My latest question from a client/reader is on the topic of sampling a variety of escorts vs. repeatedly enjoying a “regular” (a client’s “regular” provider). Read on for the question in his own words, below:
(Y’all, I think I’m doing an advice column now. I kinda love the idea…)
I respect you as a professional and appreciate the information on your blog. Plus you’re a really cool person too. I’ve often thought you should start an advice column for hobbyists. ;)
Question – I understand that everyone is different, but do you think it’s better to see a variety of providers or better to find someone that you connect with and become a “regular”? I’m kind of struggling with that now.
I’m not trying to change my life, but I enjoy the connection, the intimacy more than the physical sex. When I see someone I prefer to approach the time together more as a date. That’s why I like to start with drinks and get to know the person before moving on to the fun.
I know variety can be fun, but I’m not sure it’s what I’m looking for.
At the same time I understand the basis of the provider/client relationship. I’m not looking for a girlfriend either.
I know you’re busy, but if you get a chance I’d love to get your perspective.
Oh wow, that is a really good question…And I just drank a ton of coffee, so honestly, I could write a master’s thesis on this right now. But instead, I’ll just continue reading…
“I’m not trying to change my life, but I enjoy the connection, the intimacy more than the physical sex. When I see someone I prefer to approach the time together more as a date. That’s why I like to start with drinks and get to know the person before moving on to the fun.
I know variety can be fun, but I’m not sure it’s what I’m looking for.”
Well, I think you just answered your question, didn’t you? It sounds like you’re a the kind of guy that might do best to pick someone you like and stick with her.
The Safety in Being a “One-Escort-Man”
There are a lot of advantages to choosing a “regular.” First off, there’s the basic security issue. Once you know someone, you don’t have to go through screening, and neither of you have to fear that the other might be dangerous or otherwise problematic.
Knowing What to Expect
Second, you know what to expect. Sometimes, in an attempt to market their services in an eye-catching manner, people use photos that are outdated (no longer representative of her appearance) or over-edited (inaccurate representation of her appearance). I know that occasionally clients choose to meet with a certain young woman, but due to the fact that they’re incapable of time travel, they end up spending the evening with that same woman, just 15 years and 3 kids later. And that’s not always a total disappointment–I’ve spoken with lots of clients who fully admit that they when first met their ATF (all time favorite), they were expecting a much younger, thinner version of her. But it isn’t always a pleasant surprise. And that’s a problem you avoid when you have a regular go-to girl.
Third, you develop an intimate understanding of each other. Put simply, you know how to turn each other on. She knows what you like, you know what she likes, and you know how to have fun with her.
But Then Again…
There are lots of advantages to seeing a variety of girls, too. But I’m going to save that for a blog post, because I’d really like to finish this before the sun goes down, lol.
And then there’s always the middle-of-the-road option for people like me who aren’t very good at choosing. There’s no rule that you can only have one “regular.” Maybe you’d like two or three. Maybe Suzie does it for you on days when you’re stressed to exhaustion, and maybe you like to celebrate with Nancy on those days when everything’s going your way. And if you’re splitting your time between two or more cities, this option makes even more sense.
At the same time I understand the basis of the provider/client relationship. I’m not looking for a girlfriend either.
Perfect. You’re coming into this with the right attitude and realistic expectations. That’s what we like. Especially if you’re gravitating more toward the “regular girl” option.
There are clients out there who, after they’ve met with a lady several times, begin to confuse the roles of “girlfriend” and “professional companion.” Boundaries are important. That’s why we’re professionals. People who understand this business get that you can’t distill it down to some pithy one-liner like “Hurr hurr, you don’t pay her for sex, you pay her to leave!” or “Harr harr, only losers who can’t get laid pay for it!” It’s not that simple. And it’s not stupid or insulting to either person involved.
The (Idealized) Girlfriend Experience (GFE)
As professionals (escorts, professional companions, service providers, whatever), we’re compensated not because we can do something a girlfriend could do, but because we can do something a girlfriend can’t. We provide an idealized Girlfriend Experience: the experience of having an AWESOME girlfriend who is horny and fun and interesting and respectful for the entire time you’re together.
A real girlfriend can’t do that. Why? Because you’re around her for more than a few hours. No one can be awesome 24 hours a day. A real girlfriend lives with you (or spends lots of time around you) for days, weeks, months, years. You’ll have serious conflicts. You’ll have minor gripes. Grudges will be held. Disappointments will happen. Working through those things together can strengthen and enrich a relationship and ultimately add to the value and beauty of it.
But let’s be honest. That’s a huge time investment, and a lot of work. And sometimes you just want to skip to the good part–you just want to have uncomplicated fun with a cool girl who’s down to fuck. And that’s why we’re here.
And, as of right now, it’s been “shared” 230,989 times. 230,989!!! That means 230,989 people thought this was funny enough to repost so that all their family and friends and coworkers and ex-boyfriends and ex-girlfriends, etc. could enjoy it. Wow.
But it’s kind of thought-provoking, too. None of the descriptors are really positive.
Stupid Bra Sizes Meme Exposed
The first two (“A – Almost boobs” and “B – barely boobs”) are decidedly negative.
The third (“C – can’t complain”) might as well just say “meh, they don’t make me puke.”
The next two (“D – dang” and “DD – double dang”) might be positive, and they’re probably meant to be read as a positive assessment of the bosoms in question. But it’s still not exactly praise–I mean, I said “dang” the last time I saw a knocked-down stoplight on Canal Street. I was impressed, sure, but not in the “Wow, that’s amazing, and I can’t wait to bury my face in it!!!” way that I would be upon seeing an attractive set of D or DD breasts (or, for that matter, an attractive set of breasts of any size), but in the “Whoa, that’s shocking, and I hope no one got hurt” way.
The next (“E – Enormous”) is neither positive nor negative.
Then comes the inevitably disparaging judgement (“F – fake”) of women who choose to surgically enhance their breasts in accordance with what society tells us we SHOULD look like (never forget: we’re damned if we do, damned if we don’t, ladies).
On the other hand, women with breasts just one size larger than F are encouraged to undergo major surgery with a significant recovery period (“G – get a reduction”). What a demanding perfectionist this list-maker must be.
And last but not least, women with Hs are the “punchline” of the joke. Har de har har.
Who makes this stuff up, and who thinks it’s funny? People who hate boobs? Young boys who are angry that no woman in her right mind will let him see her boobs? Women who are…angry at their boobs for some reason?
But but but but….BOOBS ARE GREAT!!! Boobs are fun! Boobs of all sizes are a splendorous gift of wonder to those allowed the privilege of seeing/touching/enjoying them.
I get that it’s always hilarious to mock women’s bodies (this is sarcasm, ladies and gentlemen), but I personally think women’s bodies (mine especially!) make life a hell of a lot more pleasurable. Well, for women and their partners, anyway, heh. I suppose strictly-gay men aren’t all that thrilled by boobs, but who knows, maybe some of them occasionally get kinky like that.
So, I made up my own list:
Bra Sizes Meme, Improved
AA – Adorable & Adequate!
A – Alluring
B – Bodacious (tatas)
C – Captivating
D – Deluxe
DD – Double Deluxe
E – Exceptional
F – Fffffffffffffffffffffff…those are impressive
G – Gifted
H – Hallelujah
I’m gonna make a quick and dirty meme and see if even ONE person shares it.
If I could get 1/10th of the “shares” as that ridiculously unfunny original one did, I swear I would legally change my name to Boobie Boobzanne McBooberson-O’Boobs (I’m apparently of Irish/Scottish descent).
That said, bra sizes are so arbitrary anyway. Sometimes I’m a 34C, sometimes a 32C (once even a D!), etc. And guess what size this “bra” is??
Size Small. And I assure you, my boobs are not.
(OK so yes, I was wearing it as a tube top this summer, but it’s marketed as a “bra.”)
Because I’m so freaking tired of hearing ignorant, misogynistic jokes about women who enjoy sex regularly, and/or mothers (who have had vaginal births) having “worn out” or “loose” vaginas, allow me to present, for your reading pleasure:
I love these end-of-the-world scares. First Y2K, then the Rapture, and now the end of the Mayan calendar (AKA “Official ‘Non-Mayan People Think The World Ends When They Run Out Of Pages In Their DayPlanners’ Day”). I love how everyone gets all nervous and excited and there are fun theme parties and awesome songs like this one are ubiquitous.
The lyrics (I can’t find an official source, unfortunately :( ):
I’m often contacted by potential clients who seem to be a bit perplexed by my screening practices. I know that they may seem odd to some, but as I’ve said elsewhere, this is a necessary process. Now, you’ve probably either already noticed–or have been directed to–my list of accepted screening methods on my FAQ page and my Booking Page. But just to reiterate, here it is again:
Screening is required for all new friends. I accept the following methods of verification (choose one):
-2 provider references (links to her ad or site, and email), OR
-Employment Verification: Your full (real) name, the name of your employer, and your company email or direct phone number, OR
-I accept Date-Check as part of my screening process.
Most clients who are sincerely interested in meeting with me understand that, by employing these methods, I am both ensuring my safety and prioritizing discretion, and they are therefore happy to supply this information.
Lately I’ve gotten a number of emails from clients who tell me to simply Google their names. I’ve typed up several polite, well-thought-out explanations as to why this is not an acceptable substitute for my screening process, some of which were met with understanding and acquiescence, others of which were never answered. So, I’ve come to the conclusion that I’ve left my reasoning ambiguous, and I might better serve my clients by explaining what may seem to be an arbitrary list of requirements here.
“Here’s my name. Just Google me, Baby!”
The suggestion, “Just Google me” may seem logical to a client. After all, he may Google his name and find out even more than he’d like me to know, and therefore believe that the info on Google is more than sufficient.
But it’s not. First off, remember that I’ve got a couple Master’s degrees under my belt, so I’m well-versed in research methods, and if Google covered all aspects of client-screening, trust me, I’d be teaching classes on it.
Yes, I can find out a lot about a person just by using Google (probably more than most people realize). The problem arises when I need to verify that I am actually speaking with the person I’m Googling.
Here’s an example of a typical email exchange with a “Just Google me!” client:
To: Annie@NOLAcourtesan.com From: BobRoss1965@gmail.com Subject: Appointment with you tonight Message:
My name is Bob Ross. You may have heard of me. I’m a painter, and I used to have my own TV show. Remember “happy little trees?” Yeah, I started that whole thing. Anyway, I want to meet with you tonight. I know it’s short notice, but I’m sure you can accommodate a slick guy like me.
Talk to you soon,
Bob Ross the TV Painter
To: BobRoss1965@gmail.com From: Annie@NOLAcourtesan@gmail.com Subject: RE: Appointment with you tonight Message:
Thanks for contacting me. While I’d love to meet with you, I have not yet received your screening information, and I’m afraid I can’t schedule an appointment with you until I do. Please review the accepted screening methods I’ve outlined on my Booking page.
To: Annie@NOLAcourtesan.com From: BobRoss1965@gmail.com Subject: RE:RE: Appointment with you tonight Message:
I did see that list of screening methods, but like I told you, I’m Bob Ross, and all you have to do is Google me. There’s tons of info about me on the internet. I’m a very important person.
Bob Ross, the TV Painter
To: BobRoss1965@gmail.com From: Annie@NOLAcourtesan@gmail.com Subject: RE:RE:RE: Appointment with you tonight Message:
Hi again, Bob.
I did in fact Google your name. Despite the fact that I do indeed see a lot of information related to Bob Ross, I can’t be sure you are actually him until I’m able to use an email or phone that is traceable to you.
What I need is an email address that is associated with you publicly and professionally. For instance, if you work for PBS, and the PBS website lists Bob Ross’s email address as BobRoss@PBS.org, that will work perfectly. You can either shoot me a quick email from that account, or I can contact you through that address and you can reply that you’ve received that message. Then, I’ll know that you are really Bob Ross, the TV Painter.
Alternatively, you can supply a phone number that is traceable to you. Let’s use the PBS example. PBS lists Bob Ross’s office contact number as (504)555-5555. I can call that number and ask to speak to Bob Ross, and all you have to say is “Yes Annie, it’s me,” and I’ll know I’ve been emailing back and forth with the right guy. However, if you only supply me with a phone number for a prepaid phone, or a number that, when Googled, is not attached to your name or business, that doesn’t really help me.
And if neither of those methods works for you, you can also provide references (names and contact info or websites) from two established professional companions/providers/escorts you’ve met with in the past. I’ll contact them to make sure you’re safe and a gentleman. When they respond positively, I’ll get back to you and we can set up an appointment.
Thanks for understanding, Bob! Hope to hear from you soon.
In this hypothetical, I’m betting Bob doesn’t respond, lol.
I hope this clarifies things. If not, maybe I can show you what I mean with a little example. Let’s pretend this is the first time we’ve encountered one another. Here’s what I’ll say to you:
My name is Julia Roberts. You may have heard of me. I’m an actress–a pretty famous one. Go ahead and Google me; you’ll see lots of information about me and what I do. Now you should feel 100% confident that I’m Julia Roberts, the famous actress who is not dangerous or creepy.
Absolutely, Positively, Without-a-Doubt, the Real Julia Roberts®
Now you can be 100% confident you’ll be meeting with Julia Roberts, right? ;)
OK so that’s a pretty ridiculous example, but the truth is, you’d be surprised how often random weirdos on the internet have contacted me claiming to be high-profile local businessmen or surgeons or whathaveyou. You might seem like a reasonable, respectful guy, but I can never be too careful with my safety.
Thanks so much in advance for understanding!
By the way:
If you do choose the professional email address route, and you’re concerned about my email address raising a red flag with your employer, I’ve got a solution. When I use this method, I use a separate, unassuming email address (the word “courtesan” is absent, so this email address doesn’t sound sexy.)
Here’s a copy of the email I send:
Please respond to this message for verification purposes.
If you are not the person who requested this message, please reply to this message with the word ‘Remove,’ or simply disregard.
My friend just sent me this link, and it had me cracking up. I hadn’t thought about Cosmopolitan magazine in a LONG time, and I had forgotten how downright ludicrous (or should I say lewd-icrous? har de har har) their sex tips are. And that makes up like half of every issue of the magazine!!!
I remember being about fourteen years old and picking up a Cosmo at my older cousin’s house. It was full of sex tips (something along the lines of “100 Tricks to Make Your Man Melt!”). I was a virgin, and not only did I not know a damn thing about what men really like, but I didn’t even realize that (SURPRISE!) men are individuals, and therefore not all men like the same thing. (From the looks of it, the writers at Cosmo haven’t figured this out yet.)
I love this video by Scarlet Alliance SO MUCH, and it cracks me up every time I watch it.
(By the way: the term “Sex Worker” refers to any individual working in the sex industry whose job is to provide an erotic experience for the client. The word is used for escorts, professional companions, travel companions, massage parlor workers, porn actors and actresses, strippers, lap dancers, peep-show performers, and even phone sex operators. I am an escort and a professional companion; therefore, I am a sex worker.)