good!

BTW, if you haven’t seen Duncan Jones’s (he’s David Bowie’s son, FYI) film Moon, you’re missing out. At least, if you’re one of my fellow sci-fi geek friends (and y’all know who you are…). And Kevin Spacey–who I find really, really hot–is in it, so that’s a treat. Watch it! It’s well worth it. You can thank me (or debate me?) later :)

More new pics! In new lingerie!!

Well, here are more new photos of me–this time in new lingerie! I wore a new bra and panty set for these pics :) I said I would do this today, and I’m a woman of my word, so with 7 minutes left before midnight, let’s see if I can get these pics uploaded…

 

So these were taken the same day as the ones my friend took of me in the shower, but she took these post-pancakes.  I’m terrible at posing, so she had to direct me.  We’ve decided we should do this more often so that I get used to it and learn how to be more creative in front of the camera.  Enjoy!

New Photos taken today!

Sooo a friend of mine came over this morning for pancakes, and we decided to take some photos. Mine were for all of you, and hers were for one lucky, very special boy (or maybe two!). I’m really tired of going through them all and trying to figure out which ones are the “best” ones, so I’m just gonna dump a bunch of them here. So, without further ado, here are a few pics my best friend took of me in the shower this morning, mere moments before we made pancakes:

Stay tuned! We also took some of me in a new lingerie set I got, but I don’t feel like messing with images and watermarks and all that anymore tonight. I’ll upload them tomorrow though…and I won’t be obscured behind a shower curtain, I promise.*

*Though the naughty bits will be partially obscured behind a really sexy bra & panty set. But maybe I’ll let you see what’s underneath if and when we meet ;P

Open Rant to SexWork Prohibitionists Everywhere

OK, I normally don’t show this side of myself here on my blog, but I think it would be disingenuous not to right now, given the recent (August 11th) announcement by Amnesty International that they now officially support decriminalization of all forms of sex work worldwide.  They’ve been discussing this for a while now, much to the chagrin of prostitution prohibitionist groups and the celebrities they’ve convinced to support them (under the guise of the “anti trafficking” cause).

Sidenote:  the term “sex worker” refers to anyone who works in the sex industry:  escorts and courtesans, exotic dancers, cam performers, porn actors/actresses, full service providers, professional companions, pro-dommes, street workers, sensual massage providers, phone sex operators, etc.  The term does not apply to people in the business who do not provide the actual services (strip club managers, porn producers, escort agency owners/managers, etc.).

Feminists?

As a sex worker and an activist, I often run into prohibitionists who are absolutely married to the idea that no woman would ever choose to engage in full service sex work, and that any woman who does engage in it is being exploited by a man–be it her “pimp” or her “john” (yes, they use those words, even though those words aren’t really in widespread use among sex workers themselves).  They see sex work as inherently exploitative to women, and they see women as victims in need of rescue.  I refuse to call these people feminists–anyone who insists on infantilizing women and denying them agency is not a feminist.  Anyone who refuses to help women by working to secure labor rights for all workers is not a feminist.  Anyone who advocates police brutality against and confinement of poverty-stricken women so that they can be “reeducated” and “rehabilitated” into sweatshop workers is. not. a. fucking. feminist.

“But what about the men?”

“But wait,” you say.  “What about male sex workers?  Are they being exploited, too?  And for that matter, what about trans girls (‘TS’ in the biz, or ‘T-girls’)?”

I can answer that in one (sort-of) word:  LOL.

Prohibitionists prefer to ignore the fact that men are also sex workers.  It doesn’t fit their neat, clean predator/victim paradigm.  As for trans women, well…most anti-prostitution prohibitionists don’t consider them women at all.  I’m not sure they even know that trans guys exist.

In their world, there are three kinds of people:

  1. heterosexual, male-assigned-at-birth men
  2. basically asexual female-assigned-at-birth women
  3. “enlightened” prostitution prohibitionists, er, “anti-trafficking activists”

Oh yeah, and then there’s us.  By “us” I mean the people who support sex workers rights, and the rights of all adults to have consensual sex–to share our bodies in one of the most basic, personal, human ways available to us.  This is a basic human right that people of all stripes have been fighting for for years (even in the US, there are states that still have anti-sodomy laws on the books!), and anyone with any sense of logic and/or justice supports that right…except for when it comes to women and the exchange of money, because it’s just plain easier to see the fairer sex as weak, naive, innocent, and pure than to acknowledge that adult women are sexual beings with agency and ideas, desires, needs, and goals independent of men.

The “Pimp Lobby”

And you know what the prohibitionists call us? The “Pimp Lobby.” Because they refuse to believe that we are speaking our minds, or that female providers would actually–gasp!–defend the rights of adults to engage in consensual sex, regardless of the reason. They actually believe that we are “lobbyists” for “pimps.” They believe “pimps” control us sexually, financially, and ideologically. They believe that we are paid or coerced by men to pretend we have chosen this work. I’m not sure how they explain all the research (with sound methodology even!) that points to full decriminalization being the best approach, but I guess denial is a powerful thing. Powerful enough to convince prohibitionists to ignore evidence and soldier on with their mission to force a moralistic view that results in harm to real people.

…Or maybe they don’t really believe it.  Maybe that’s just their way of convincing people to ignore us. Maybe that’s their way of persuading the public to completely disregard what is said by the people actually doing this type of labor–the very people these prohibitionists spend time and energy ostensibly trying to “protect”–since we don’t, in fact, want or need what they say we do.  Pretty sinister.

So yes, you could say I’ve got a lot of pent-up anger for these people.  Especially since they refuse to listen to sex workers who speak out, and instead insist that our voices don’t count because we’re the privileged ones, the exceptions to the rule of poor imprisoned girls who are raped multiple times a day for their pimp’s profit.  Nevermind the illogical nature of this claim (Where are these millions of imprisoned girls?  Why are they never found?  And are there really that many men willing to pay to rape a woman?  As far as I know, the vast majority of rapists just rape–they’re not going to pay another man for something they can do for free.).

“I’m not a sex worker, but I played one in a movie once…”

Anyway, so on an article about all the Hollywood celebrities (some of whom played prostitutes in movies!  So, ya know, they know all about the reality of sex work) who signed an open letter penned by CATW International urging Amnesty International not to adopt any policy that supports the full decriminalization of the sex industry, one particularly stubborn person in the comments section posted a link to a document titled “Prostitution Statistics,” referring to it as “cold, hard facts” (good lord, please take a research methods course, stat):

(Update: As of December 2016, the University of Hawaii has removed that document from their website. It appears that happened sometime within the last year–I don’t want to flatter myself, but I kinda hope someone on their web admin team noticed the sudden uptick in links to that page, which appeared to be nothing more than some undergrad’s improperly-sourced, slapped-together assignment. Too bad they didn’t do that before it was cited as a legitimate source by various nonprofits all over the internet. Still, if you’re interested, here’s an archived copy of it via the Wayback Machine.)

I couldn’t help myself.  I went on a rant and couldn’t stop, and it became a rant to every and any of these people I’ve encountered or will encounter EVER.  And here it is:

Oh, honey…those are not “facts,” much less cold, hard ones.

I’m sorry, this is going to sound incredibly condescending, but what’s your education level? Because no one who knows a damn thing about research would post that link in an attempt to gain footing in an argument. That looks like an undergrad’s report on prostitution, sourced entirely from hooker rescue projects and modern “white slavery” hysteria. How the hell would they even come up with “Most prostitutes have been victimized, at some point in their lives, by sexual violence. More than 90% suffered childhood sexual abuse…” What? And really, why would that be the focus of anyone’s research? What would that accomplish? How would that help anyone? Sex workers don’t need to justify their reasons for engaging in consensual sex; their government needs to justify its reasons for criminalizing consensual sex between adults.

And this: “At least 2/3 of prostitutes began working in prostitution before the age of 16” has been thoroughly debunked. The origins of that (and other similar “stats” you’ll hear, like “The average age of entry into prostitution is between 12 and 14”) are hard to track down, but as far as we can tell, they originate from a survey done in the early 80s with a very small sample size of participants taken exclusively from a program that worked with minors who had exchanged money for sexual services. As in, everyone participating in the survey was under 18, because that’s who the program/facility was there to serve. And then they averaged those numbers, claimed they were representative of the experiences of sex workers in general, or someone else misunderstood them. So the highest possible age of entry would be 17. Of course the average would be low. They never asked any adult sex workers their age of entry. And the media, law enforcement, advocacy groups, and people like you have been running with that number for 30 fucking years.

What you don’t understand is that your view of sex workers shows a fundamental disrespect for women. When someone’s oppressed, you don’t help them by infantilizing them; you help them by arming them with rights, and by supporting them in their fight for those rights. You don’t want people to be exploited for their labor? You support them in their fight for labor rights, fair pay, legal protection, etc. I said it before, but maybe you didn’t catch it: no one gives a shit about all the human trafficking going on in agriculture, fishing, construction, and hotel housekeeping companies, but let’s say they did. You don’t want women slaving away, cleaning hundreds of toilets for 18 hours a day, while their boss holds their papers and their paychecks, all to pay some “debt” to a “job recruiter”? Let’s talk about immigration policy. Let’s talk about fair wages and labor laws. That’s what we’re talking about, after all: exploiting sex workers for their sexual labor. You don’t want women to have to have sex with men they don’t want to have sex with and then be forced to hand over their earnings to an abusive “pimp”? Fine. Decriminalize their work so that they don’t need “protection” (in the form of an abusive man who makes them work all day and takes their money) from police. And decriminalize their clients so they don’t need “protection” from, say, a man who can rest assured his victim won’t go to police to report him, and even if she did, she wouldn’t know his name, anyway. When your work and your clients aren’t criminalized, you can easily “screen” your clients before meeting with them—your client won’t be afraid to disclose identifying info because he’s not afraid of being arrested for meeting with you. You can also employ a bodyguard or driver without your client freaking out and thinking you’ve brought some dude there to kick his ass and rob him (because, when you and your client are not committing a criminal act, you can assume that both of you are law-abiding citizens, especially if you’ve screened him in advance), and without you AND said bodyguard/driver fearing that cops will mistake him for a “pimp.”

I understand you’re fighting what you think is the good fight. Apparently, at some point in your life, you joined up with some rescue project and did some “work” that seemed incredibly important and life-affirming to you at the time. I don’t want to take that away from you—for all I know, you helped some people. But if you care about justice in the world, you will continue to educate yourself about the issues you claim to care about, no matter how much it hurts to find out you’re wrong. Decrim is the safest thing for all of us. Not just me (or other women you dismiss as “too privileged” to know anything about the business we’ve worked in for years). For ALL of us.

There is no dichotomy of “happy hooker” and “sex slave forced to endure rape for someone else’s profit.” This topic is incredibly complex and nuanced. No, not everyone enjoys sex work. No, not everyone finds it empowering. No, not everyone would choose something else were it available (I wouldn’t). Yes, some of us were sexually abused as children (as were many teachers, lawyers, home makers, doctors, social workers, etc…). Yes, some of us started very young (though most of us start when we’re in our 30s or 40s). The point is that it doesn’t matter what our individual situations are, criminalization hurts ALL of us. And yes, that includes the Nordic model.

I get where you’re coming from, though. When I first started working, I heard about the Nordic model, and honestly, I thought it sounded pretty damn good. I hadn’t been working long enough to understand how the business really works, and I sure as hell hadn’t discovered the sex workers’ rights movement. I was still indoctrinated with the media images and the statistics gleaned from sloppy, often unethical research. I didn’t have a “pimp,” and I didn’t know anyone who did, but I still assumed that the vast majority of sex workers were being forced to fuck dozens of men a day while some evil bastard kept their money and beat them for fun. So yeah, the Nordic model sounded awesome. Put those evil, money-grubbing fuckers in jail!

While I didn’t have a “pimp,” when I first started escorting, I did have a “manager.” He was the guy who answered the phone and directed clients to one of the 10 or 15 girls at the agency. We set our own prices, and we spent as many hours as we wanted with each client. We sent him $100 for each client he referred to us. I didn’t even meet him in person until maybe 3 months after I started working for him, and by then I was already preparing to strike out on my own as an independent.

Did you catch the fact that my manager would have counted as one of those “evil, money-grubbing fuckers” I imagined getting their due via the Nordic Model? I didn’t. Did you catch that I was, if you go by the definition of the loudest voices in this conversation, a “trafficking victim”? I didn’t catch that, either. I would NEVER claim to be one, but by THEIR definition—one of the many absurd ways prostitution prohibitionists define “trafficked”—I was a trafficking victim. They count all third parties as traffickers. If you are a sex worker helping to support your unemployed/unemployable/just f-in broke partner, non-minor child, or other adult family member who lives with you, that person can be considered a trafficker. If you are a migrant worker who voluntarily crosses borders to work independently, you are counted as a trafficking victim.

Soon after that, I realized how wrong I was. But I admit I had a weird, visceral reaction to letting go of my “Jail the pimps!! Go after them!” position. I sort of wanted to cling to it. I don’t know why. Did I enjoy the boogeyman simplicity? Maybe. Or was I just trying to avoid the feeling of finding out I’d been had? I’m not sure. But I guess that’s what happens when you learn more about a subject, and you realize that the facts contradict what you’ve always thought to be true—what sources you’ve trusted have always told you was true.

And the longer I’ve been in the biz, and the longer I’ve been an activist for sex workers’ rights, the more I’ve learned. There’s tons of data. There’s a reason Amnesty International, the World Health Organization and the Global Alliance Against Traffic in Women support us. And honestly, if you were to work in this business, you’d understand that common sense supports us.

The truth is, this is a very, very old problem steeped in racism and xenophobia. In the 1910s they referred to it as White Slavery (see the Mann Act), and now it’s sex trafficking. Nevermind the fact that there are more than enough willing sex workers that there’s really no need to force women into it (I hate talking about supply and demand, because it’s so much more complex than that, but in the simplest of terms, the supply already meets the demand. Trust me, usually people are whining about how they aren’t getting enough business). And nevermind the fact that, even if supply didn’t meet demand, people don’t want to pay to have sex with someone who doesn’t want to have sex with them. Rapists don’t pay to rape people; rapists just rape. But we cling to this idea that there are zillions of women all over the world being kidnapped, drugged, and forced into prostitution while men profit. Why, even though the numbers (upon inspection, and not just taken at face value) show us that this isn’t true? Well, because a lot of people have a vested interest in keeping this moral panic alive. Follow the money: it usually leads to those pushing an agenda centered on female “purity,” or those who are directly profiting, i.e., the rescue industry (Hey there, Somaly Mam!).

Please, please just stop talking about this until you’ve taken the time to listen to sex workers all over the world (Even in Eastern Europe and SE Asia!). Because you know the way you feel about your perspective? Like it’s a desperate situation and you have to fight, fight, fight for those who are in danger, are suffering injustices, and have far less privilege than you do? Yeah, that’s how I feel, too. Except people listen to you, and I’m the one who will have to deal with the consequences. They hurt me, they hurt my friends, and they hurt people all over the world every day. You’ll be able to walk away thinking you accomplished something, score 1 for the good guys, etc., and you’ll never have to look back, and you’ll never have to fully comprehend the mess you’ve made. And you’ll leave us to clean up, and then you’ll wonder why we’re so fucking angry with you.

BTW, it may not please you to know that sex workers in poor, “developing” countries can and do organize for their rights, but it’s true! And look what they have to say about decrim! Listen to them!)

And here’s more on “supply” and “demand,” in case it interests you. Here’s one on myths about sex trafficking and sex work (mostly about the Olympics, the World Cup, the Superbowl, and other major sports events being huge attractions for sex traffickers, etc., but there’s a lot of other good stuff in there, too) I found pretty fascinating too when I first got started on my mission to kick ass and take names until hookers all over the world are free to hook safely.

And here’s a flippin’ awesome rant about the rescue industry and two of the biggest figures in it (Nikolas Kristoff and Somaly Mam).

*

And of course I got no response.  I never do.


#rightsnotrescue

Via Ava Grace in Brisbane:



And here’s a little bit of perfection from Ava St. Claire:

More unexpected kindness and generosity from clients…

image

I came home a couple weeks ago (I know, I know, I’m really behind on blogging) to find these gifts had arrived in the mail. Upon closer inspection, I discovered that they were from an incredibly sweet client I’ve been corresponding with.

Just in case you can’t see in the image: it’s John Fowles’s The French Lieutenant’s Woman, and herb garden seeds that I had just added to my Amazon wish list. What a nice surprise. And I have the perfect sunny window for an herb garden in my new place :) I’ll take pics when they start looking like actual herbs, lol.

Oh! And if you get a chance, and you’re so inclined, please show some kindness and generosity to the woman in Charleston, WV who shot and killed Neal Falls (a man now thought to be a serial killer responsible for the deaths of at least 9 escorts) in self defense.
(Update: Fundraiser now over, thanks!!)

It was like Christmas morning…

Just one example of some of the amazing generosity I’ve been on the receiving end of lately:

Presents for me!  Good ol' "St. Nick" brought me the following presents:  Pink Fendi bag, portable Bose speaker, Tom Ford Black Orchid set of eau de parfum and "hydrating emulsion" (or, as we plebes call it, lotion, lol) a book, and, of course, wine. <3 Good ol’ “St. Nick” brought me the following presents: Pink Fendi bag, portable Bose speaker, Tom Ford Black Orchid set of eau de parfum and “hydrating emulsion” (or, as we plebes call it, lotion, lol) a book (John Fowles’s The Magus), and, of course, wine. <3[/caption] I swear, it was like Christmas morning. And it was all such a surprise! I really wasn't expecting all of this, but I will admit it was a nice way to start a date ;) This is from way back on June 29th. I can't believe this month has gone by so fast. And I've received so many gifts in the mail from so many of you since then, it's made moving into my new place an absolute joy. If I haven't thanked you individually, please contact me, because that was either an oversight, or your gift never made it to me. I would never purposely not show my appreciation for a gift received, and if I didn't receive it, I would really, really like for you to know that so that you can get your money back. Anyway, I hate to say "it's the thought that counts," because that's a cliche, but what it all boils down to is (hahahah, see what I did there?): it warms my heart that you're thinking of me, and that you think highly enough of me to take time out of your day to bring happiness into mine. Thank you so much, all of you, for the gifts, for the time, and for your presence in my life.

Ohhhhh my gosh…I have so much to tell y’all…

Ok so…I know I’ve been MIA, and I feel really, really terrible about that. I have so many amazing and fun and intriguing and wonderful and generous friends, and I’ve really neglected you, and I’m sorry. You’ve wined and dined me, you’ve shared yourselves with me, and you’ve sent me marvelous gifts, and I PROMISE I really, really am grateful. I should have thanked each one of you personally by now, but I admit, I’ve been a bad, bad girl.

But wait! I have an excuse!!! Well, sort of.

As some of you know, the past few months have been a bit trying for me, as I’ve been toiling away at my latest Grand Endeavor (one which I hope I never, ever, ever need to revisit)…buying a house!!!

Yep, a lot has changed in the past few months. I’m in a new place–my own place–and although the whole process has been one struggle after another, I think I’m finally settling in (along with a few of my girlfriends, who suddenly decided to “take a break” from their relationships the moment I had a sweet place for them to crash, which is kind of hot, I must admit…). Anyway, I’d love to explain my trials and tribulations and triumphs further with each of you one-on-one, so I hope to see you soon! For now, let me show you what an utter mess I’m currently in. A picture is worth a thousand words, right?

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This is my room, as of a few days ago. Basically, it’s a mattress on the floor, surrounded by…stuff. And it hasn’t progressed much since then.

I must admit that I haven’t been keeping up with my email, nor have I been checking private messages on boards, etc. If you’ve known me for a while, you know that this happens occasionally, and it’s nothing personal. I’m just plain crap at multitasking when something huge is going on.

That said, I need to try harder. I’m so lucky to have such beautiful people in my life who care for me and who think highly enough of me that they’re moved to bestow such lovely gifts upon me :) I’m going to try harder, I promise.

In my defense, I haven’t been discriminatory. You may take comfort in the fact that I’ve neglected myself almost as much as I’ve been neglecting you. A few examples: I am in dire need of a haircut. Up until a few days ago, I hadn’t been to yoga in well over a month, and I hadn’t seen the inside of a gym in…probably…at least two months (yes, this weekend was filled with pain). And I haven’t been writing, which, for me, is a necessary component of healthy living. You might also take comfort in the fact that all I have to open this gorgeous bottle of wine (a gift from a very sweet client) is a crappy cheapo wine opener.

…and I just broke the cork.

You know, for all my whining, I have to remind myself that I have it pretty good. Despite the fact that my house is a wreck, and I have no idea where a ton of my daily necessities are, here I sit, on a Sunday night, drinking a delicious glass of wine and writing a blog post that (I hope) will be read by some of my favorite people.

If anything, it could always be worse. I could be the young woman seated across the table from me at the moment: one of my best friends, who is studying for the bar exam (I’ve been quizzing her all weekend). Then again, she doesn’t have it so bad–she’s drinking wine with me!

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(see bit of cork floating in said wine)

So, thanks for making things interesting. Here’s to all of you, and especially to you–you know who you are ;)

<3 Annie