Mea Culpa Mea Culpa Mea Maxima Culpa – Old House Woes

Really bad drywood termite damage and rot in a wall of my historic home

Y’all, I am so sorry I’ve been MIA. I’m gonna be honest here–I haven’t even opened my email inbox in like a week. I feel terrible about this. And the worst thing is, I received such nice gifts over the past week–a Dyson vacuum (OMG OMG OMG I have finally achieved the level of luxury of which I’ve always dreamed!!!), a rain barrel for my backyard (yay water conservation!), an absolutely adorable pair of boots that I can’t wait to wear (pics coming soon, once my legs are suitable for photographing), and something else that I haven’t allowed myself to open yet because I first need apologize for being MIA. So. I am really, really, really sorry for my absence and whatever frustration and inconvenience I may have caused due to my failure to read, much less respond to, my emails in several days. I hope you can forgive me.

You may be wondering WTF I’ve been doing that prevented me from spending a measly little hour or three each day corresponding with clients and potential clients. Well. It’s a long-ish story (isn’t it always?).

First, I got the fantastic idea to clear out the storage room/shed/laundry room in the back of my house. If you don’t know already, I bought a historic home in New Orleans (my hometown) about a year and a half ago. The majority of houses in NOLA are pretty old, so I had experience dealing with the quirks of old houses as a renter. If you’ve ever lived in an older home (I don’t mean a mid-century ranch; I mean a house that’s about 100 years old or more), then you know that they’re a pain in the ass. And I knew this one was going to be a pain in the ass when I first walked through the front door. But, never one to choose the easier option, I fell in love with it and bought it anyway.

So yeah, I decided to clean out this back storage room. And while I was doing that, I figured I might as well move the washer and dryer to a place where they made more sense, even though it meant I’d have to re-do some plumbing stuff. So, I started on that…while also still cleaning out the storage room. Of course this just added to the chaos, but I was still ready and raring to go! So full of vim and vigor! So optimistic! And enjoying all the pain and sweat and filth involved!

dirty girl  3-19-17
You should have seen this outfit by the end of the day…

I’m pretty sure this room qualifies as what’s called a “historic addition”–an add-on to the original house that someone slapped on a long, long time ago. And my house, like houses in many of the oldest neighborhoods in New Orleans, has suffered neglect for the past several decades. As I was throwing things away, wiping down shelves, and moving things around, I realized one wall felt particularly…flimsy.

So, I started pulling down the badly-installed, ugly sheetrock that someone nailed onto the studs sometime in the past 10 or 15 years, and found…

Really bad drywood termite damage and rot in a wall of my historic home
Yep, this sucker’s done for.

…really bad drywood termite damage and rot, all throughout the wall. It’s gonna need to be rebuilt.

That was, of course, a bit of a blow. I hunted for the little buggers, but this appears to be old damage from an old infestation that is no longer active, thank God. But just to be sure, I ordered termiticide and applied it to this portion of the house.

To cheer myself up, I decided to go hunting for the original fireplace in my kitchen. There’s a fireplace in the room on the other side, and if you look up into the chimney you can tell it’s joined up with another behind it. The wall bumps out awkwardly in the kitchen, so I’ve always figured the old fireplace was still there. So I started digging, first at the baseboards, then through a couple layers of plywood, until a little avalanche of dirt fell and I saw brick. Woo hoo! I can’t wait to uncover the whole thing and repair it. I think it’ll look pretty cool. I didn’t take any pics because damn, it looks really gross. There’s decades of dirt and grime in that wall. I’m kind of scared to uncover it alone right now because I’ve heard old fireplaces can collapse on people and man, that would be a stupid way to go. Anyway, at least now I had something to look forward to.

So, I went back to the termite wall. The more I thought about it, the more I wondered if the termites had moved on to greener pastures (or more intact 2-by-4s, as it were). One of the walls perpendicular to this one was free of sheetrock and I could see that the studs, etc. were fine. But the sheetrock nailed to the one across from that one–a wall that had once been the exterior wall of the house–made me suspicious. So, I started ripping it down, and I found…

Hidden window

A window!!! Bet you thought I was gonna say “more termites,” huh? Well, I didn’t find any, but I’m having a pro come in anyway. The point is, I have a window I didn’t know about (but kind of suspected, once I had decided to pull the sheetrock down). So at some point this year, I’m takin’ my window back, y’all.



hidden window - my house has a window I didn't know about!
It’s a really weird size, though. Different than all the other windows in the house.
hidden window - my house has a window I didn't know about!
I promise, it’s gonna look really cool when I’m done!



It still looks pretty gross right now, but I promise it’ll be great when I’m done. I need to clean up and repaint the old siding (I’m going to leave it exposed because I think it’ll look a hell of a lot better than sheetrock, plus it maintains some of the historic integrity of the house), and then I’m gonna remove the kitchen cabinets from the other side of that wall and put a window in. That way, my kitchen will look out onto an enclosed porch (it will no longer be a storage/junk room). Oh, and that window will be straight across from my kitchen fireplace, which won’t be hiding behind a stove anymore.

So, it’s been over a week of maintenance, cleaning, assessing damage resulting from years of neglect (grumble grumble), and coming up with various plans to undo some of the “remuddling (a term I’m stealing from this guy, whose blog is awesome, btw) that’s been inflicted upon this poor house over the past century. As it turns out, it’s a pretty difficult (and expensive) task. Ah, if only some moron hadn’t replaced most of the house’s original windows with cheaper windows held up by plastic spring-tension thingies sometime in the 80s–or, for that matter, completely ripped out and walled over the back window, which doesn’t appear to be a standard size. If only they hadn’t decided that drop ceilings were a good idea. If only they hadn’t paved over the brick courtyard/backyard. If only they hadn’t made an awkward mess of the front of the house by bricking over the original facade and the two floor-to-ceiling windows it had.

“Old buildings are not ours. They belong, partly to those who built them, and partly to the generations of mankind who are to follow us.
The dead still have their right in them: That which they labored for … we have no right to obliterate.
What we ourselves have built, we are at liberty to throw down. But what other men gave their strength, and wealth, and life to accomplish, their right over it does not pass away with their death…”

~ John Ruskin 1849

It’s like somebody slapped a coat of spray paint on a Model T and hung a pair of Truck Nutz on the back. And then they snapped off the hood ornament and threw it in the river. And then added hydraulics.

It might take me a really long time, but I’m gonna leave this house in a much better state than what I found it.

I’ve already filled up like 15-20 contractor bags, just in the past several days. And I have to say, as badass and competent and powerful as all this physical labor makes me feel…

I’m over it. I’m ready to feel pretty and sexy again. And I’d kill for a glass of wine and some conversation with someone other than the dogs.

Ever hear of the Baby Dolls of Mardi Gras? Or Black Storyville?

Some of you might know that one of my personal goals is to never, ever stop learning (this is why I sometimes need to schedule dates around classes I’m taking, even though I’ve finished school).  And some of you might also know that I love local history, especially the history of the “adult professions” in New Orleans. I’ve written a bit about the era of Storyville in New Orleans.

Storyville was the red-light district of New Orleans between 1897 and 1917, and it was just across Rampart Street from the French Quarter. Of course, the “ladies of the evening” had been working in that neighborhood long before then, and its closure didn’t stop them–as Martin Behrman famously stated upon learning that the Navy had ordered the district shut down, “You can make it illegal, but you can’t make it unpopular.” Storyville is, of course, a fascinating topic, and it’s a neverending source of subject matter for a variety of stories and films set in New Orleans, both fiction and nonfiction. But it isn’t the end-all be-all, even for its time period. It’s actually just a small part of the story.

New Orleans is a diverse city, and it always has been. In Storyville, white gentlemen could visit white, black, or creole “ladies of the evening” in small rooms they’d rent called “cribs.” But Black men weren’t allowed to visit these ladies Storyville. In fact, Black men in Storyville were usually there to perform as musicians–they weren’t allowed to play, as it were, with the ladies of Storyville, but they could play for them and their clients.

So, what was a Black gentleman to do? Well, just uptown there was a neighborhood called “Black Storyville” where he could find a lady willing to spend a little time with him for a price. It wasn’t technically legal (like it was in Storyville), but officials turned a blind eye.

A sort of Mardi Gras rivalry between the ladies of Storyville and the ladies of Black Storyville developed, and the Baby Dolls tradition grew out of that.

Book by Kim Marie Vaz - The Baby Dolls
And lucky me! Knowing how much I love local history (especially parts of it that aren’t so well-known), one of my sweet clients bought me a book all about it: The “Baby Dolls”: Breaking the Race and Gender Barriers of the New Orleans Mardi Gras Tradition, by Kim Marie Vaz of Xavier University of Louisiana and published by LSU Press.

It’s a really fun and fascinating read about a subject most people don’t know much about. Highly recommended to anyone who’s interested in learning more about the history of New Orleans, and much appreciated by me. So thank you–you know who you are ;)

Story Time! ~ Annie and The Case of the Missing Gifts

Story time!!!

So, here’s a little story about something that happened way back in 2015.

As many of you know, I moved in early 2015. Well, when I did, I changed the address on my Amazon account, and I assumed that meant the address on my wishlist was changed, too. Nope.

Long story short, right after I realized my error, I saw that 3 items had been purchased from my wishlist: a camera in April and two pairs of shoes. And where were those packages containing generous gifts from my clients delivered to? Yep, my old house.

The next day I was in the neighborhood having a drink with a friend, so I decided to stop by my old place on the way home and ask about my packages. When I knocked on the door a woman answered, and I asked if she had received any packages for Annie. She looked kind of alarmed, then embarrassed, and then she said “Um…hold on…” and shut the door and left me standing on the porch for a few minutes. When she finally returned she said, “Yeah, um…I have your shoes, but I opened the boxes, and…um…well, um–hey, do you want to come in for a drink?”

Of course I accepted, because why the fuck not?

So I’m sitting on her (formerly my) living room floor, drinking her wine, and she’s trying to explain to me why the packages are open, but I’m pretty sure I know. She got someone else’s packages, and since she had no idea how to get in touch with that person, she said “fuck it,” and opened them. I get it. I told her it was totally cool, and curiosity probably would have gotten the better of me, too. She said she was glad I had showed up on her (formerly my) porch because she was having a moral dilemma about what to do with these super cute shoes that were her exact size but that weren’t meant for her. Anyway, hilarity ensued, and we hung out for like 4 hours drinking wine.

At some point her boyfriend came home, and she took me up to her room (the upstairs bedroom, which you can see in my videos…well you could, until YouTube deleted them, because sitting on a bed fully clothed while unwrapping presents is against their prudish policies, I guess). She told me she wanted to hang out with me, but without him, so we went back to the bar for a bit, and then then back to her (formerly my) place again. Her boyfriend was still home, so she found some excuse to show me something upstairs again, and when I got up there, I realized why she was so keen to get me alone.

If she couldn’t steal my shoes, she was gonna steal my heart, I guess.

It was a little awkward, and her boyfriend started calling up the stairs to see what we were up to (I guess he was suspicious), so no, we didn’t get very far. But it was a great ending to an interesting night, and it made for a funny story ;)

So, without further ado, here are the shoes:

 

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It’s actually really hard to take pics of your own shoes, y’all.

And the camera, with which I have taken several dirty polaroid pictures so far ;) Ask me to bring one to our next meeting if you want a souvenir!

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None of the gifts came with notes (or perhaps she lost them?), but I know who sent the shoes. I’m not 100% sure who sent the camera, but I have a pretty good idea.

~FIN~

More unexpected kindness and generosity from clients…

image

I came home a couple weeks ago (I know, I know, I’m really behind on blogging) to find these gifts had arrived in the mail. Upon closer inspection, I discovered that they were from an incredibly sweet client I’ve been corresponding with.

Just in case you can’t see in the image: it’s John Fowles’s The French Lieutenant’s Woman, and herb garden seeds that I had just added to my Amazon wish list. What a nice surprise. And I have the perfect sunny window for an herb garden in my new place :) I’ll take pics when they start looking like actual herbs, lol.

Oh! And if you get a chance, and you’re so inclined, please show some kindness and generosity to the woman in Charleston, WV who shot and killed Neal Falls (a man now thought to be a serial killer responsible for the deaths of at least 9 escorts) in self defense.
(Update: Fundraiser now over, thanks!!)

It was like Christmas morning…

Just one example of some of the amazing generosity I’ve been on the receiving end of lately:

Presents for me!  Good ol' "St. Nick" brought me the following presents:  Pink Fendi bag, portable Bose speaker, Tom Ford Black Orchid set of eau de parfum and "hydrating emulsion" (or, as we plebes call it, lotion, lol) a book, and, of course, wine. <3 Good ol’ “St. Nick” brought me the following presents: Pink Fendi bag, portable Bose speaker, Tom Ford Black Orchid set of eau de parfum and “hydrating emulsion” (or, as we plebes call it, lotion, lol) a book (John Fowles’s The Magus), and, of course, wine. <3[/caption] I swear, it was like Christmas morning. And it was all such a surprise! I really wasn't expecting all of this, but I will admit it was a nice way to start a date ;) This is from way back on June 29th. I can't believe this month has gone by so fast. And I've received so many gifts in the mail from so many of you since then, it's made moving into my new place an absolute joy. If I haven't thanked you individually, please contact me, because that was either an oversight, or your gift never made it to me. I would never purposely not show my appreciation for a gift received, and if I didn't receive it, I would really, really like for you to know that so that you can get your money back. Anyway, I hate to say "it's the thought that counts," because that's a cliche, but what it all boils down to is (hahahah, see what I did there?): it warms my heart that you're thinking of me, and that you think highly enough of me to take time out of your day to bring happiness into mine. Thank you so much, all of you, for the gifts, for the time, and for your presence in my life.

First Video Blog (Vlog?) Post!

(thanks to a certain lovely gentleman for making this post possible)

Well, I made good on my promise–I recorded my first video blog post yesterday! And I opened the mystery golden rectangle to reveal…well, I guess you’ll just have to watch the video. It’s SFW (as in Safe For Work, meaning it’s G-Rated), though I know some of you would probably prefer otherwise, haha. But I’m an escort, not a porn star…though, when it comes to future careers, I guess I wouldn’t totally rule that one out…

I came up with a low-tech solution for the whole “I probably shouldn’t broadcast my face all over the internet” problem: I simply kept my head out of the frame. This worked out fine right up until I started talking and forgot to sit still, haha. I added a blur, which works for now, but I’d like to find an easier way. Maybe next time I’ll wear a really creepy clown mask and lacy lingerie (kidding, kidding).

By the way–this is a BIG step for me, y’all. I am a huge cameraphobe, and as I’m sure you can tell in the video, I get pretty nervous when there’s a camera on me. But I promised I would do it, so I did. That’s how much I love y’all, hahah.

Maybe if I do a bunch of these, I’ll lose the virtual “stage fright”…

Anyway, here it is:
Continue reading “First Video Blog (Vlog?) Post!”

Today I’m Thankful for Being Spoiled.


Ok so a week ago I noticed that one of you (I’m not naming names, but you know who you are!) had quietly bought me a $500 Amazon Gift Card off my Wishlist several days prior, and I hadn’t even noticed. I thanked him personally, of course, right when I noticed it, and I’ve been working hard at spending that money. But I haven’t mentioned it here yet because I actually didn’t want to write a blog post about it. See, I had this magnificent plan to make a video blog post and show y’all all the stuff I got. That would be fun, right? Also, it would reassure any potential new friends that:

  • Yes, I do exist.
  • Yes, I am the girl in the photos.
  • No, I haven’t gained 200 lbs and a decade of life experience since they were taken.

Well, I’ve run into a couple roadblocks. First off, I haven’t spent all the money yet, and I am slow about making purchases, especially online purchases, because I like to read the product reviews. Also, I’m not exactly sure how I’m going to make a video blog post while also maintaining my anonymity, and I haven’t come up with a creative solution to that yet.

And then, just now, the mail came, and here’s what I found…

Mystery surprise gift from a sweet client - November 26th 2014
Surprise!!! It’s a gold rectangle!!!

I haven’t unwrapped it, and I haven’t checked to see who it’s from. And I haven’t cheated by checking my account to see if the answer’s in there, either. Nope, I’m challenging myself to put my money where my…um, no, that’s gross…hmmm….I’m challenging myself to make good on my plan. I will NOT open this gift until I have a video camera rolling and I’m ready to post the finished product on my blog.

And I am super impatient and REALLY excited to see what this mysterious rectangular surprise gift is, so I promise, that will be soon.

In the meantime, thank you for the lovely gift, whoever you are…but mostly, thanks for thinking of me!

edit: I made a video! Here it is:

The UPS Man Brought Me a Gift…Again!

I’m pretty overwhelmed by the sheer generosity I’ve been the recipient of lately.

This arrived the other day:

I got a gift - a surprise Webcam!!  :)
I got a gift – a surprise Webcam!! :)

Someone sent me a surprise webcam!! I’m not gonna say who. But I will say this: he’s smart and sweet and he’s spoiling me already <3 So, thank you! Thank you thank you thank you! Gracias and Merci and Grazie and Danke! You know who you are ;) (I kept it a secret for a few days because I wanted to have something to post this week, haha.)

Oh no!! I’ve got The Plague!!

Camus - The Plague

I’ve got The Plague!! And it’s on my boobs! Why meeeee???

…Oh. Maybe this is why.

Ok, so which one of y’all gave me The Plague?

Just kidding. I know which one of you it was. Thank you! And, while I appreciate your aversion to snobbishness, I can assure you that, unless you had used subject pronouns as object pronouns (or committed an equally terrible offense), I wouldn’t have judged you to be a snob. But I would like to hear your take on the book. Maybe after I finish reading it?

Thanks again for thinking of me ;)

Oh! And Happy French Quarter Fest to all my local clients and friends. Keep an eye out and you might just see me there…

Another Gift!! And What a Perfectly Perplexing Present it is!

I received a gift (again, a surprise!) from one of my now-favorite (we’ve met twice since) clients the other day:

Luigi Serafini's Codex Seraphinianus - a gift from one of New Orleans escort Annie Calhoun's favorite clients ;)
Luigi Serafini’s Codex Seraphinianus

It’s Luigi-Serafini’s Codex Seraphinianus. I had it on my Amazon Wishlist for a while, but I never expected anyone to actually choose this, of all things! I’m so glad he did, though. I think it is the perfect addition to the other books on my coffee table: Bellocq’s Storyville Portraits and this coffee table book about Catholic churches in New Orleans. I love watching people’s faces when they sit down and idly flip through the pages of each, speculating on my choice to display these three books so prominently in my living room, and wondering what in the world that says about me, hahaha.

I love Codex Seraphinianus because it’s such a weird book, and I guess it’s only really a book in the strictest sense of the word. It’s more like a piece of art in book form. Continue reading “Another Gift!! And What a Perfectly Perplexing Present it is!”

The most lovely surprise…



So I’ve been thinking that I should blog more often, and it just so happens that a topic arrived at my doorstep the other day.

The problem is, I didn’t recognize it for what it was. Upon returning from the gym, I found a smallish, unassuming package wrapped in cardboard. I brought it inside, placed it on my desk, and a bee-line for the (much needed) shower. Because I order things online often, I receive a few packages a week, so I’m never surprised to find one waiting for me.

I had a vague idea that it might be a new dog toy I’d ordered off of amazon, and since my dog is pretty spoiled, giving her a new gift/presenting her with a new present (sorry, I couldn’t help myself) wasn’t a priority. But I didn’t realize that this particular package contained something special until last night, when I finally opened it and found… Continue reading “The most lovely surprise…”

A Long-Awaited Escort-Client Private Party

I had the sweetest client the other night. After emailing back and forth a few times over the past couple months, we finally met…and he had something of a surprise waiting for me…

First I saw this, and I didn’t think anything of it…

New Orleans Escort Annie Calhoun

…and then I saw this:

Annie Calhoun - Escort in New Orleans - Appointment with client

He decorated his room at Le Richelieu Hotel and we had our own escort/client private party ;)

And to top it off, he also got me a book!

HR Mencken - Client Gift

I <3 my clients!

Accolades, Fan Mail, and Praise

I’ve been thinking of doing this for a while. I occasionally receive gifts and/or flattering emails from readers of my blog. Some are potential or former clients; some are simply folks who either stumbled upon my site accidentally while perusing other sites or found it while searching for tell-all blogs full of racy stories written by professional companions (if you read this blog regularly, you know that’s not what they found here, haha).

Sometimes I feel like when I’m writing this blog I’m sending posts out into a void: a vast and empty space on the internet where no one actually reads anything, they simply click around in search of free photos and spammable email addresses. And because I rarely receive comments (hint, hint–I love comments, people. I even have it set so that you can leave them anonymously, jeez.), it’s easy to convince myself more and more often that that is the case. So, it’s always nice when someone drops me a line to let me know I’m wrong ;)

Anyway, these generous gifts and thoughtful emails always brighten my day (or week, as it were). And, ya know, I don’t want to brag…well, yes I do. So, I thought I’d share a few with you.

Fan Mail

November 2012

I would be ashamed to admit how many courtesan/escort websites I have
perused (and admittedly judged). You have done a magnificent job of
arranging yours. It is one of the few that I’ve seen that is FUN to
explore. From the alluring photos that make you a very desirable woman
to trying to guess where the photos taken, it rates as one of the
best. Your personality flows from page to page.

When I sent the link to my girlfriend, her reply was “She’s Funny!”.
High praise from someone who is difficult to impress.

_______

October 2012

Folks…If you are looking for a young lady who is sexy and well educated, then Annie is a must see in New Orleans.from TER

October 2012

Hi Annie! :)

My name’s ____…and no, this isn’t what you think. I am a hobbyist and have more than a few references that can vouch for what kind of gentleman I am…

in (city that’s really far away from New Orleans)!

I just started reading your blog and really enjoy it. (Insert semi-identifying info about this gentleman’s connection to New Orleans).

Hopefully I’m not wasting your time with this email. Obviously, it would be difficult for us to schedule time together because of our distance issue. I am hoping, however, that I may call you a “blog friend” and fellow New Orleanian and continue to enjoy your writings. Maybe someday in the near future, a meeting could take place.

Until then, thank you for the enjoyable blogging, and stay safe.

___

September 2012

Hi Annie,

I hope this message finds you well and in good spirits.

Up front, with 2 kids in out of state private colleges to the tune of
100K a year, I’m not a potential customer…I feel like it would be
taking something away from them if I was. I just wanted to share a few
thoughts.

Anyway, I divide the world up into two groups of people. Interesting
and not very interesting. Money, power, or social status have nothing
with my decisions, you are either interesting or not.

Well, Annie, YOU are interesting. Continue reading “Accolades, Fan Mail, and Praise”

Reviews! Fan Mail! Gifts! My clients and readers are awesome!

Well, this past week has been pretty surprising. Let’s review, shall we?

First off, I got an email from a woman whose partner had sent her the link to my blog. The subject line reads: “Add me to the fan club!” (I ain’t too proud to admit that flattery will get you everywhere.) Turns out she’s something of a kindred spirit–not only does she have the same fond memories of being absolutely perplexed by the advice in Cosmopolitan Magazine when she was a teen, but she also shares my passion for Bellocq’s photographs of the Storyville prostitutes.

And who doesn’t love positive feedback?

Speaking of which, I got another type of positive feedback this week, this time in the form of a very flattering review on TER (The Erotic Review) from a client who was an absolute pleasure to meet with.

And then, I realized that I hadn’t even noticed a positive review I received on ECCIE a few weeks back.

And! A client bought me a gift off of my Amazon Wishlist! He got me a year’s subscription to The New Yorker!! It was perfect timing, too, because my subscription was just about to run out. It’s my favorite magazine, and I don’t know how I’d ever convince myself to work out if I didn’t have it to read at the gym. Anyway, he scheduled an appointment and I met with him, and it turns out he’s just as awesome as his taste in gifts :)

Full Disclosure: My Thoughts on Reviews


I don’t have many reviews at all, but I like it that way. While I do allow reviews (I address this briefly on my FAQ page), I don’t want a ton of explicit descriptions of my time with clients floating around the internet. For one thing, I feel like it’s disrespectful to me, and it cheapens our time together (it’s called “intimacy” for a reason, lol). Why should a bunch of men I’ve never met get to be titillated by the time I spent with you, that you paid for? Also–and this is purely from the standpoint of a writer–I believe that, ultimately, these review sites are more predatory than helpful. What it really amounts to is that clients are basically writing porn for the sites, for free, and then the sites turn around and charge other clients to read it. So you’re supplying the content for a site that is selling it, and you don’t even get a share of the profit. Yeah yeah yeah, I understand that everyone profits by getting access to the reviews, but still. If they were really there only for review purposes, they wouldn’t demand in-depth, detailed, explicit play-by-play descriptions of dates. They’d simply require a yes/no recommendation and a short explanation, and leave it up to the reviewer to decide how much to include. That being said, I stand by what I say on my FAQ page: if you’d like to write a brief, tasteful review of our time together, please feel free ;)