The date and time you’d like to meet (and a couple alternatives if possible)
The number of hours you’d like to schedule
The location you’d like to meet
If you do this, you are pretty much guaranteed to receive an email from me within a day letting you know that I’ve scheduled your appointment and reserved that time for you.
If we have to go back and forth several times before we have everything squared away, your email is likely to get lost in the steady stream of emails I receive daily. You KNOW I require screening, but here’s another thing you might not know: If you’re contacting me in advance, then yes, I will be available. If I get an email inquiry without screening info, or without a real date/time, etc., my response will be to reply to your email asking for that information, because I cannot schedule an appointment until I have it. I will then promptly forget about your incomplete request while I proceed to work my way through the zillion other emails I have in my inbox.
The problem is, I may not remember to check to see if you’ve responded tomorrow.
So, let’s be efficient. Tell me exactly what you want, right off. Give me the info I need, and I will reserve that night for YOU. It’ll be done, and neither of us will have to stress about hammering out the details. And then we can look forward to the time we’ll have together ;)
So, how many *is* “too many”? (Screenshot of P411 Escort member’s view of a Client member’s profile)
Continued from the previous post, in which a client asked for advice on a few topics. I’ve chosen to break them up into separate entries. In this one, I’ll address a question regarding a client’s number of P411 “Okays.” P411 “Okays” are stamps of approval on the screening website Preferrred411 (commonly referred to as “P411”) by escorts with whom a client has met.
Also, can someone have too many “okays” on P411?
My Answer:
You know, that’s another good question. Ugh, and it’s complicated, too.
Honestly, I’ve had guys with a few hundred P411 Okays contact me, and I will admit that, yes, it did give me pause.
But really, let’s look at this a little more closely: yes, that means the client has met with quite a few escorts. But If I made a decision not to see him based on that fact, I’d be succumbing to the culturally-conditioned whorephobia that I’m so adamantly against. Why does it matter if he generously compensated his last 200 sexual partners for their time? Would it be better if he had met the last 200 girls he slept with in a bar? And, theoretically, if he has 200 Okays on P411, these 200 girls are vouching for him and saying that he’s safe to meet with and won’t cause any trouble. Therefore he is arguably one of the people I should be least worried about. And I’m going to take the same precautions with him as I do with everyone because, ultimately, my safety and well-being is my responsibility.
The Verdict? The more the merrier, in my humble (but sex-positive) opinion.
So no, I don’t think that someone can have “too many” Okays on P411. But I’m not everyone. There may be girls out there who will be turned off by “too many” P411 Okays, but I’m willing to bet this is a knee-jerk response to what society tells us about this business, sex workers, and the clients who pay for their services. You can’t really blame those girls. The idea that sex workers are dirty whores and clients are (only slightly less) dirty whoremongers is deeply ingrained in our culture, and it’s something that even we (sex workers) are vulnerable to sometimes. Either way, “too many” is relative, so I wouldn’t put too much mental energy into worrying about that. My advice is to get an OK from every P411 girl you see. (I *have* heard girls say they don’t like to meet with guys who have no *recent* OKs. I guess they figure that their account might have been taken over by someone else? I’m not sure what their reasoning is.)
My latest question from a client/reader is on the topic of sampling a variety of escorts vs. repeatedly enjoying a “regular” (a client’s “regular” provider). Read on for the question in his own words, below:
(Y’all, I think I’m doing an advice column now. I kinda love the idea…)
Hi Annie,
I respect you as a professional and appreciate the information on your blog. Plus you’re a really cool person too. I’ve often thought you should start an advice column for hobbyists. ;)
Question – I understand that everyone is different, but do you think it’s better to see a variety of providers or better to find someone that you connect with and become a “regular”? I’m kind of struggling with that now.
I’m not trying to change my life, but I enjoy the connection, the intimacy more than the physical sex. When I see someone I prefer to approach the time together more as a date. That’s why I like to start with drinks and get to know the person before moving on to the fun.
I know variety can be fun, but I’m not sure it’s what I’m looking for.
At the same time I understand the basis of the provider/client relationship. I’m not looking for a girlfriend either.
I know you’re busy, but if you get a chance I’d love to get your perspective.
Thanks.
My response:
Oh wow, that is a really good question…And I just drank a ton of coffee, so honestly, I could write a master’s thesis on this right now. But instead, I’ll just continue reading…
“I’m not trying to change my life, but I enjoy the connection, the intimacy more than the physical sex. When I see someone I prefer to approach the time together more as a date. That’s why I like to start with drinks and get to know the person before moving on to the fun.
I know variety can be fun, but I’m not sure it’s what I’m looking for.”
Well, I think you just answered your question, didn’t you? It sounds like you’re a the kind of guy that might do best to pick someone you like and stick with her.
The Safety in Being a “One-Escort-Man”
There are a lot of advantages to choosing a “regular.” First off, there’s the basic security issue. Once you know someone, you don’t have to go through screening, and neither of you have to fear that the other might be dangerous or otherwise problematic.
Knowing What to Expect
Second, you know what to expect. Sometimes, in an attempt to market their services in an eye-catching manner, people use photos that are outdated (no longer representative of her appearance) or over-edited (inaccurate representation of her appearance). I know that occasionally clients choose to meet with a certain young woman, but due to the fact that they’re incapable of time travel, they end up spending the evening with that same woman, just 15 years and 3 kids later. And that’s not always a total disappointment–I’ve spoken with lots of clients who fully admit that they when first met their ATF (all time favorite), they were expecting a much younger, thinner version of her. But it isn’t always a pleasant surprise. And that’s a problem you avoid when you have a regular go-to girl.
Familiarity
Third, you develop an intimate understanding of each other. Put simply, you know how to turn each other on. She knows what you like, you know what she likes, and you know how to have fun with her.
I’m always happy to make new friends, but I’ll admit that being someone’s “regular” escort is AWESOME. There’s a lot to be said for someone who knows you this well ;)
But Then Again…
There are lots of advantages to seeing a variety of girls, too. But I’m going to save that for a blog post, because I’d really like to finish this before the sun goes down, lol.
And then there’s always the middle-of-the-road option for people like me who aren’t very good at choosing. There’s no rule that you can only have one “regular.” Maybe you’d like two or three. Maybe Suzie does it for you on days when you’re stressed to exhaustion, and maybe you like to celebrate with Nancy on those days when everything’s going your way. And if you’re splitting your time between two or more cities, this option makes even more sense.
At the same time I understand the basis of the provider/client relationship. I’m not looking for a girlfriend either.
Perfect. You’re coming into this with the right attitude and realistic expectations. That’s what we like. Especially if you’re gravitating more toward the “regular girl” option.
There are clients out there who, after they’ve met with a lady several times, begin to confuse the roles of “girlfriend” and “professional companion.” Boundaries are important. That’s why we’re professionals. People who understand this business get that you can’t distill it down to some pithy one-liner like “Hurr hurr, you don’t pay her for sex, you pay her to leave!” or “Harr harr, only losers who can’t get laid pay for it!” It’s not that simple. And it’s not stupid or insulting to either person involved.
The (Idealized) Girlfriend Experience (GFE)
As professionals (escorts, professional companions, service providers, whatever), we’re compensated not because we can do something a girlfriend could do, but because we can do something a girlfriend can’t. We provide an idealized Girlfriend Experience: the experience of having an AWESOME girlfriend who is horny and fun and interesting and respectful for the entire time you’re together.
A real girlfriend can’t do that. Why? Because you’re around her for more than a few hours. No one can be awesome 24 hours a day. A real girlfriend lives with you (or spends lots of time around you) for days, weeks, months, years. You’ll have serious conflicts. You’ll have minor gripes. Grudges will be held. Disappointments will happen. Working through those things together can strengthen and enrich a relationship and ultimately add to the value and beauty of it.
But let’s be honest. That’s a huge time investment, and a lot of work. And sometimes you just want to skip to the good part–you just want to have uncomplicated fun with a cool girl who’s down to fuck. And that’s why we’re here.
